Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Do you consider this lying?
If on an online dating profile someone puts "single" instead of "divorced" if they are in fact divorced? I mean sure you are technicallly single if you are divorced... do you see this as deceitful?
Re: Do you consider this lying?
I was emailing with a lawyer a month, or so, ago and he put "divorced" vs. "separated" and his rational was: "separated means you are not sure in your decision to divorce and I am most definately moving forward with it, so I consider myself divorced". I found it a bit odd because to me you're not divorced until the paperwork is finalized, regardless of where you are in the process, kwim?
Is it lying? I'm not sure, but it seems a bit deceptive to be honest.
Good question... I prefer the mindset that I am "single", although I don't try to hide the fact that I am in fact divorced when I'm talking to a guy.
I just hate to wear a big "divorced" bumper sticker, that shouldn't define me, you know?
I'm going to come out of lurking to answer this.....
I am on the fence. I saw someone that listed single and then in their profile listed that they had been divorced for 5 years and only married for 2 so they "felt" single and I understand that.
However, I tend to side-eye the people who put single who have been married before as I see it as the same as saying your seperated when you are still married "but it's not going well"
Kind of? I know some guys who have / do that. I do see it as lying if they say they are single and go with it.
I had one guy who put single on his profile but then within 2-3 relatively short messages back and forth said he apologized for putting single instead of divorced and explained that he had gotten a ton of e-mails asking why his marriage failed and it was making him uncomfortable. He changed it to single with the intent to let women know very early on that he was divorced. He was very upfront about why he did it and explained himself well. I believe him. In that case I was okay with it but I don't see myself being okay with it in my other situations.
hmm....
I say I am divorced when people ask. However, I have heard of my friends referring me as 'single'. I think it depends on the context of saying I am "available" vs. martial status.
Technically it means the same thing but at the same time, I would prefer to know if they are divorced rather than single for various reasons.
If someone puts single or divorced when they are in fact only separated then I consider that lying and wouldn't go out with them... unless they had just slacked on getting the divorce but they had been separated for many years or if it were a church thing.
If someone lies about children then I won't go out with them. Period.
I think if they are upfront about then divorce, I wouldn't be worried. Because technically both are correct. I think having the divorce stigma is annoying. I get why the sites have it, so that you can filter out not wanting someone who was divorced, but I mean I was divorced at 27. So annoying that if I decide to online date in 10 years, I'm still classified as "divorced."
Maybe on an online dating site. I get the divorced stigma, that is why I my new FB page after I updated it (every friend knew the deal) I put single instead of divorced. However on my match - I put divorced because I believe it matters there - some people have issues with dating divorced singles, so I would want to be honest and weed out.
I think most people feel that way (bumper sticker) but I prefer putting "divorced" on dating websites bc some people have a problem with dating divorced people, so that way I dont have to deal with them. I do think its odd to put "single" when you are divorced.
Oh snap! I said to him, I didn't realize that you were divorced I must have missed that in your profile.
His response: it does say I'm divorced
So I go and read it again, and he's changed it! WTF?
Honestly, I think it's a really personal decision w/ how you identify. I have a friend who had a REALLY hard time after she divorced and really felt that there was a stigma to it. She felt like she was wearing a scarlet D on her chest, and had a hard time figuring out how to tell people when she started dating.
I personally think she was making a bigger deal out of it than was necessary - but this was how she felt and I couldn't tell her she was wrong!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't consider it lying, but I do think it's misleading. When someone describes themself as single, I don't assume that they have never been married, but I can see how a person who isn't divorced or widowed would think differently. I don't think it's a big deal as long as the guy is upfront about it early on. It's a huge issue if a guy is divorced and never says anything about it.
On a dating website putting single when you are actually divorced is lying.
Saying you're single when you're divorced in this situation is an omission of the truth, and yes, I consider that lying.
Saying you're divorced when you're only separated is a flat out bald faced lie. "I FEEL single, so I AM single" is a load of crap.
But I am single. It's not a lie, I'm not still married to my ex husband. Divorced and single are both accurate.
Did his wife know that? Sickening.
I get your point, I really do. I still think you are lying to say you are single on a dating website.
I completely understand the thought process behind this. But I also think that by saying 'divorced' you're also saying that you have those type of life experiences. And I think not saying so can shortchange yourself.
I do understand that there seems to be some sort of stigma attached to divorced people on dating sites. I do know tho, that when I see someone over 40 (I like older, so that is just one of my numbers) that is listed as 'single', I assume that they were never married, and that makes me pause. I would rather know that someone has indeed loved and lost, then never loved enough to take the plunge and then made a very hard decision that was best.
Does that make sense??