up tosomething or am i thinking to much

breeposey

been married for amonth and a week and he acts like itsa choreto bearoundme we livewith his grand parents weve only been here for a fewdays we are trying to build a house but the more he see's methe morehe wants to be somewhere else. like his single friends. when he goes there he stays. ALL DAY. and when i ask him not to go he gets hateful. but he isthere everyday. HELP.

ladydnene23

that must be awful for you, i wonder what happened to make him do that, but he obviously feels tied down for some odd reason.  you will have to think about what stress brought this on, it could be something big or small or maybe its the fact of you two living with the grandparents. who knows, but it seems like he's rebelling from the married life, maybe flip the script on him and make him look for you.  Dont; do anything bad or disrepectful to your marriage, but he married you for a reason and certainly he needs a reminder.  men can be so hard to talk too!

srgw

Seems like you two need to have a sit down chat about what's bugging him, expectations for your marriage, how you both see your time spent (how much with friends, family & just each other). Did you go to premarital counseling? Maybe a counselor is needed for this to get all worked out.

First off though, he needs to treat you with respect. There is no need to be hateful or rude to your spouse. Major red flag IMO. He can't even have a grownup conversation about something important with you?! Counseling for that definitely.

Do you absolutely have to live with any family? I get it, you're trying to build a house. I'd rather take longer to save/build a house and live in an apt or rental house than live with family. Just something to consider.

 

coffeebreak28

It sounds like the two of you have quite a few stresses in your life right now.  Living with family, building a house, living your new lives as a married couple...that would overwhelm anyone.  The time he is spending with his old friends is probably just his attempt to be around familiar and predictable people.  I think you two need a date night.  Pick a day in advance and ask him to keep that day open just for you.  Go out and do something that reminds him how familiar and wonderful you are.  Don't talk about family, the house, etc.  Just celebrate the two of you.  Maybe that means getting a hotel room for a romantic evening.  But it's also important to let him spend time with friends too.  If he can't give you a day, then you should listen to your women's intuition that something is up.

Leigh2222

Well, living with family even temporarily will put a strain on any relationship.  You don't really have your own living quarters with living room and kitchen (I am guessing), so you probably can't really be 100% yourselves with family around.  He probably feels more stifled by the living situation than with you.

My DH and I lived with my MIL for eight months before we got married, and since we were trying to save money at the time we couldn't really just go out and spend money on dates.  Instead we would go on a long 3-4 hour hike on a weekend and be able to talk.  It was frustrating because back at the house, we couldn't really live "normally" in that we had to watch what we said and how we normally acted because we had an audience (his mom).  A couple is different by themselves than around family members -- not a different "person" but my DH and I can definitely speak more freely and openly without a family member chiming in.

And is there the option of moving out soon?  Or by a specific date?  Knowing there is a finate move-out date helps.  At first living with MIL we did not have one, and then when a date was set, that date was cirlced in bold colors on the calendar to look forward to.