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Still having sMIL issues.
Long vent...sorry
I posted a few days ago about my sMIL putting a dent in my plans for DH's party. I took the advice and went ahead and told him about the party. DH told me today that FIL and SMIL had a huge fight (they fight A LOT) but wouldn't tell him what about. Considering yesterday DH told me that he had it out with sMIL about having Memorial Day off, it's pretty easy to figure it out. DH knows his father pretty well and FIL is ok with DH having the day off. However, sMIL is obviously not.
I also need to clarify that even though I do not like sMIL, I have always been nice and polite to her even though she has a tendency to speak her mind and has called me fat 3 times since I have known her. Also, honestly, no one in the family can stand her. Trust me, it's NOT just me.
Like I said, DH and sMIL had it out yesterday about having memorial day off. He argued that he rarely ever asks for the day off (true). sMIL counters with a guilt trip saying she would like to give him more time off and wants to give him another dollar on the hour, but she can't if he keeps asking for time off. Keep in mind he asked for one extra day at Thanksgiving and then a week for our HM in october. Other than that, he rarely asks for time off. It's total BS that she is going to give him another dollar on the hour because FIL and her have been promising that for at least 2 years. He went and got his dealers license just because they said they would but they never did. (FIL owns business, sMIL only runs it. Has no legal claim over it)
sMIL literally only cares about money. She has even stated it herself that money is more important that ANYTHING. It definitely shows because it's obvious that she doesn't care about DH's well being because of how hard she works him. I know that it's DH's problem to deal with but I'm just saying.
I guess I don't really know what to ask for but I'm just venting. I'm just so tired of her crap. My MIL (i actually like her) says that if we give in and move the party to Sunday and he works Monday, then we are giving into sMIL and she will expect it all the time. I have seen so many posts about setting up boundaries that I believe this is one that DH and I need to stand our ground on. sMIL honestly reminds me of a child who is throwing a tantrum because she's not getting her way. She tried to guilt trip DH and when that didn't work, she got mad and called him stupid. She more than likely did the same thing to FIL. FIL even told DH that she ranted at him last night about how stupid he was.
If you stuck with me, bless you.
Re: Still having sMIL issues.
Good question -- I'm thinking they must be something like a burgular alarm/security company or some type of industry that provides emergency services.
To me, if you are a "normal" business and the banks are closed, then so is your company.
uh how old are you guys?
You are grown, married adults so why the f**k is this even such a huge drama-rama in your life?
You have said sMIL has no legal rights to the business- that means that she can not fire your DH and if FIL has said it's ok for him to take the day off - the drama is over. DH has the day off- no matter what nuttiness sMIL is spouting.
Either have the freaking party on the day your planned or move it- either way just do it!
Seriously, if this job causes so much stress for you and DH then he needs to be a big boy and get a new job away from his family
>>>uh how old are you guys?
You are grown, married adults so why the f**k is this even such a huge drama-rama in your life?
You have said sMIL has no legal rights to the business- that means that she can not fire your DH and if FIL has said it's ok for him to take the day off - the drama is over. DH has the day off- no matter what nuttiness sMIL is spouting.
Either have the freaking party on the day your planned or move it- either way just do it!
Seriously, if this job causes so much stress for you and DH then he needs to be a big boy and get a new job away from his family.>>>
This. Totally this. Another option is to have DH take the day off without pay. He can give a few days notice of his personal need to take the day off. Stand your ground. Hand him the help wanted ads, too, while you are at it.
Don't move the party. You need to set boundries. Even with an employer. If she were to fire your DH over this, they would have to hire someone new who would also want days off occasionally, and your H would qualify for unemployment (even if they "fired" him over taking a day off.
