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AWKWARD (kinda long sorry)
I was really excited about my sister in law's wedding, I really was. But a whole lotta stuff just happened to make me dread the whole shabang.
1. My shoes are too tight. That's the least of my worries but it has to be said.
2. My husband--who was supposed to walk his sister down the aisle and dance with her for the father daughter dance while a slideshow of pics from their late father played--isn't coming. I will have to store this in my "I told you so" bank. Her wedding is on a Friday. I made the invitations. He didn't notice. I came home a little ticked that my boss needed to know why I need that day off (I'm a teacher). He didn't notice. I cracked wise with his family at a BBQ about all three siblings (including us) having Friday weddings because they're cheaper. He didn't notice. He noticed 10 days before the big day and the day after his promotion and raise. Of course his boss looked at him like he had two heads. On top of that, their workload has gotten crazy lately.
So now I'm dateless and sad because I knew how much this meant to my sister in law. I'm supposed to stand up in the wedding but now there's no one for me to walk with (my husband was supposed to walk me down then book it through the back of the church and get his sister) I'm also rideless as he'll have the car at work. He's planning on going to the reception but he has to be at work the next day at 4am so we'll barely be there past dinner. I could ask for a ride and just stay with my in-laws but.....
Lately, some of the ladies have been giving us the side eye because of our parenting choices and recent finacial problems. We're just getting back on our feet after a long period of unemployment for both of us. A free-spirited cousin offered to watch our 2 year old. I was apprehensive but my son is crazy about him and it's working out very well. My husbands family has been insisting that we find a "real" sitter because they need this cousin to get a "real" job. Well, we three of us agreed that this was just until summer when I could take the time to vet out a center. That's not good enough. They're spreading rumors and cornering us every chance they can to lecture us about what good parents do. On of them even turned it into a race thing (I'm black, he's Mexican (in case you can't see the pic)). To make matters worse, this weekend's bridal shower is at that aunt's house. I might just drop off my banana pudding and roll out.
Am I wrong to feel weird around them now? Should I just suck it up and tiptoe into that church alone in my tight shoes?
Re: AWKWARD (kinda long sorry)
1. Why don't you buy different shoes?
2. Why did your husband not notice it was on a Friday?
As for the comments about your child rearing, tell them it's none of their business and to STFU. Don't go to the shower if you don't think they will do it.
1. That sounds like you bought the wrong size, which I don't think you can blame on anyone else.
2. Why didn't you remind your husband to take off work? For something so important, I can't believe you spitefully did all these wedding things around him,expecting him to notice. My husband and I are adults, but we get busy-so we remind each other of things.
He never has to be reminded about club openings or baseball games. I kinda thought his sister's wedding was on par with all that.
And I didn't spitefully do anything. I marked our family calendar, both on May and June. I came home that day laughing about having two 3-day weekends back to back. His response "Hell, yeah! I know right?!" When I made the invitations, I was super proud of them and showed them to him to proofread. By request of the bride, the words FRIDAY JUNE 1, 2012 were in bold. Thank God I double checked his double check because apparently he didn't really read it.
Ordered them online (I have HUGE feet). Just got them two days ago and it's too late to wait 2 weeks for another pair
Thought I ordered a wide. I was wrong
Of everything you write, I have to say I rolled my eyes at not having anyone to walk you down the aisle. Really?
Anyhow- the family and your child rearing - you need to stop "getting cornered". Start saying "We're comfortable w/ our decisions and we're not discussing this w/ you" and walk away. Seriously. Don't give these people so much power in your lives.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
All the other bridesmaids (all 6 of them) have a groomsman to walk with them. Me walking alone would make me stand out like I had some special role. Also it's not my rule. My sister in law put my bridesmaid-ship on hold until she can find a replacement.
Good thing I didn't buy a new black dress.
I'm still getting the feeling like you could have been more clear to your DH about the day of the wedding. I would have said to him, "Hey, you do know your sister's wedding is on a Friday, right?" and then again even two weeks before the wedding: "Remember, your sister's wedding is on a Friday. Make sure you have the time off."
Sometimes you have to be a little ridiculous to make things 100% clear - especially for such an important day.
And I can't believe, even with his new role, his new boss can't make an exception to let your DH take time off (what about just the afternoon) for his sister's wedding. An aunt's or cousin's wedding - different story. But sister's wedding?
