Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I don't know what more to do.
My DH and I have been married for almost 7 years (together for 12). DH told me that he isn't happy. Doesn't know why just is. I ask if there is things I can work on what should we to help this and he says "I don't know." I am not happy either but I know why I am not. DH and I are like room mates. He doesn't spend quality time with me or our DS and does not communicate at all. I went to a counselor by myself. DH will not go. The counselor pointed out that DH might have depression. I told this to DH and he said that he doesn't believe in that. I hinted at him again today that I wish he would go to the counselor by himself if you would like. He said that he doesn't think he wants to do that. I am running out of options here. How long do I hold on to this marriage if DH is not willing to do anything to fix it. I even tried bumping up the sex but he feels so unattached. I am so frustrated but I don't want to loose my family.
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Re: I don't know what more to do.
See another counselor. Get another opinion.
That your H will not go to counseling with you is a big red flag. it takes 2 to make a marriage work; you and he are supposed to be a team, not 2 separate entitites.
There should be more backstory to this issue.
You need to see a counselor together to help the 2 of you work on what's in disrepair.
I don't know if you're in a bad slump or out of habit you and he started to more or less do your own thing or what but if he won't go to counseling, it's not a good sign.
Bumping up the sex isn't the answer.
It's time for a good and long and honest talk with your H. If he does not wish to be married anymore, he needs to tell you; it isn't right to lead you on or have you stay in a marriage that pretty much is over with a guy who can't be a partner.
It's hard to say what happened here. It could be possible you grew apart; it happens.
You won't lose your family; it's better to remover yourself and a child from a home that is no longer functioning; to subject a child to a home where both parents are unhappy isn't a healthy thing for a kiddo.
It's better to have both parents living apart and satisfied than have parents stay together and be miserable as hell. Kids have a way of picking up on things when something isn't right at home.
YOu also shouldn't be left to more or less single parent the kiddo -- I don't know if you grew apart but even still -- he's not even on the scene with parenting the child or doing anything together with you.
Do yourself -- and the child -- a favor: put yourselves first and get down to the bottom of what's going on here.
First and foremostly you need to talk to him. Good luck.
Well said!!
I don't have an answer for you, but I am going through the same thing. He is depressed, I know he is, but he just says... I am not happy, I don''t know why, I don't know what will fix it, but I'm just not happy anymore." A year and a half ago, his dad died unexpectly and our relationship hasn't been the same since. I really think it is depression, but I don't know what else to do.
I can tell you that I have tried many things, including increasing sex, and nothing seems to last. He wont go to counseling either.
I refuse to throw 5 1/2 years down the drain!!! I absolutely refuse!!! I'm terrified to loose us, it is the only thing i know.
One thing that might make you feel a little better, is if he is not really happy about anything in life, its more than likely depression and not YOU! Like he says he's not happy in out relationship, but all the sudden he hates his job that he has always loved, and never wants to do other things he loved.
Hopefully that is the case, because in time, I am hoping that depression can and will pass. And hopefully it is not us... because we can always makes ourself crazy trying to figure out what we have done wrong, when we probably haven't done anything wrong.