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How do I deal?

I just had my bachlorette party this past Saturday so that means my Fiance will be having his. My problem? His bridal party is most likely taking him to a strip club. That is 100% against my rules (I guess you can say...) I disagree thoroughly that engaged/married me should not step foot in there while in a serious relationship. I feel like this is a make or break for us. He knows my issue with it. Some of his party knows too. Fiance says he just wants to go to a baseball game and I think thats wonderful...but knowing his groomsmen, I think they have other plans.

I keep thinking about it and it's making me sick and interfering with our relationship lately. I honestly think that if he goes, I don't think I can marry him knowing that he betrayed me and my wishes.

I know some women are going to bash the hell out of me but go ahead. We all have our issues.

I just need some advice on how to cope with this pain it's causing. :( 

Re: How do I deal?

  • I think you need to trust him. 
  • I am trying hard to. It just hurts to think of him out staring and touching other women. I know what they are about.
  • imageMissBrittanyAmber12:

    I just had my bachlorette party this past Saturday so that means my Fiance will be having his. My problem? His bridal party is most likely taking him to a strip club. That is 100% against my rules (I guess you can say...) I disagree thoroughly that engaged/married me should not step foot in there while in a serious relationship. I feel like this is a make or break for us. He knows my issue with it. Some of his party knows too. Fiance says he just wants to go to a baseball game and I think thats wonderful...but knowing his groomsmen, I think they have other plans.

    I keep thinking about it and it's making me sick and interfering with our relationship lately. I honestly think that if he goes, I don't think I can marry him knowing that he betrayed me and my wishes.

    I know some women are going to bash the hell out of me but go ahead. We all have our issues.

    I just need some advice on how to cope with this pain it's causing. :( 

    I'm not trying to be snarky here- but if your FI knows that you don't want him to go to a strip club, and he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to. He really, honestly doesn't, no matter what his wedding party has planned. He's an adult, and he can put his foot down about the situation. Having said that, if he does go to a strip club (at which point you'll have another set of issues, since he knows you didn't want him to and he went ahead and did it anyway), nothing says he has to do anything other than look.

    But if you truly feel like this is a make or break situation, he needs to be fully aware of that. And if you're so worried about this it's making you sick, I would strongly suggest that the two of you consider postponing the wedding and get counseling, both as a couple and individually for you- since, according to your OP, he hasn't even said that he would go to a strip club. If you're just basing this on a feeling, then talking to a neutral third party wouldn't go amiss, I think.

    You have to trust your FI. If you can't trust him not to do something you feel strongly about, then marrying him RIGHT NOW isn't a good idea.

     

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  • Is it true you're also pregnant?
  • PurrBoxPurrBox member
    First Anniversary
    The only thing you can do is to let him know how bad it would make you feel if he goes to a strip club or has strippers at the party.  Let him know that you are against it 100%, and that it's a make it/break it kind of thing.  If he assures to you that he won't do any of that, then tell him that you trust him.  That's all you can do.  Also, tell him you've got something better planned for the wedding night. Wink
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  • No I'm not. I was at the time I joined the website...She's now 8 months old.

    imagej&sr:
    Is it true you're also pregnant?
  • Thank you for your kind words. I will certainly keep that advice in mind :)

     

    imagePurrBox:
    The only thing you can do is to let him know how bad it would make you feel if he goes to a strip club or has strippers at the party.  Let him know that you are against it 100%, and that it's a make it/break it kind of thing.  If he assures to you that he won't do any of that, then tell him that you trust him.  That's all you can do.  Also, tell him you've got something better planned for the wedding night. Wink
  • I have learned that marriage is 1000000% about open communication. People will never be able to read your mind even when they "know" you and your characteristics. I would suggest that you let him know exactly what you are feeling, especially since this situation can make or break your relationship. I would be completely open about where your relationship would be headed if he made a decision against your desires and you have communicated. 

     Also, there will be sooooo many other things in marriage that the two of you are not going to agree on. They may even be very strong differences of opinions on some things. Now is a good time to really sit down together and come up with a game plan on how the two of you can incorporate a way to deal with issues and implement compromise tactics so that you don't find yourself always stressed out when things are not always swinging in your direction. He should be willing to make compromises for you, but you have to be willing to do the same.  

     I wish the two of you the best and a LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG happy life together! Hang in there girl and pick your battles. Listen. don't ever let anything stress you out so badly that you are getting sick.  Life is too short. ~Muah :)

  • doglovedoglove member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    imageMissBrittanyAmber12:

     I honestly think that if he goes, I don't think I can marry him knowing that he betrayed me and my wishes.

    I would tell him exactly this so that you are both clear on where you stand here.

  • PurrBoxPurrBox member
    First Anniversary
    imageMissBrittanyAmber12:

    Thank you for your kind words. I will certainly keep that advice in mind :)

     

    imagePurrBox:
    The only thing you can do is to let him know how bad it would make you feel if he goes to a strip club or has strippers at the party.  Let him know that you are against it 100%, and that it's a make it/break it kind of thing.  If he assures to you that he won't do any of that, then tell him that you trust him.  That's all you can do.  Also, tell him you've got something better planned for the wedding night. Wink

    No problem.  Good luck, congratulations, and try not to let things stress you out too much!  Smile

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  • A few thoughts -

    Strip club =/= "touching".  Many clubs actually have rules against that.  And as far as looking.... eh, I don't know that what you can see at the beach or out on the town for a night is all THAT incredibly different than at a strip club.  Clearly- not full nudity, but what is acceptable to walk down the street in - he's going to see scantily clad women his entire life. 

    I'm only saying this to make sure you put your expectations in check in the "big picture" way.  Is it going to upset you that he's sitting on the beach and see's women in tiny bikini's?   Do you expect him to never, ever "look" at other women?

    Past that, I really side eye "friends" who will do something that is supposedly so against the wishes of the bride/ groom. Either he's not making it clear to them because in the end, HE doesn't really care all that much, or his friends are total a$$holes.  And when it comes to friendS plural - I do think who a person chooses to be friends with says a lot about who they are as a person.

     

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • I totally agree with you. His bachelor party is not for his friends, it's for him. If he can't stand up to his friends for his future wife, than that's a legitimate topic to work through. 
    Figure out exactly where you stand, and let him know. But don't get to worked up about something that hasn't happened.
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