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What would you have done? (XW related)
Disclaimer--I know it is super early in our relationship to have already met BF's kids, but it is what it is at this point, so please don't flame me too bad for that.
BF's XW has known about me for a little while because the kids talk obviously. However, when BF takes his kids home, even if we've been out doing stuff, I've never gone to the house, even though I ride with them. I'll usually have a book or something with me and hang out at one of the little parks that are in the neighborhood just to avoid drama with her. A small piece of the back story is she was very verbally abusive to him during their marriage and continues to try and treat him that way now that they aren't together.
So, we were on the way to take the kids home on Thursday and we end up being stopped at a red light next to her so she knew I was with them.
At this point, what would you have done? Still followed the normal routine and me stop off at the park? Ride all the way to the house and just stay in the car? Or ride to the house, and get out of the car and be introduced?
What ended up happening was I went to the house, I was introduced - which actually seemed to go well, she was polite and told me to contact her if I was ever with the kids and couldn't get a hold of BF, that she had heard good things blah blah blah. After we left, she sent him a text saying "she seems really nice, don't f' it up".
Of course, now I rode with him on Saturday and stayed in the car since the "meeting" was out of the way and he gets ripped a new one because of how he disrespected her. So, I'm just curious how you all would have handled it because seeing how they interact and how she seems, it wouldn't have mattered what he would have done, he would have been chewed out.
Re: What would you have done? (XW related)
On Thursday I would have driven to the house and stayed in the car but that's just me. Since that meeting went well I would have continued to do that or possibly helped the kids to the house if they're young enough to need that. I don't know what I'd do from here on out. That's weird that she was so nice the first time and BSC the second time.
XH and I have an unspoken agreement at this point that it's just the two of us at drop off. Of course neither of us have anyone we have introduced to DS so that simplifies it some. If we end up getting to that point then we agreed to first ask the other parent if it's okay if they tag along for an exchange then after that's okay'd just give each other a heads up when they will be there.
I actually didn't make the move to get out and meet her on Thursday, BF asked her if she wanted to meet me (since she knew I was there) and she said yes. I ended up staying in the car on Saturday and she didn't even come all the way outside, so I don't even think she knew I was there then.
Normally, I would think it was weird for her to be so nice and then BSC 2 days later, but she has a history of being a little unstable when it comes to BF...so I wasn't really surprised by that part at all.
I probably would have stayed in the car too. "out of respect"
But, what I find weird- she knows about you, she knows you spend time w/ her kids - why on earth wouldn't she want to meet you? I can't imagine not wanting to know more about the person who is spending time w/ my child.
Clearly, though, she has major issues. I have a feeling if you had stayed in the car, she would have been pissed about that. You're probably in a lose- lose situation!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm not sure why you need to be present at drop off/pick up. It seems like that is unnecessary and just kind of begging for drama, especially if she is volatile and given her history.
XH showed up to get DS on Easter with his gf in the truck. I asked to be introduced to her and it went just fine. I think she was a little surprised, but the reality is that I wanted to know who was going to be around my child. I already had an idea that he had been around her because DS kept talking about her.
I just personally wouldn't be present for drop off/pick up. I also cannot remember how long you two have been together but it does seem like it will cause more harm than good to be present at drop off/pick up.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We happened to be out doing a bunch of running around in her area and she lives a good 20 miles or so from where I live and BF was running late to bring them home, so we just went. Its not the "norm" for me to be there when taking them home.
I ended up meeting them super early (as friends originally). We've been talking for almost 3 months, actually BF/GF for about 2.
Luckily I know this and am ok with it, some people are just crazy. But since I know there are a lot of single moms over here, I was curious to see what you all thought.
Another fun piece of info about her craziness...BF asked her if he could pick the kids up late Friday since he was supposed to work late (from her instead of from school) and she told him she couldn't and then proceeded to ask him if I would be able to do it instead - this was prior to me meeting her.
This... hanging in the park would be silly... she'll learn to deal with it. D's wife is like this and he doesn't engage in the drama and handles it extremely well or as best as he can when you're dealing with a nutter. It's a control thing on her end and it's best he not play into it and do what's best for the children then the two of you.