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I have TIP
So, currently, I am working fulltime, doing sidejobs for extra money, and going to school four nights a week.
Keep in mind that H has been experiencing a lot of stress at work for various reasons.
At the beginning of the semester I asked him, like I usually do, if he could just try to make sure that he kept the house tidy (kitchen clean and laundry kept up, mostly) seeing as I wouldn't be able to contribute as much.
We've done this before and it's worked out fine, but this was before I started doing extra work in the evenings.
He's always agreed to pick up the slack for me because he knows I'm busy with more than him in the evenings.
Now, like I said, he's stressed from work for the past couple of months and so I haven't been as worried about letting the housework go because we're both busy.
FF to this morning and I had no clean work blouses. Luckily, I just grabbed a tshirt and have been able to get away with it because it's casual Friday.
I lost my shiit this morning (not on him) and went to work irritated. He calls me later in the day, around lunchtime and I tell him I'm upset because I didn't have any clean clothes this morning and that he agreed to take care of that for me.
He shut down, instead of getting angry with me in return, and said he was really sorry, etc.
And now I feel like shiit (like he does, I'm sure) because I don't want him to feel like he has to clean up after me but he did tell me that he would take care of things housewise so I wouldn't stress over it.
I texted him after our phone conversation and apologized profusely for acting immature about this whole thing (seeing as I'm an adult and should be able to take care of my own shiit).
Am I completely wrong in the situation? Do I have a legitimate reason to be upset? Or should I be feeling like an idiot for thinking he should take care of laundry for me?
Please be gentle, y'all. :
Re: I have TIP
I would have been a little upset too because it sucks when you expect something to be there and its not and he said he would help with this stuff.
However since you were able to get away with it today, try not to hold onto it. I don't think you should feel like an idiot for thinking he should be doing your laundry.. you're married, its a partnership, he apparently has more time to do this and said he would help you out with it. Maybe just try to keep track of what your laundry situation is during the week and remind him if you realize youre getting low on work clothing etc.
Also remember to thank him for helping out when you remember. (Not that you don't, just sayin' ).
Did you expect him to get angry with you? As in, were you trying to pick a fight?
I think its perfectly acceptable to say "hey, you said you'd do this and you didn't and it put me in a bit of a bind".
In the future, though, a couple of days before you need clean clothing, maybe say "hey, babe, would you mind running a load of laundry when you have time" just to basically say "hey, we're getting low on clean clothes" but without the "hey, you slacker, I have nothing to wear".
I dunno, that's just me and how I'd handle it.
Part of my text to him said that I was very thankful for his help and that I appreciate everything he does in our relationship, because I truly do.
He's such a great support to me, in everything.
I asked him, while we were still on the phone, what he would have done in my situation and he said he would have just asked me to wash a load.
I should have done that, I regret it now.
Well, it would have made me feel less shiitty, I guess.
When he shut down on me, I felt awful. He just got very quiet and said he was sorry. I didn't know how to react.
I would not equate "keeping the house tidy" with making sure you had clean clothes. Did you specifically ask him to do a load of wash for you?
Yes, this was part of the agreement.
I did not specifically ask him to wash a load for me this week but, when I asked him at the beginning of the semester to help with more of the household chores, keeping up with all of the laundry was on that list.
I'd say unless you specifically asked him last night to throw a load in the washer so you'd have a shirt to wear, than it's unfair for you to place the blame on him.
You could have checked to see if you had clean clothes for today last night. I think it's unfair to expect him meet all your unspoken demands by saying in general you asked him months ago to pitch in more because you'd be extra busy. It seems to me like you're just taking out something on him that you really should have (could have) taken care of yourself.
The fact that you mentioned laundry in the list of things he agreed to makes me beleive that it was outlined and agreed upon, that it was his job and he dropped the ball.
But like I said, because you got away with it and the world didn't end, let it go this time.. but YOU maintain a running track of your laundry and let him know when it needs done next time. Live, learn, move on.
If it's something specific you know you'll need, like clothes, remind him. Blanket statements and agreements are great, but the dude will probably need some help determining what's the most significant to you at the moment.
I would have done the same thing as you, though. lol. Don't feel too badly about it. He told you what he needs to hear to spring into action, and now you can do that.
Agreed. It sounds like you are both super stressed and something was bound to give. I'd apologize again, and try to come up with a better system, even if it means you throwing together a specific pile for a load of laundry and asking him to make sure it gets into the washer.
He hasn't washed anything this week.
The clothes are piled up in hampers.
Either way, I fuuucked up and I will make it up to him tonight.
I 100% agree. Unless "clairvoyant" is part of the job description for housekeeping in your house.
It sounds to me like you're just stretched too thin, with no relief in sight. Ask yourself whether you -- or anyone in your shoes -- can realistically handle this load.
Sorry for your situation. I know it's very hard when both spouses are stressed out.
Thankfully finals are next week. But then I have a summer class that starts the first week of June, hooray! heh
And by that time I will no longer have to do my side job; I've already been told they're looking for another fulltime person who would replace me.
Yeah, what I take away from your post is that you're both just super stressed. When I feel that way, a dirty house or laundry that isn't done frustrates me so much more than it normally would.
Don't feel too bad. You did apologize.
Aw man, I hate it when I do things like that. You're not alone. The thing is, since you both feel bad about it instead of getting pissed off at each other, you're probably not likely to do that again for a while. It happens, people just get irritated and unfortunately, when we explode, it's the people closest to us that get the brunt of it. It'll be fine, especially since you both apologized.
I think you should remind him a few days in advance about laundry. I say that because how is he to know you're out of work shirts (unless he knows all your regular work clothes or looks in your closet on a regular basis)?