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AW: Had a Very Mature Adult Covo w/ My Mom
I know this isn't the typical AW post, but I'm still really excited about it.
I was talking to my mother on the phone about the things I've learned about myself coming out of my divorce and the things that I've been working on. I told her about how happy I was and how making these changes has been such a stress reliever for me. Basically, it was all about my commitment to letting go of control and trusting other people.
Anyway, she told me she was so proud of me and she was always worried because my personality is very much like my Dad's sister who has never had a successful relationship because she keeps making the same mistake over and over. She dates/married men who will allow her to control them and then she begins to resent them because of it. I made the same mistake with my XH. She said that she's always thought my aunt was miserable and she never wanted that for me and she thinks it's great that I figured this out.
I know I will always have to keep that control-freak portion of me in check, but if feels really good to know that I'm not the only one seeing progress. Plus when I got divorced my mother seemed less than enthused, so I'm happy that she now understands.
Re: AW: Had a Very Mature Adult Covo w/ My Mom
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I do a few of things. First, I try to avoid situations where I know I'll be compelled to behave that way. My control tendencies are triggered by stress too, so I try not to involve myself with people who I'm not confident in. Obviously, those types of people can't be avoided completely, but I avoid putting myself in situations where I have to rely on family, friends and coworkers who are like that. For instance, I used to take an annual trip with a friend who is extremely flaky. This trip caused me endless stress. I've decided that I'll still go on the trip with the friend, but I'll limit is to less expensive trips or to going places where we can drive (missing flights was a problem with this person.)
The second thing I've done is to try and become better at evaluating the importance of each situation. So now I ask myself, "What are the consequences of it not being done on time or correct?" If the consequences are low, then I just remind myself that even if it's done wrong or late, it's not that big of a deal.
The third thing is that I work to lower the stakes whenever possible. An example would be that I recently did a boudoir shoot and I need the photos by the first week of June. The photographer told me I could start as late as this month, but instead I did the shoot at the beginning of last month. This means that I don't need to stress out, or follow up with the photographer constantly because I've built in an extra month in case something goes wrong. In this case, something did go wrong, and I just took it in stride because the stakes were pretty low.