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awkward moment at Target today
My DS the welcome wagon has to say hello and bye to everyone, everywhere we go. For example we once went to the movie theaters and sat in the front row by the entrance in case we had to leave. Everyone that came in to the theather he said hello to as if he's known them for years.
Today while checking out at Target, he starts chatting up a 9 yr old boy who amused him and started caring on a conversation with him. I was busy loading the items on to counter and I look up to see 3 more kids surround him joining in on this conversation. I only heard bits and pieces of what they were talking about but then I heard these words come out of DS' mouth...."I don't have a daddy, I have a ye-ye" (This is what he calls my step dad which is chinese for grandpa. He got it off of NickJr when he was a yr old and it stuck). The little boy he was talking to had this puzzled look on his face and asked DS why he didn't have a daddy. DS just said "I don't know, I don't have a daddy." I had this deer in a head light look and was stumped on what I should do or say. I ended up paying for my stuff and running out of there before more questions were asked.
I'm still alittle stunned DS would come to this conclusion even after talking to his dad over the phone about a month ago.
Re: awkward moment at Target today
Wow, that is interesting. It gives me hope that they adapt and go on with life either way, at least until high school age daddy-issues appear
.
Also, I had a similar experience but had to speak for DD. We were passing the neighborhood park on a walk and this little 3-4 year old little girl started talking to me and DD, her older brother then joined by, and all of a sudden random "where is her daddy?" I had the same deer in headlights look I am sure, didn't want to mess someone else's kid up, froze, said "he's at work" and moved on.
Later I really wanted to throw in the Forrest Gump line "he's on vacation."
Sorry I do not know your background better, but may I ask if your DS's dad's family became uninvolved at this time? Or is that just when things went down for you?
DD only sees her father every so often and it seems like it is a lot more for his mom (who is always with) than him. That is why I ask.
No, I'm in VA and they live in NH. I disowned his family maybe a month or two after XH last saw DS because it came out that he was sleeping with a 17 yr old. His mother supported him and I saw how she really was. I didn't want any of that mess around my child. GA apparently consents minors down to age 16 but morally I was disgusted. If you step out of state line it becomes illegal. He also has a 7 yr old son with his first wife and he doesn't have anything to do with that child either.
Also my answer was more toward LOB, I just can't quote her because she shows up as blocked for some reason. I can never read her replies or her posts but 1/3 of the time.
Ok. Thanks for the background though.
I kept telling DS that he lived far away too but then he started with this where is he, I want him bit that got his counselor on the boat of "lets call him and see" only for it to back fire after two calls. DS also kept saying I took his daddy from him but I explained that XH moved away which is why we came to live with grandma.
I think in XH case, he has a sex addiction and doesn't know how to say no. That is how he ended up with 2 XW and 3 kids. He is only forced to stick around for the 3rd one because he can't afford another CS payment.
maybe you can ask your therapist on how to handle that? at the end of the day he is a kid and he likely says what he feels and what is tangible to him.his dad isn't around and likely can't put two and two together yet. It will get better & you are a good mom if nothing bc you care about how he views the world and this will impact him long term...so for that, good job.
I am a long time lurker and more of a regular on the SP page on the the bump but I am in a similar situation with my DDs.
Background: EX was involved very little (like one visit a year) from 2007 to May 2011. Last year though it seemed like he was sincerely interested in having a relationship with our DDs (DD#2 is 4 and DD#1 turned 6 today). So We went to court and established a CO that would allow him to build a relationship and increase visitation over time. Things were good, or so I thought, until the beginning of this year when I found out from our DDs and eventually EX, that his FI was mistreating our DDs. I told him that visitation was to be supervised until we all could sit down and discuss what was going on. Didn't hear from them for almost a month. I then found out a month or two ago that EX was being investigated for statutory rape and that he was smoking weed while he had our DDs for visitation. I told him that visits were immediately forfeited. I told him that he could come to her bday party yesterday if he agreed and passed a drug test. He refused.
But back to the issue at hand, both girls have been asking about their father. I told them that their dad was going through a difficult time right now and that he needs time to reflect on what he feels is important. I told them that they are loved very much but daddy's priorities are mixed up right now. They are young but I think they understand it a bit. They were having issues with how they were being treated at EX's and I attempted to convey to them that it is not their fault at all. My FI has also noticed them attempting to form a better relationship with him. My youngest consistently asks to play with my FI and he makes it known to them that he loves and cares for them like they were his own.
Over all it is a tough situation and I don't know if I handled it correctly. I guess time will tell.
I had something similar happen with DS but it was more along the lines of "daddy doesn't live here and I don't know why". It's so hard to know what to do in that situation, especially when you're caught off guard. I think you handled it fine.
As long as you and others in your life are consistent figures for him, he will be ok.