Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Long Distance
Help! My fiance took a government job over 2 years which required him to move out of state. I stayed at home because I have a really, really good job (pay, passion, people, etc.) We are getting married in October and I have to decide whether or not to leave my job, family, everything here, and move 2,000 away with him! It is a hard decision for me since I am so fortunate to have this job, especially in this economy. I need some advice please! We haven't had a real relationship for over 2 years and its getting pretty old but I think I'm afraid of the changes that will come!
Re: Long Distance
I would think that you and your FI would already have had discussions about where to live, given that you are getting married. If not, that is something you need to discuss ASAP.
I guess part of my confusion is what is the alternative? Get married and continue to live apart? When would that end? Does he have plans to move back at some point in time? Would you try to find a job there and then move there? (In the latter case, you should be trying to find a job there now)
You also say you don't feel like you have a real relationship. Yes, long distance is hard. My H and I did it for almost two years. But I didn't feel like I didn't have a real relationship. Do you try to make efforts to stay connected-skype, visits, phone calls, etc.?
I have to say, it sound like you are not sure you are ready to marry this man.
My FI and I had a cross-continental relationship for two years- and we spoke on Skype nearly every day. It was hard, but we were able to make it work.
You have to decide if your relationship with your FI is worth the move, and worth leaving what you know. You can easily build a new life if it comes down to it, but honestly, it doesn't really sound like you want to.
I know it sounds awful, but there are other jobs, even in this economy.
I did not read through all the comments, so forgive me if this has already been said....
Does your company have a branch or whatever in the state your FI is in now? Have you looked for jobs out there?
If you are unsure, it might be wise to put the wedding on hold for a while. This is something that needs to be resolved before, not after.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Let me see if I understand this:
You are 5 months away from committing to this man for the rest of your life and you are trying to figure out if leaving people you like working with is worth it so you can begin your marriage to one another?
I get feeling unsure about what is to come and the idea of starting over (career, location, etc.) but if you're not ready or willing to be flexible then I'm not sure why you agreed to marry him.
This ^^^^
Didn't you discuss this when he took the job? IMO this is something you discuss with a fiance'/significant other before making the decision.
When hubby and I started dating I was in AZ and he in IN. We did the long distance thing for nearly a year. It sucked but we spent a lot of time on the phone, he visited me, and I him. We discussed me moving VS him moving & decided TOGETHER what would be best even before we got engaged.
I think you need to talk with him and figure out what is more important to you.....a job or your fi. Sounds to me like you may not be readdy for marriage to this man.
It really is up to you. My fiance (boyfriend at the time) moved away to a new job in a new state (he always dreamed of living in that state). We talked, and I didn't want him to miss the opportunity. So even though we were living together, I helped him pack up and move (then I moved back in with my mom).
We were apart for 7 months long distance before I finally took the plunge, and left my stable (but going nowhere) job, packed up, and moved 3,000 miles away from my family, everyone, and everything I knew. I mean we were out there without anyone to visit or rely on. I even moved to a place the exact opposite from where I came from (NYC girl to a small coastal town on the West Coast).
It really depends on what matters to you. I helped him move because I knew it was his dream. I moved with him because I wanted to be with him.
But I also know that in a heartbeat, he'd pack up and move back to be with my family (and his family too).
Was I ready for a change? Yes I was. Was I ready for that change? I wasn't sure at the time.
I ultimately made the decision to go, because I realized that I would regret NOT going and trying rather than going and failing.
Good Luck.