Military Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Random question
I am constantly being asked if I am pregnant yet and if not when are we having a baby. I have always said "not yet and when we decide we will let you know." or "maybe when we get settled back in La" Still I am asked at least twice weekly. Has this happened to you? How do you deal with this? I am at the point that if I were talking face to face I would slap them
Re: Random question
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I used to never get asked this, but I was around a lot of similarly aged people without kids before. Everyone I work with now seems to have kids, they all typically were really young when they had them (mostly unplanned). They are the ones that typically ask me. It's just an ice-breaker question people seem to bring up to start a convo. At least that's what I tell myself to avoid feeling stabby.
I just answer that we aren't planning on having kids for a bit. People usually leave me alone about it. I often answer "we have a dog" or "we're thinking about getting a second dog" people get the point to leave me alone about I guess. I usually have a bitchface when I reply so...
I changed my name
You are saying the right things. I might say, if they keep bugging you, that "noting has changed since the last time I told you, but if we do decide to someday have children, you will be the first to know." You can also say something about your educational and career goals and how difficult it would be to have a baby right now at this point in your life.
It will slow down, I am sure. Once your family sees how important your education and personal growth is, I think that they will stop asking. They kept bugging us right until I started college again full time. I just go with the flow. They don't have control over my decisions.
It really depends on the individual asking and the context. If it's someone I trust and the conversation is already on that topic I usually don't mind. I'll just tell the truth.
In the past if the person is way out of line or I feel offended I would just look at them point blank and say "never". In the present if the same thing happened and I felt offended I would probably have something very graphic to say.
This happens to us all the time. My MIL was one of the worst until I looked at her and said " We decided that we are waiting until we feel we are financially ready to make the decision to become parents. We will let you know when that time comes, however until then please stop asking." My BIL is awful when it comes to this too, and he gets " The state of my uterus is none of your business, and unless you want to be paying for Daycare or supplementing our income to allow me to become a stay at homemom, butt out!"
Everyone else just gets " We aren't ready yet, E is working and in school full time and we aren't comfortable bringing a baby into this world if we don't have time to spend with him/her. "
I hate these questions because 1. They don't know if we are trying and having troubles( we aren't but it breaks my heart that I have friends going through this and people don't seem to understand that asking is not appropriate.) 2. They aren't aware of our finances and its really none of their business when we have children, but we want to be stable.
I will add that I used to really get bugged by these questions. Now that I changed how I react to them I'm indifferent. Like I said, i really just see it as a generic question people ask to see what we have in common and what we can talk about. My parents and inlaws don't ask and don't pressure us at.all which is nice. If those are the people asking or people are pressuring kids it's rude- that's when I give sarcastic answers like I want another dog or something.
I changed my name
I agree that it is an ice breaker. I can't be annoyed with someone I haven't spoken to in a while, or just met, who asks this question. It is a natural place to go when you are getting to know someone or catching up.
I don't think it will ever go away. I'm still pregnant with my 1st and I'm already getting the "when will you have your next baby." Geeze let me pop this one out first!
I got so annoyed with the, "when will you have kids" question I used to give really snarky remarks.... "when I start having unprotected sex with my husband you will be the first to know" "I'll have a kid 9 months after I get knocked up" stuff like that.
Ugh. I hate this. I have a co-worker who has a 3 year old daughter and she is always telling babies who come into the store to wink at me because apparently there is an old wives' tale that if a baby winks at you you will get pregnant. After two weeks of this I wanted to punch her. It's so annoying, even more so because I want one really badly but with H in MOS school and me in college, we are not in a financial or practical place to have a baby right now. So we are being responsible and waiting until we are settled and ahead financially.
My mom wants a grandbaby so badly that she gives me crap for this all the time, and makes remarks about hoping I get "accidentally knocked up" while H is home on RA. On the other hand, my 18 year old sister who is getting married this fall is making her super excited because she and her fiance are planning on getting KU immediately after the wedding.
I honestly don't know. Her fiance is 25 and ready to start a family, so I think that is part of it. She thinks my H and I are crazy for planning everything out and she thinks that "children aren't something you really plan for". Neither one of them has a college degree and both work jobs that make under $10 an hour. She has no concept of the time and money that go into a baby (not that I do either, really, not having had one yet) and she thinks that it's just one of those things that you go off your BC and if it happens, it happens. I and a couple of her older girlfriends have talked and talked to her but she doesn't listen. I have a feeling that she is going to wind up learning the hard way. I told her that you have to have your own life in order before you create a new one, but the only response I get is that I'm trying to control her life.
That turned into a rant. Sorry. :
Now that I'm reasonably well into my 30's, people have (mostly) stopped asking me about this.
Frankly, most folks that persisted in asking were coming from a culture or a background where kids typically closely follow marriage, and often marriage happens at a young age.
DH and I are now trying to figure out a timeline for having kids, so it's an easy answer - we're still trying to figure out the when. Before, I'd basically respond with a "no plans at the moment". And leave it. If they asked again, I'd respond similarly. Folks usually gave up when they realized you really were not going to give them such personal information...