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My sister is getting in over her head
She's taken this family from church under her wing. The wife is pregnant with her fifth child. They don't speak english. They've been in America for years. She calls on my sister to do the phone calls she needs to make, including wanting her to call her kids school to see about pulling them out of school to help her take care of the other kids because she's been so sick during her pregnancy. Are you freaking kidding me? My sister gives them money, tons of advice, is probably going to stay with the kids while the wife gives birth. The wife insinuated that if she can't pull the kids out of school, she'd like my sister to come help her with the kids. My sister is married with two kids of her own. She feels like she's doing the Christian thing by helping her out. I think the right thing to do would be to look up English classes for them to take and point them in the direction of social aid that they would benefit from.
I'm all for helping people, but not people who won't help themselves. They're using my sister as a crutch to provide the things that they don't know how to do for themselves and are not willing to learn.
Re: My sister is getting in over her head
You didn't mention how your sister feels about the situation, aside from "she's doing the Christian thing by helping her out." If she doesn't have a problem, then neither should you.
How's her H about the whole thing?
Then she needs to get out.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
Then she needs to point this family in the right direction to find the help they need, not try to solve their problems herself. Can your sister set them up with some sort of services in your area that might help them with child care? Does the school have an interpreter or interpretation services they could use for a meeting with them?
In our area there is an organization specifically to help Spanish speaking families find everything from health providers to churches to schools and other services. Could your sister find something like that for them?
I think your sister just needs to tell her that due to family obligations she can no longer help her out and give the woman a list of resources that she can turn to for help.
The woman is clearly using her, kind of sounds lazy. Does this woman have a husband or is there an active father in these kids' lives?
There is a husband and he also calls on her to do tons for them.
This. If she feels taken advantage of, it's because she is. There's more than enough resources for this other family. How did she meet them at church? If it was through an organization or group to help those in needs, she should talk to them about the situation and see if they'll help guide the family to other resources as drama-free as possible.
If I was her, I would talk to the mother and explain that she wants what's best for the woman's family and they need help greater than what your sister can provide, and that she'll help them find access to those resources. The lady sounds lazy, honestly, and will probably be a huge turd about it, but if she cops an attitude, IT'S NOT YOUR SISTER'S FAULT.
The "Christian" thing is to do the right thing, and the right thing is not being emotionally and finanically terrorized and burdened.
"Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him" Luke 17:3
Tell her to rebuke that ho! It's what Jesus would do.
What is their reasoning that they can't do things themselves? I'm probably ignorant about the language barrier in other parts of the country, but I live in Texas so someone only speaking Spanish certainly wouldn't hinder them being able to get things done.
It's things like this that piss me off because there are real families who be so much more gracious with your sister's help, and people like this make other jaded about helping those in need.
LOL! They randomly met in the bathroom at church and the lady asked for her phone number. I told my sister to talk to her priest about it if she's conflicted. Surely he would agree that the right thing to do would be to teach them or tell them where to get aid, not serve as a bandaid for a bigger problem. The help they need will be never ending, so when will it ever stop?
I live in Texas too. They speak Arabic, not Spanish.
Ahhh, ok! Makes more sense now for me, sorry! Your hunch is right for your sister to talk to her minister, I'd go that route before I had to just cut off contact or anything severe like that. Inshallah, he'll be able to help ease the situation.
Inshallah is the only thing I know in Arabic, but it totally fits this situation!
Is it sad the first thing I thought of when you said they met in a bathroom and she asked for your sister number is "that's exactly what happened to me in that gay bar in Austin"?
I'm sorry for your sister, hopefully she'll find an out soon! She's a helluva nicer person than I am for doing as much as she as already.
lol