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do people have grief 'setbacks'?
I felt like when my dad died, I did slow, steady, forward progress when dealing with the grief.
Anniversary days, special occasions, or events that cause vivid memories can still cause some considerable sadness... but for the most part, I deal with it well and don't feel like it disrupts my life too much.
With my dog - it took a while to even feel like I was moving forward, but then things really started to get better. This was welcomed and embraced. simply put - I was so happy to not be so sad.
now, for some reason, it's getting worse and I hate it 
For the past two weeks, I've been fighting back tears and just don't feel like I have a handle on this like I did before.
Then - I deal with things like this:
*sitting on my bed with H and the kids*
me: "aw - I love when the whole family cuddles in bed together."
kid: "but we don't have Milos here"
me: *eyes buring with fire to hold back tears*
Don't get me wrong - I LOVE (crazy love) that my kids have not forgotten him and they know, without a doubt, that he was a member of this family - just like the rest of us.... but my God it hurts
Friday night, I was saying prayers with the kids. After we finish - we pick someone to "bless". G typically picks multiple people, Milos is always one of them. I've gotten used to this, but Friday, he followed by asking me:
"mom - when I go to heaven will Milos be there?"
me: "absolutely he will! and he will be so excited to see you b/c I'm sure he misses you so much."
G: "but what if I'm grown up, and look different, and he doesn't know who I am?"
Holy F, I can't do this crap.
Last night I cried myself to sleep. I hate that I'm back "here". I thought when things got better that they would just keep going.
Re: do people have grief 'setbacks'?
awwww. you poor thing. I'm sorry that you're feeling like this again, I know how much it sucks.
Yes there are grief "setbacks" and yes they suck, hard, but things will continue to get better. i promise.
and also, I would tell G that Milos will recognize him by his sweet heart or something like that, and tell him that puppies never forget the people they loved and that loved them back.
G: "but what if I'm grown up, and look different, and he doesn't know who I am?"
Um, yeah, if you can not tear up at this you are made of stone.
I'm sorry it's tough again Floyd. Do you feel like your depression goes in cycles? And maybe you are just in a trough right now? Which is making the memories harder and sadder?
I am a mess this week already - again in full sync with my period to arrive on Friday. I started crying last night in a cab for no.reason.at.all.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
(((hugs)))
I think this is normal, but I still struggle with finding normalcy right now, so what do I know?
Grief is cyclical, and yes, I think this is normal. As for Gabie, I'd tell him dogs don't see people any differently, ever, and he'd know him anywhere.
((hugs)) I'm sorry you're in a wave of this now.
Frankly, I'd be surprised at anyone who was not saddened when reminded of the loss of a beloved family member. It's ok to feel bad about this. I had a few tears last night thinking of our old Pete, he's been gone three years.
I had a therapist tell me one time that we go through the 5 stages of grief, but in no set order and we can repeat different stages and that is ok.
it's ok to be back there. it really is. my dog passed away 2 months ago and i still cry about her being gone. Milos was a big part of your life and it will take a while and that is ok.
I'm sorry Floyd. My dogs's health is declining (I can't even talk about it) and last night H and I were talking about whether G will be old enough to remember him and how much she loves him. (I would say that 80% of her words relate to him I'm some way and he's the focus of most of her babble).
Its heartbreaking to think about. Having gone through the grief of losing my Dad I feel somewhat more equipped to deal with his potential passing but for my H, I'm very worried. He had a pretty traumatic childhood and his dog was his first experience with unconditional love. He will be absolutely crushed, and feeling much the same way you do.
I know you'll work through this, and I hope you don't beat yourself up so much for missing your friend. And of course he's going to recognize you guys, dogs are magic like that!
I think this is totally normal.
Maybe tell your kids that Milos will remember their smell? Dogs are always sniffing people and have good noses. That's probably what I would say.
I know I'm going to need serious drugs, therapy, or both when (sob!) my dogs are gone. I tear up just thinking about it.
(Edited to get the correct name in there.)
Aww Floyd, I'm sorry :-(
I think people do have grief setbacks, yes. I think it is a totally normal way to feel. I mean, just because you have accepted that a loved one (person or furball) is gone, doesn't mean that it doesn't seriously hurt inside, still. Does that make any sense?
I'm sorry you're feeling this way but it is normal. ((hugs))
i'm sorry. it must be so tough.
it sort of makes sense that this would be different than your dad, since you didn't always have the most awesome relationship with him, your kids were smaller and didn't know him as well, and he wasn't in your daily life. your dog was their pet too and you had him with you all the time. there's just going to be more stuff that comes up daily that will bring him to mind.
I think it's compounded, too. Like interest. Some days I can think of my mom with very little feeling; other days, when I'm lonely, and something else dreadful has happened, I miss her very much. With my brothers being so ill, I keep thinking of her, how it felt to lose her, what it might be like if my brothers don't make it, and it just sort of piles together, all the losses into one big loss, undifferentiated from others.
I'm actually going to cry when your dog dies. Your avatar always makes me smile and if I could run my fingers through his floppy ear curls, and rub my face in it - I would be on it like white on rice.
I'm really (from the bottom of my heart) sorry to hear he isn't doing well.
Thank you everyone, for the kind words. I appreciate you guys. so much.
EM - your mashed potato story was as sweet as it was sad. I bet your grandma loves that a smell can bring her back to you like that. ((but not that it makes you sob. sorry about that part))
I posted a similar thing over the weekend and then DD it.
Try not to think of it as a set back. Grief comes in waves. It ebbs and flow's and there are triggers that make it worse sometimes. You need to be able to embrace it so that you can control it when you need too.
I swear by the book Tear Soup for anyone above the age of 3.
((hugs))
I'm sorry. I still get upset over my favorite cat, Elwood who passed away almost two years ago.
all of that makes sense, and I've pondered it before. In fact - I have, at times, felt guilty that my dog's death has been harder than my dad's. but alas - the facts are the facts and I've come to terms with all of that.
I guess I just expected my 'grief curve' to mimic my dad's in a steady incline kind of way. Even if it was a slower overall process.
Guess the old saying is true: "you learn something new every day"
It's been 4-1/2 years and I still have set-backs. I probably always will. It's mostly a dull ache, but every once in awhile, something pops up, and it really hurts.
Floyd, it's going to take a lot of time before the "knife thrust in the heart" pain goes away. For me it took 13 months.
Forget-Me-Nots: Alaska State Flower
Sure. I'll be fine and WHAM, there it is again.
It comes to me in dreams every several months. Just a smidge of that intense pain. The price of being human.