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Is it just me or is this rude....
My FI and I are engaged and were waiting till we moved to our new town to take engagement photos. His Aunt (by marriage) recently bought an expensive camera and now thinks that she is professional photographer. She has been hinting every chance she gets that she wants us to hire her to do out engagement photos. We let her know that we are waiting until after our move to take them mainly because of money issues (we just graduated from college and have not started our jobs yet). Our move is a few days away and last week, she called to offer to do our photos for free as a our wedding/engagement gift and we obliged. I was actually very excited as she is not usually very nice to us. I gushed to my fiance and my family about what a sweet gesture that was. She met us at the golf course where my FI and I met and took photos. I was very excited because despite not being able to afford it, we REALLY did want photos from our home town before we moved-especially at the golf course where we met.
A few days later at our engagement/going away/graduation party that my family threw, she brought her camera and offered to take photos of us with our parents as we wont be seeing them until Christmas. Because she offered to take all of the photos, no one else took any....
The pictures from the engagement photo shoot are awful (off center-too bright or too dark- terrible angles)and we don't have the time or money to reshoot them (or the clothes because everything is packed)....She took over 300 photos and only about 10 are usable. I'd really like to have those ten and the ones from the party but....
Now we find out that if we want any of the photos, we have to order prints through her...and they are NOT cheap!!!! I'm not expecting a bunch of prints for free but I'd really like the digital copies....I even offered to do the editing myself because I am a graphic designer but she refuses because she "If she gives them to us for free, she will have to do that for all her clients." To top it off she told us that we better get married in our hometown or else she isn't coming.
Is it just me or is this incredibly rude? My fiance was not surprised because apparently she does this all the time......I guess I should not be surprised either as about a month ago she invited us to go to dinner at a very expensive restaurant for my FI's grandma's birthday with her parents, her husband and all of her children. My FI and tried to share a meal because we were worried about cost but she told us to get whatever we wanted...when the bill came she sent it back for the waiter to separate it because she was paying for everyone but "Those two" and pointed to us. My FI was furious and we felt like we were not part of the family. Its one thing to not pay for everyone but not after you spent half the dinner bragging about how much money you have....
I know I may be ranting here but I feel like this was very rude! I was raised that you don't treat family like this...even my FI and his mom think this is rude....
Re: Is it just me or is this rude....
Is she obnoxious? Sure. But if this is her normal mmodus operandi, then why did you say yes?
If you are mature enough to get married, you should be mature enough to set boundaries with friends and family...
Let this be a life lesson (well two actually). First, recognize that pissy people don't change and act accordingly.
Second, the sundries, like engagement shots, do not make the marriages but how you act as a couple/tram does.
Of course, she's horribly rude, but why do you expect her to act any differently than how she's shown herself to be? You and your FI gave her 3-4 chances to crap on you, even though your FI knows how she is, and she took the opportunity handed to her. She's shown you the person she is, don't expect any different. Next time she starts hounding you to have her take pictures (she'll probably "offer" to take your wedding pics), just tell her that you'd prefer not to mix family and business.
Not having her at the wedding would be a bonus worth having the wedding OOT.
Many wedding photographers throw in free engagement pics in their wedding packages, FYI.
You can go to the picture people and they will take your photos for free. You have to pay for the prints (same as any other photographer), but they have packages so you could end up not spending too much - and / or they will give you the CD of all of the prints (I think it costs $170 for the CD).
If this is the way the aunt acts, then don't be surprised! You've so far paid nothing for the prints, so don't pay her anything and just say you decided to go with a profressional. Nothing makes her pics the "Official engagement photos." Unless you are getting married next week, I'm sure there will be other times you go home and see the golf course where you married.
In the future when you go out with her, order what you can afford, even if she tells you to order anything. Or meet up with your grandma some other time for a birthday celebration. Again, nothing makes HER party the "official celebration."
And who cares if she doesn't show up to your wedding? Have your wedding wherever you want. The people who love you will make the trip.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Just another comment - - I had a friend who got married, and one of his groomsmen WAS a professional photographer. Seriously - he shot supermodels, etc. for his job.
He promised the groom he would photograph the wedding "as his wedding gift." but when he went to the wedding, he spent all of his time socializing, being a groomsman, etc.
With my point-and-shoot camera, I took 95% of the wedding photos they had (at one point, the groomsman / photographer took my camera, b/c who knows where he left his and I was taking shots of their "first dance," and he woke up and realized maybe he should take the shots).
The lesson of my friends experience is.....don't let family do your photos! And don't mix friendship and professionalism! What happens if your aunt "just wants to take a break" during your wedding? "I don't mix business and family" is never a bad motto!
Realize that SHE will never change, and either SHE can be unhappy with your choices (you choosing a professional to take your pics) or YOU can be unhappy with your choices (being bulldozed into doing things her way). With your money, your time, your wedding - - let her be the unhappy one.
I agree 100% do not use friends or family for things that are important. We hired a family friend to do photos, I really wish we had went with the more expensive photographer, however, in the end he did ok, I just wanted more pictures. DH groomsmen was a DJ, we never even thought about him being a DJ at our wedding. We wanted everyone to have a good time. Oh, where the wedding is located haha, she would be lucky if she received an invitation.
