CP: Running Husband

gt7301b

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/65828200.aspx

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/65812668.aspx

What does H&F think about this subject?  I see a lot of H&F posters commenting on the MM thread and there seems to be a different mindset between those individuals who are "competitive athletes" and those who aren't.  (I use the term competitive loosely, but I get where her DH is coming from) My DH and I have actually talked about how we will compromise when we have kids, but we both realize that we won't have as much free time for training as we have now.

Mrs.Handy

It's hard to balance childcare and training for races.

Compromise and understanding are key.

But you really need to be on the same page, be willing to make sacrifices, and communicate effectively.

DH recently started to ramp up his running and is training eventually for a half marathon with talk of a marathon next year. I'm thrilled about this since we can share his passion together. I encourage him to run as much as he wants.

It's going to be really busy when I start training for a marathon later this year. But we've been honest from the beginnning. 

I really hope they can find a compromise.

Susie Derkins

The biggest difference I noticed from H&F was the MM OP's attitude about his running schedule, calling it "obsessive," which to me sounds judgmental and possibly ignorant of what distance races require in terms of training.  His running sounded pretty normal to me -- yep, that's what it takes!  

That isn't to totally excuse his behavior though.  It sounds like they have serious communication issues.  She's jealous of his time with Ms. X, resentful of his time out of the house (leaving her with an unfair proportion of responsibilities), and possibly also jealous that he's running/racing/has a hobby and she's not.  Some of those things are fair and some are not.  They need to be discussed, and a middle ground needs to be found.  Him being clear in advance about his training schedule is a start.

Him doing shorter races like gumi suggested makes the most sense to me, along with him taking the kids at certain times of the week so she can have some me-time (however she chooses to spend it) too.  The H&F parents are proof that it can work, but they need to "fight fair" on the issue and work toward a solution that they can all live with.

WinesNotWhines

I posted on that thread. I can appreciate both points of view. Long-distance running is time-consuming and tiring, so I understand the husband's perspective about that. On the other hand, I think family trumps individual pursuits like running. I changed my training and workout schedule a lot after having a kid. Now I try to do the majority of my workouts during the week, so they don't interfere with family time on weekends. There's a reason why I haven't run anything longer than a half marathon since my son has born -- the training for a full marathon is too time consuming and I can't do that to my family right now. That poster's husband seems to be putting running above his family, which isn't right.

ETA:  I'm not saying a parent can't train for long races, but both parents need to be on the same page and agree to it. If the other spouse isn't ok with it, then some compromise is necessary.

MrsStubbs

Susie Derkins:

The biggest difference I noticed from H&F was the MM OP's attitude about his running schedule, calling it "obsessive," which to me sounds judgmental and possibly ignorant of what distance races require in terms of training.  His running sounded pretty normal to me -- yep, that's what it takes!  

I think when you are taking half a day off work to run it falls into obsessive.