Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Feeling guilty for cheating
I know Ive posted before about my type 1 diabetic husband.. He lost vision pretty much completely in left eye.. found out he has macular edema in right eye ( good eye) He needs laser on the good eye now. But anyway, I cheated on him before he left.. ( basically why he left) but after years of him telling me to mind my own business and not to nag him.. And also showing me no affection after years of being pushed away everytime I hugged him. I started talking to a guy from hs I used to like.. we started hanging out and formed a relationship.. He ended up leaving his wife. THe day my husband found out he left.
Now I feel guilty that I did not do things right and just leave him. I cheated and I feel like I am going to be a disgrace since mh told the entire block.. My 5 yr old goes to the school three blocks away where neighbor is a teacher.. I feel like a horrible person.. should I??
Re: Feeling guilty for cheating
Look, you shouldn't have cheated. But you know that already.
This should just convince you even more that you should never consider getting back together with your H. Obviously you two just don't mesh. So forgive yourself for what happened in the past, and move forward.
No, you shouldn't have cheated. Yes, you should have taken the opportunity to leave (but not to be with the old HS flame!).
Dwelling on those two things isn't going to help you move forward. Move on and don't make the same mistake twice.
You keep coming here posting the same things and not taking the advice given to you, soooo.... what exactly are you looking for?
Exactly.
Right? Please answer this. PLEASE.
So, are you looking for permission to leave or us to guilt you into staying?
And FFS, if you're that uncomfortable with your neighbors you can... wait for it... MOVE.
Look, bottom line is that bad choices were made on both your parts that have rendered you incompatible. Get yourself to counseling and work on moving on (and out if necessary).
You still havent answered the question...what do you want from posting these things?
I *just* figured out what she was looking for!!
Here ya go, OP:
Dude, divorce the wanker already & get some therapy FFS. This is getting old.
FFS we've been over this before. What are you looking for other than the advice that's already been given?
No, you should not have cheated. You did. This relationship has been dead for a long time and you need to get out of it and go to therapy. Please listen for a change.
I would suggest you go to survivinginfidelity.com. It has a board for cheaters, for couples trying to rebuild their marriages after infidelity - it's not just for people who have been cheated on.
What you did was wrong. There is no way around it. You are trying to justify your actions by saying "he never did this....." and "he never did that...." You were presumably an adult in that situation. another man would not in 10 million years solve the problem that you had with your h, so that is no justification for your actions.
You will just go on and cheat again if you have the mindset that "I didn't get what I needed, so I fvcked another guy to get it.... waaaahhhh! I was DRIVEN to cheat...." because there are plenty of people who don't get held or don't get compliments or don't get whatever and they either have the b*lls to leave their spouse, seek marriage counseling, or learn to readjust their needs/wants.
I just went through some of your past posts. PLEASE tell me you are in therapy. You need to be talking through all of this with someone who can help you figure out this situation.
For me personally, I don't think I would ever be able to forgive MH for ignoring his health for 10+ years and allowing himself to go blind. I would live with so much resentment dealing with the hardships of him being blind when it could have been easily prevent. However, I'm sure it's complicated and not as easy to come to a decision when you are actually in the situation, which is why you need to be in therapy (and also address the guilt and embarrassment you feel over the affair).