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Mom: Any advice on bossiness?
God, I hate 3.
Rachel has gotten so incredibly bossy. Particularly to my husband, she treats him like a rented mule. I don't know what to do. The individual instances don't seem time-out worth but the constant bossiness is really annoy and disrespectful. She doesn't do it much to me, but I think it is bothering my husband but he doesn't really know how to handle it.
Re: Mom: Any advice on bossiness?
DD's bossiness cycles around. When she is in bossy mode and I pick up on it quickly, it is usually only a day or 2. I just give her the mom look, and ask her "do you want to try asking that again" in that disappointed mom tone. Usually, she will rephrase and use a better tone, if not, then she doesn't get whatever she was demanding and I just walk away and tell her that I would be happy to help her/do something with her/whatever she was asking when she learns to ask politely.
Now, if she tries to boss me around and tell me to go pick up a toy, I tell her "I have no problem picking up your dolls, but when I pick them up they go right in the trash can". I've never had to throw them away, she will go pick them up willingly or ask for help to clean up.
Strangely, the bossy is kind of reassuring. I will say "It is time to go!"
Then she will say "Come on, Daddy, it is time to go. Put your shoes on, Daddy. Put your coat on Daddy."
I think that it shows that she understand to sequence of things.
The problem is I don't think she understand where she stands in the hierarchy of the household.
Wait to you get to almost 6. Omgaaahhh! lol
DS tries to boss me around allll the time. I have to put my foot down and tell him "try again, I won't be talked to like that" For him it's an assertion of independence as he is the youngest in his class at school and gets bossed around a lot. I've just started him in karate and it's beginning to make a big impact with the discipline issues.
I realize this is just one example, but telling him to put on his shoes and coat when it's time to go are not, IMO, an example of being bossy. Why can't she say these things? It's not disrespectful and has nothing to do with the "hierarchy" of your family. Of course she understands that mommy and daddy make the decisions. But at 3, I think it's perfectly acceptable and age appropriate for her to reiterate the steps of things to you and your DH, such as what we do before we leave the house, getting ready for bed, etc.
Yeah is not just this. Sometimes she will scold him in a way that she has been scolded "DON'T RUN IN THE STREET DADDY, that is very bad, don't do that again." (Clear my husband isn't running in the street.) Plus, it is her tone. She is very "Listen to me, I am the boss" in the tone of voice, I don't know how to describe it. Also, she seems to pick on her father. She is always "You have to do this, Daddy" and "You have to do that".
I think part of the problem with him is he will just do what she asking. I will stop her in correct her and not give her what she wants until she asks politely. I will tell her what she should say. If she says "Give me some juice" I will make her say "Please Mommy, may I have some juice." before she gets it. He would just give her the juice.
I think my approach to this has been to correct her when she says things that come across as bossy - before she knew what bossy meant.
So if she said "Get me that!" I would say "How about a please?" And she'd correct herself. Or something like that.
Now I just tell her she's sounding bossy, and ask her to change her tone. But she's a mini-teenager now, it seems. She does respond well to the redirection.
Wander, she is just practicing her older sister schtick.
Seriously though, it honestly sounds more like she is just repeating what she is told and doing it to an audience willing to listen... literally. If anything I would, at this point, try correcting her tone of voice (this was HUGE in my house growing up) and of course, reinforcing manners.
I am not sure what you mean by redirection in this situation. But she will say "Please" if I tell her to. I would like her to say "Please may I have some more juice" but will let it go with a simple "Plllleeeeeeeeeease"
I agree. Tone was huge in my household too. My mom always told me, and i tell DD, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it".
I guess more of a direction than redirection- just a nudge to say "That's not how we speak to people.", modeling the appropriate way to ask for things, etc.
I don't let her get a way with it with me, so she doesn't do it with me nearly as much. If she does it to a grandparent, friend, teacher, etc in my presence I will correct her. However, I feel like if she does it to my husband he should correct her. I think I may have answered my own question. He needs to be consist with her.