Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How were you able to leave and move on?
I'm picturing myself no longer with my dh. We might go our separate ways but I have such a hard time dealing with all my feelings. Because even if you know it's not working and that it would be the best thing for both of you. I then tend to forget about the bad and start thinking about the history you have, the memories and his good qualities and if I will ever find that in someone again. If you can no longer stick your head in the sand and pretend that everything's fine when it's not. How do you stay strong and convince yourself that it will be ok and not focus on the good side?
Re: How were you able to leave and move on?
I am not divorced or anywhere near a divorce so I can't help but read this and think:
Isn't that the point of marriage? To stick it out through the bad and remind yourself of the good so you have the motivation to work through the bad?
If you're unsure about leaving maybe you should take time to think about how to manage the bad by finding ways to work through it. Counseling is always my first go to when people talk about contemplating ending their marriage (individual and/or couples).
I guess I figure if the bad isn't outweighing the good then maybe it isn't time to end the marriage.
Without further info on your reasons for feeling like ending things would be the best for both of you I stand by the comments above.
Thanks for your replies. Believe me, I'm not giving up that easily. I've tried for many many years and like Blueyes stated "can I see myself continuing like this and waste more time"?!
That's the questions I am now asking myself. I'm not really there yet but I have started to ask myself those questions. And if something is telling me that I can't fully trust him, something is definitely wrong and I don't want to be with someone who is not as loyal as I am
. But I'm struggling with leaving even if I know that's the right thing to do, because I am so loyal and I think back of our history and it hurts so bad. Therefore my question to how do people move on when you can't even picture yourself in life without this person by your side anymore?
Not asking to be snarky just to get more info, but have you been to counseling? Together or on your own? This will really help you both sort out your feelings and get a better idea of what might be cause any rift. AND if he refuses at least you know YOU tried.
Separate yourself completely from him for quite some time. Your done and need to start doing things to make you happy. The divorce can be delt with in time- for now its you time .
I was "sitting on the fence" about my former marriage for about a year.
I ended up ending it at age 31 and now I'm 36, happily engaged to a wonderful wonderful man.
"Isn't that the point of marriage? To stick it out through the bad and remind yourself of the good so you have the motivation to work through the bad?"
It really depends on what kind of "bad" we're talking about. Some "bad" NO ONE should stick around for. I had emotional abuse bad. No, I should not have stuck that one out! No one should! If two people are not going to work on it, then that right there tells you something is already wrong and chances for success is slim.
I had a lot of bad in my former marriage, but it wasn't bad 100% of the time. The bad did trump any good that we ever did had. It was like a slow and steady decline. I was seeing a marriage counselor alone, reading self help books, etc. I had a problem believing the marriages could be and should be better. I never really saw what is was supposed to be like, or if I did, those people were rare and lucky! It took some blind faith and education on relationships to realize what I did have was not good and that I could do much better.
I am going through a similar situation, except he chose to stop trying and wants to end it. His reason was he wants to be alone. I think once there is a reason ... that is enough.
I appreciate the advice of other posters. I am starting to see that sometimes we are not as happy as we seem.
I felt like I kept on trying , seeing a counselor, reading self help and all along he had no intention of trying to make a marriage work.
I believe in marriage, and in happiness. I also believe .everyone deserves happiness.
It's a process.
For me, I go back and forth and feel like you do for a little while and try to do everything possible to make it work. And then I pretty much hit a wall and it's over for me.
Just know it's a process. And I strongly recommend counseling. I have been in and out of it, but go for a few sessions when the pressure and pain is too much. It helps me focus in on what's most important.
Also know and believe that no matter how bad or difficult it seems now, it gets better.
Tea Time for Lulu