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Is this a good reason to have baby #2?
H and I go back and forth about whether or not to have baby #2. Our first year with DD was rough. She was not a good sleeper and had a few (relatively minor) health concerns, and I had pretty awful PPD. That year really took a toll on us and on our marriage, and frankly, we're terrified to go through that again. DD is so much fun right now (she's 2.5) and we feel like we've really settled into our life again.
We're getting to the point where if we're going to have another baby, we think we'd like to do it soon-ish - like starting to try within the next year. But we go back and forth on whether or not we should.
The biggest reason we can come up with to have another child is because we don't want to look back in 10 or 20 years and wish that we had, and we both truly think that we might.
That's not a good enough reason to have another baby...or is it?
Re: Is this a good reason to have baby #2?
Sounds like a good enough reason to me.
Let's face it, the odds that you will be crazy about this child are very very high. SOO if you suspect you will regret not having another then I say go for it.
And this is coming from someone who hemmed and hawed over #2 for a very long time
DO IT!!!!!
I'm probably the last person who should be answering in this thread. LOL
I think no matter what you do, it will be fine. The bad things you listed are valid reasons to not have another.
on the other hand - I personally think siblings are priceless, and once he/she is here - you will say you couldn't imagine it any other way.
Regardless - I don't see a reason to have regrets either way.
go for it.
fwiw, DH and I almost split the first year of DD's life. I literally had bags packed for me and DD and in my car one day. Obviously, DH and I worked through our stuff. She was a very difficult baby too.
We chose to have another one. But we promised each other we wouldn't divorce in the first year and suck it up no matter what happened during the year. So far so good. 9 months to go. I think the pressure is off since we both went into this one know it might totally and completely suck for the first year or so. Luckily, we've been realy wrong so far.
I had a perfectly healthy baby and no PPD and last year was still pretty rough so I certainly don't blame you for being afraid to go back to that place!
We are one and done for many reasons and the only reason I would ever consider another baby is that I'm afraid I'll regret it if I don't. I know that is not a compelling reason, with the con side being so overwhelming so I am going to just keep reminding myself of that.
I will say though, that if it's always been your dream to have more kids and to give your DD a sibling, there is a good chance that your next baby will bring a different experience.
Jules, I freaking kid you not - we are in this EXACT same position, down to having a really, really bad first year, a kid that never slept, PPD, etc.
At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that we always said we wanted two kids, and we want Will to have a sibling. He's not going to have many cousins at all, so it's important to us for him to have that family. If that even makes any sense.
So, we're going to take the plunge this fall.
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The thing is, even if the first year is bad, it's only a year. We got through it once and I'm confident we can get through it again. I think. lol
Actually, that was one of my reasons. I struggled with the decision to have #2 for at least 3 years. It was truly a hard decision to make because I never thought I was the mom I wanted to be for my DD when she was born. I had some PPD as well so a lot of fears entered my mind.
But then I turned 32 and I said to myself "either shiit or get off the pot" and H said he was about 90% on board. He said he would have been content with just sticking with one but I didn't feel like I would be. So we decided to go for it.
So here we are at 2 and I'm thrilled! I forgot how much of the baby stuff I missed and can experience all over again with my son. It was extremely rough in the beginning but now he is so much fun!
I wanted to add: I know 32 is considered still very young to have children but for us that was my cut off. My husband is a tad older than me and he didn't want to go into his 40's having a baby. I didn't blame him so that was our agreement. I got pregnant at 32 and had him at 33
I think cbwm brings up a good point. Although I haven't officially entered into the babyhood stage again, having the perspective that the time is temporary is invaluable. This time around you know it is temporary. It sucks when it sucks but then that time passes.
This has at least helped me during pregnancy. I knew during first tri that the terrible feelings would pass. I know the uncomfortable feelings I have now will pass. I hope that this carries through into the first year. It is comforting to have the prior experience.
Ok, I'm watching you - show me that it will all be okay with 2!
We're in the same boat with no cousins, and really wanting DD to have a sibling. That said, we also know that a sibling doesn't necessarily = best friend. Neither of us is close to our siblings at all, which doesn't help the decsion.
I think that people who are saying that we won't regret the child once she or he is here are right. While our first year with DD suuuuuuuuuuuucked, we love her to pieces and absolutely don't regret her. Now. Ha.
And I agree with eddy's last post completely.
Also, this is the second time around. You are definitely more prepared this time around. I was able to prepare for the sleepless nights, the screaming fits, feeling fat and dissatisfied with myself LOL
But here I am almost 10 months later and I feel great! Son still screams sometimes but he is a happy baby/sleeps great/and is so much fun!
I'm going to tell you, I'm not a fan of the first 6 months AT ALL but I got through it and now I feel like breathing a sigh of relief like I accomplished something LOL
I just dumped this huge question out there and now I have to head to a meeting.
I'll read when I get back. Thanks in advance, all.
I think you'll have a better grasp on all that stuff that scared you the first time.
I wasn't all that particularly close to any of my siblings for many years but lately we've all really come together for each other. I'm glad that I have them now. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, you know I'm a kid producing machine. lol
We have the same worries with siblings not being best friends. DH doesn't even talk to his brother (I've never met him) and while my brother and I aren't close, we don't hate each other (lol) and we're family and that's what matters, you know?
I keep telling myself that I think part of the reason it sucked so bad with Will is that I went into it thinking that it was going to be easy as hell, that I'd nannied for years and spent more time with other peoples' babies than they spend with their own kids, etc.
And then reality hit and that sh!t was HARD, yo.
But, with the next one, we're going into it more prepared for what might happen, and we know what to expect with colic and acid reflux. And everyone seems to tell us that you're soooooo much more relaxed with the second one and that even with a PITA baby, it's somehow not as bad.
Those people better not be lying to us. That's all I'm saying.
You should just go for it like we are.
Though I will say - if I'm going to get pregnant again, it needs to happen like it did with Will - a complete and utter surprise. lol
I mostly lurk here, because everyone often says what I'm thinking...a few times, before I get to a post...but I thought I would chime in because we were in the same place not too long ago.
My second son was a nightmare for the first year. My husband and I still arent sure how we all made it through. He was unhappy, colicky, didnt eat. The only saving grace was that he slept well. We had always said we would have three kids and be done, but we definitely revisited the subject a few times during E's first year.
Thing is, like someone else pointed out, once you're through it (whether its the first three months, six months or a year) its totally worth it. I have a happy toddler and its amazing to watch my boys play together.
Here's hoping #3 doesnt upset the balance too badly come August.
I can tell you that C was a better sleeper than K, initially, and in general was such an easy baby. My point is, what happened with one kid does not mean it will happen with the next.
I think if in your heart you feel your family would be complete with another child, then go for it. We always knew we wanted two (though it happened sooner than we wanted) but if I had not been able to have another I would have been happy with just C.