You spend so much time fighting and agonizing over sMIL. Do yourself a favor and spend that time and energy finding a new job for your husband. A good mechanic should be able to find a job, even in this economy. And think of other alternatives - I worked for a company and former mechanics actually worked in the anti-theft division (which was an office job, but they had to know their way around the cars to be one step faster than people who tried to steal them).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thanks everyone for your replies. I do agree that I am putting way too much into this drama. The problem with sMIL is that she will *** and complain constantly until she gets something, that's why even though she has no legal claim over the business, she feels she has that right to conduct it the way she wants. I have been looking for jobs for him, but he just seems reluctant to really try and find another job because he is afraid he is not going to be able to pay his bills. I have told him that I make more money now and if he has to take a pay cut, then so be it. I think he is just afraid of what is going to happen when he tells them he's going to leave. His father has a tendency to hold grudges. I have also told him that we are a family now and he needs to put himself first and if they want to act that way, let them. DH really does have a hard time saying no and I've tried to help him with it but I guess that's something I cannot change.
Thanks again everyone. I'm going to go on with the party as planned and if she decides to show, then fine. If not, that's fine to. I just hope she doesn't complain about him having the day off the entire time. If she does, I'm liable to say something.
that she will *** and complain constantly until she gets something
Yes, because that is what everyone around her has taught her. Stop giving into her tantrums and she will stop having them.
I have been looking for jobs for him,
Why have YOU been looking for him? Is he 5?
I'm liable to say something.
About time someone does, but it should be him!
I'm torn on this but I guess a lot of it depends on what kind of business this is, as someone else pointed out.
On one hand, I can somewhat see where your sMIL is coming from. You said your H took 1 week for your HM (I'm assuming 5 work days), an extra day for Thanksgiving, and how much for Christmas (assuming you celebrate it)? How many TOTAL days, including days the business was closed for holiday, has your H had so far this year? Does he plan to take time off for 4th of July (it's in the middle of the week) and/or Labor Day and has he been out sick at all? It's possible your H really is piling up the "days off" faster than he or you realize which wouldn't be appropriate if there's work that needs to get done.
On the other hand, it's a family business and I would think more leniency would be used for holidays as most professionals recognize Memorial Day. I think your H should consult his father, the owner of the company, over this and if he says to come in then the issue is over.
If this really is a problem for your H maybe he should start looking to work for someone else where his vacation is outlined from the start (however many days) so he can choose when he wants to use them.
I agree with the pp who said you teach people how to treat you! Your dh must wear a sign that says "I will do whatever you say - just don't be mad at me, PLEASE!!!"
Your DH needs to grow a pair of b*lls!
If you give in to her complaints or will do anything to avoid hearing them, she WINS! No wonder she b*tches and moans, you and your DH jump to please her b/c you can't stand it. So stop listening, tell her you're tired of her kvetching, and maybe she'll realize it doesn't work with you and she'll stop.
So his dad has no problem with step-mother giving him no days off or not paying him what he is worth, but will "hold a grudge" if your DH chooses another job that pays better and gives him more flexibility during holidays? Your FIL and sMIL act the way they do BECAUSE IT WORKS!!!
If your DH doesn't want to move, he's going to have to sit down with his dad, man-to-man (and not with SMIL around), and say "look dad, I've been working for you for XX number of years, but I don't think I am treated professionally or with respect. I am worth $XX if I took a job at another station, and would be entitled to 2 weeks and holidays off. I love you, but my career is business. If you / sMIL can't pay me what I'm worth or provide a schedule that works for me, then I'm going to have to look elsewhere and you'll have to find another mechanic who will work for my salary and deal with sMILs scheduling."
You need to remind your H that his career = BUSINESS. It would be one thing if dh and his dad were joint owners, or they were working side-by-side, but this is a bad balance of power. Your H will NEVER be free of this unless he moves!!!
So say something! "It's obvious that being here upsets you too much, SMIL...why don't you go home? (or why don't you go back to work where you can think of a new marketing plan to increase business?)" Say it with a smile on your face, and as if the choice is up to her and you REALLY think she has the power to think of a great business plan.
A friend's husband once worked for his parents, and they played him like a puppet. When first going into the workforce, it may seem like a good transition to work for family, but it's not worth the drama and controlling behavior that almost inevitably happens.
I think DH should call a meeting with his dad and sM and say that he'd like to be able to take a day off without the drama. That if his dad agrees to the day off, then that is the end of the discussion. Also, it would be good for DH to have a written agreement of how many days off he is allowed each year, with pay, and that x number of notice is agreed upon. If they can't agree to a business agreement like this, then DH should consider working somewhere else where things can be more black-and-white and less drama.