I have lame mom guilt.

Jermysgirl

I started on the Prozac like a month ago in anticipation of Freddie and PPD/PADS returning.  And it turned out to be a great idea when all hell broke loose with my mother, etc.  

And I don't have PADS, which is awesome, and my friends all joke about how calm Prozac Jermys is, and I'm seriously mellow all the time, even when Freddie is crying and Edith is creating mayhem all at once.  

Which is awesome, but I feel sad that Edith had to deal with having a crazy mom for the first few months (until I got drugs) and that Freddie gets a sane, awesome mom.  I feel like Edith is getting the short end of the stick and I feel guilty about it.  I wish I could go back and do it all over with her from the beginning

AppleBear

I super wish I can do it all again too.  D was my starter child.  He's turning out okay.  I'm sure E is wonderful too.  

pantsparty

I'm sure it's natural, but you should feel good you figured out in advance what works for you now. I guarantee Edith will not have memories of you as a "crazy mom." And she's happy and in good health now, so that's all that matters.

cbwm

Do NOT feel guilty about this, dude. She won't remember any of that. You know this, and you have to stop beating yourself up about it. 

HungryCaterpillar

You are a wonderful mother and not anywhere close to a lame mom. From your posts she seems to be beautiful and thriving regardless of a few (perceived) rough months at the beginning that she will never remember. 

 

angelaa73

You are going to do the exact opposite mom guilting when you see how much you held, played with, watched, sang to Edith and how freddie gets like half that because now you have two kids/ toddlers

angelaa73

Don't beat yourself up. You did, are doing, will do your best

sonrisa

Jermysgirl:

Which is awesome, but I feel sad that Edith had to deal with having a crazy mom for the first few months (until I got drugs) and that Freddie gets a sane, awesome mom.  I feel like Edith is getting the short end of the stick and I feel guilty about it.  

Edith gets sane mom now - now when she can remember it, now when she is going through her own transition, now when your calm mood helps her adapt well to her younger brother.

Almost no baby gets a super calm sane mom right away. Edith is thriving. You are a great mom. Don't beat yourself up for two months that happened years ago.

Gretchenindisguise

Do I need to come over there and knock you down? Just no. 

If anything, what she's seeing now is way more important than what she experienced back then. Now her memories are really being laid and she's learning what's like to be an awesome mom. This right now is what matters most.  

Quesera

The most important thing is that you took care of yourself. That's what makes a great Mom. And ditto what pp's said, what counts is that Edith has had an amazing Mom for 99.9% of her life. 

circa1978

I hate those in-retrospect moments of guilt. But don't let it get to you. 

When you got treatment after Edith, you did it so you could be a good mom to her, right? That you did it earlier for your son doesn't mean anything except you knew it could be an issue and were proactive. And you did that for Edith this time too, because you'll be a better parent to both of them if you're happy. 

ETA: Your babies are beautiful BTW. Congratulations on that sweet little boy.

Eddy1

They don't call them starter kids for nothing! We all have these regrets.

I feel bad that Jack didn't get good juju in the womb because I was still dealing with the fact that I was pregnant. And lets just be honest I was a bit resentful that he was going to ruin my lyfe. Turns out he is amazing and I had nothing to worry about.

This baby on the other hand I already know how amazing he is going to be because his brother was/is so awesome so I have loved him from the instant I saw the two lines. I feel bad that I had to work all that out with Jack but Leo gets the more prepared mom.

Oh well, J also has been a spoiled brat for four years and we are probably going to be too tired to give that level of indulgence to Leo. It all evens out in the end. :-)

huber22

Everything eddy said. First kids get things second kids don't. All you need to know is that she doesn't remember it, and from here on out, she's getting an awesome mom.