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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not sure where to post this @ related
*Like my post title said I don't know where to put this, but I usually lurk here so I figured this board is as good as any*
I am a complete mess. Long story short..my cousin is pregnant. About two months ago the baby's father abandoned her and she has decided to give the baby up for adoption. Well, she wants to abandon the baby at the hospital. She wants to give birth, hand the baby to me to take pictures, then have me hand the baby to the nurse. I cannot do this. I cannot abandon my nephew (I call him my nephew because she and I are like sisters).
I am in no position to take and raise the baby and nobody in my family is able to either. She told me she wants to surrender the baby at the hospital yesterday and she is due this Saturday. I am at a loss. Do adoption agencies move this quickly? I don't want CPS involved. I just want to find him a nice home.
Sorry this is so long.
ETA: Sorry for the lack of paragraphs--I am on my phone. I typed in paragraphs, FWIW.
Re: Not sure where to post this @ related
(1) giving a child up for adoption is not abandoning the child
(2) she should contact an adoption agency now so that they can hep her through the process
This exactly.
What sonrisa said.
Also, if it's hard on you, imagine how hard it will be for her. But, if she doesn't feel she can raise the baby, she's making a wonderful, selfless choice. Just remember that and support her. If you don't think you can be supportive, do not go to the hospital with her.
Hospitals usually have well baby nurseries where they can care for a newborn with expert, professional care. From what I understand from this board, some adoption agencies also have nurseries for newborns where the infants are loved and cared for during the matching process. That process can move quickly if the mother is ready. Look into the local process where you are. I'm guessing you will find a support network that can love and care for the child while they find a family match.
If you fear that the child will be left alone and vulnerable while waiting, I think a little research will allay those fears.
HER child.
You can certainly be sad and wish for a different situation but unless you can step up and raise the kid (which you already said you cannot) then it is 100% her decision.
I hope everything works out for the best.
So would you rather her keep the baby and resent the child she did not want to raise? How is that a better situation than her giving the child up for adoption to someone who wants to raise a child?
listen to everything sonrisa is saying. it is not your place to find someone to take this baby home. if you cannot go to the hospital and be supportive, do not go.
We moved that fast twice for our adoptions and we traveled across the country twice on 24 hours notice. Believe me, people will be THRILLED to do it!
She should call a reputable agency and get the ball rolling. She can have a hand in choosing her adoptive parents if she wants to.
She is in no way abandoning her child...she is making the hardest decision of her life and giving that child a chance to have parents who have hoped and prayed and wanted a child.
Just be there to listen and support her if you can. That is your only responsibility in this matter.
There is also an Adoption board on The Bump. I don't know how busy it is, but I would check there too asap to reassure yourself.
I think it sounds like she is making a tough but positive decision. If you don't feel comfortable or strong enough being the one to hand the baby to the staff at the hospital, I would still find a way to be there for her. It sounds like she values your support.
We have had mothers do this in my hospital. Trust me: there are families lined up just WAITING for this exact scenario. That baby will be placed with a loving family in no time.
My state (like many others) have what is called Safe Haven laws, which allow a mother to surrender a newborn with no questions asked, but in doing so, she relinquishes all rights to the child. I would encourage your cousin to contact an adoption agency, if for no reason other than if she doesn't, and then decides later that she would like to have contact with her child, it may be virtually impossible for her to find out what happened to him/her. When an infant is given to us under Safe Haven, we're not even allowed to ask the mother's last name unless she volunteers it, so there is literally no record of who this baby once belonged to. At least if she uses an agency, she may be able to maintain her right to contact the child later on (if she wants to).
Whenever I hear Chesh's IRL name I think "Scissor" --MontereyBride
I work with Safely Surrendered babies, and she can absolutely surrender him to the hospital and it will not at all be abandonment. In California, she must actually say, "I am surrendering my baby." They can't prompt her with the words. This is an important piece. They will give her and the baby matching bracelets with a unique number and she will be given I think a few days to change her mind. There are families waiting for these babies who would LOVE to give the baby a loving, permanent home.
Like PP said, while we do keep track of these numbers, but it can be very difficult to find out any info later on, as we do not keep the mother's name, DOB, anything at all. For that reason, I think it is a good idea to talk to adoption agencies beforehand, just to have another plan.
As long as she is not planning to give birth, hand the baby to you to take a few pictures and expect you go put the baby on a door step or a garbage can, she is doing right by this baby. And I think it says a lot that she is willing to confide in you and wants your support during this incredibly difficult time.
The baby will probably be put into foster care immediately. In a lot of states this is done even if adoptive parents are already lined up. Yes, the families who take these babies in temporarily are prepared to move ASAP.