I would tell her that you cannot afford to pay for pictures and offer that you misunderstood her offer of taking the photos as a wedding present.
so fine. you didn't have the foresight to work out the details of the printing engagement photos before she took them. so now you know. buy 3. be done with it.
and dont use her for your wedding photographer.
Typically you are required to PAY for an engagement photo session and then PAY for prints. We got 14 photos out of our engagement photo session. Can you pay for the rights with them on CD?
I'm surprised she did not bring this up when she offered to shoot the photos and agree that it's crappy, but also this is something you should have looked in to further before agreeing to let here take the photos.
For your wedding, you will have to pay a photographer for their time taking photos and then you will be required to buy the prints. Please look into this before agreeing to a photographer. Some photographers will have package deals that include taking the photos and some prints that come along with a certain price. Some photographers will charge separately for prints.
I learned the hard way to not mix friends & business. My sister's SIL took our wedding pictures. She left before the reception started and took 9 months to get our pictures back to us. Never again.
So just chalk it up to lesson learned and move on.
Yes, I think that this is a sign of how crappy your Aunt is going to be. She is very crappy, acts on selfishness and favoritism but you will not get anywhere saying anything. I would simply leave her out from now on. Not in a petty "I didn't get you a gift because you did this" More of a "We chose not invite you, include you, or get you anything, take it as what you will but we will not stoop to your level."
Family wedding vendors, it's hit and miss. And it is based on how your family is. The family I am marrying into has multiple florists, caterers, and photographers. They have done wonderful jobs at past weddings or other special events. If we all choose to, I am sure they will be great at my wedding. But I only go that by their past "free for family" work. I don't know how I would feel about depending on someone that had never done before.
Do you really need to ask other people if someone is being rude or not?
Wow. She sounds awful.
I would let her know that you thought that prints would be included as part of her gift to you. Then decline to order any prints from her at all.
Hire a real photographer for your engagement pics. Don't go out to dinner with her again. At future events encourage everyone to take pictures. If they ask about Aunt doing it let them know that she charges an arm and a leg for prints.
Good luck!
Just decline to order any prints from her, and find a wedding photographer that includes engagement pics in the package, or pay a REAL photographer to re-take your engagement photos. Who cares if she is pissed when she sees them, she is an idiot and her opinion doesn't really matter.
don't miss family and business, always bad
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
She sounds horrible. Don't have anything to do with her. Sounds simple to me.
The plus about the messup with the engagement photos, IMO, is that they're easy to retake. It's not like the wedding where the guests and all have to be in them - you can really easily fake them even after the wedding, when things are a bit more settled financially.
Be happy that you learned this BEFORE the wedding! Count it as a lesson learned, and refuse REFUSE to allow her to do any photography during your wedding.
In fact, you can even put in your contract with the real photographer that guests are not permitted to get in the real photographer's way (regular people like your mom and dad won't get in their way) and / or no guests are allowed to sell photos of the event (photographer has exclusive rights to all photography sales). Yes, you can include anything in a contract - - I put a clause that no guests were allowed to have the mic at my wedding, b/c I didn't want any drunks thinking they could sing taking away time that I had paid the band for.
If you are still short on money, maybe someone from your family can pay for a regular photographer for a birthday or Christmas gift. Also, see if the golf club has a photographer they recommend - - someone who would know what shots look good.
Stop associating with the aunt. I'm not sure why you do. If your fiance's parents don't live in town anymore, then just stay with your own family and maybe visit his grandma when you come to town. Few people go out of their way to see their aunt and uncle. I'm also curious why if both of your REAL families live in that town, your MIL and FIL were not at grandma's birthday party.
This! And I have actually photographed a few weddings, and all were as a wedding gift for close friends/family. At the time I was considering being a photographer on the side, and this was a way to build up my portfolio, so it was a win-win for both the bride/groom and myself. For your aunt to have said she was going to take engagement photos for you as a gift, and then turn around and say that she's not going to give you the digital files, AND wants you to buy prints through her - wow. Run for the hills, man. (This would be different if you had hired an established professional photographer where there was a contract and an agreement to pay, of course.)
Make it clear to her that you have decided to hire a different wedding photographer for your wedding. You do not have to give a reason, but if you really want to, you can say you value your relationship too much to mix business with family.
All three weddings (and engagement session) I photographed, I emailed each of them ALL of the digital files. They ended up getting to order their own photos and photobooks from any online photography site.
I am not a professional photographer, but I work at a high volume photography lab/studio where we print everything (prints, posters, greeting cards etc) and to be honest I personally think that paying a crap ton of money for a photographer is silly.
Some of the best pictures I have seen (during this graduation/wedding season so far) have been snapshots of the grads that their parents took with point and shoot cameras (which typically have a lot of standard settings on them in general anymore). I can understand getting a photographer for a wedding or big event obviously but it's not like you can't just take snapshots (of ANY occasion) especially when you are on a tight budget.
I would re-do the engagement pictures with whatever clothes you have, and have someone just take snap shots of you at the golf course with a simple camera etc...that would be better than having terrible pictures you hate.
This. Sears always has online coupons and you can in and out pretty quickly. And again, like PPs wrote, don't mix family with business/money matters. Feelings always get hurt.