That's what I said. But he is adamant that he can't do it. I think he just feels stupid about it right now and didnt want to push it.
THIS!
It's very likely he did NOT realize the date was a Friday!
I have been planning for months to travel out of state for a friends wedding only to realize last week when I went to put in for my time off that the wedding is on a Thursday! Now I have to change my rsvp because I don't want to take 3 full days of work - you better believe I would never have said yes had I known but honestly, I usually just assume weddings are on Saturdays/Sundays.
However, it's REALLY crappy that your SIL may "demote" you because of this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm giving the side-eye to everyone who has said the OP should have MADE EXTRA SURE that her H knew to take the day off. The OP's husband is presumably an adult. It's HIS SISTER'S wedding! Are we back in the 1950's when keeping the social calendar is the woman's job? I don't make extra-special care that my H doesn't act like a moron. I'm wondering if he even asked for the day off.
It sounds as if in general you really get along with your H's family - problems aside, at least you can go to a family event without your H without wanting to stick pins in your eyes. I envy you!
As for your cousin watching your LO - tell them "I don't recall asking for your opinion." and walk away.
So?
In my sister's wedding, I was the MOH and walked with two groomsmen. I would've happily walked alone, too.
The ability to troubleshoot is really not taught at all anymore, huh?
Being in a wedding is not about who you have to walk up and down the aisle with - it's about loving and supporting the couple. This isn't a theater performance, it's a wedding. The point is to end the ceremony with a newly married couple. Removing a family member because she might <gasp!> walk alone is just forty different ways to stupid and completely missing the point of the day.
All of this. Especially the first part.
I'm giving the side-eye to everyone who has said the OP should have MADE EXTRA SURE that her H knew to take the day off. The OP's husband is presumably an adult. It's HIS SISTER'S wedding! Are we back in the 1950's when keeping the social calendar is the woman's job? I don't make extra-special care that my H doesn't act like a moron. I'm wondering if he even asked for the day off.
It sounds as if in general you really get along with your H's family - problems aside, at least you can go to a family event without your H without wanting to stick pins in your eyes. I envy you!
As for your cousin watching your LO - tell them "I don't recall asking for your opinion." and walk away.
I heart you SueBear.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Why can't 1 groomsman walk 2 bridesmaids down the aisle?
Can you stretch the shoes out? Bring another pair to wear after the ceremony/photos.
Tilt your head to the side, open your eyes wide and look at those making comments about your parenting skills like they are morons.
Take the car and tell DH to find a way to work. He is the one who screwed up.
All of this. My DH is good at keeping track of stuff...uses his Outlook with reminders. But if it's an event that is exclusive to me, like a Scrap-In weekend, I make sure to remind him of it.
This whole post just feels really off to me. How is it possible your H is missing his own sister's wedding--especially given that he was supposed to be giving her away, for crying out loud? You mention it like it's just another slight annoyance, ("I don't have shoes that fit, and now DH can't go so I no one that can walk me down the aisle, etc.") But the real issues here is that there seems to have been some major breakdown in communication, and your DH has showed unbelievable immaturity and poor judgement.
If it were my husband, I'd be livid. I wouldn't really give a crap that I wouldn't have someone to walk me down the aisle, but I'd be furious that my H was apparently so oblivious that he couldn't figure out when his own sister's wedding was, and is now throwing a major crimp into this very important family wedding. And frankly, if I was his SISTER, I'd be even angrier. My brother was one of DH's groomsmen in our wedding, and if he had pulled something like this I would have been devastated. I would have felt like our relationship must not mean very much to him.
Also, I don't buy that your H CAN'T get the time off from work for his own sister's wedding. Ten days before seems reasonable enough for taking off one day of work (maybe even just a half day?) What does he do that they won't let him take time for an immediate family member's wedding? If it were my brother getting married, I'd be doing everything in my power to be there (but then, I probably would have had the day right from the beginning).
I think you should try to convince your H to attend the wedding after all. Failing that, you should do like other posters suggested and take the car to drive yourself to the wedding. Let your H find his own way to work, since he screwed up.
I'm having a hard time commenting on any of the other points in this post...your H missing the wedding seems significant enough to deserve it's own thread...
Whenever we have anything big coming up, I constantly and blatantly remind DH when it is. Example: we also have a wedding to attend on June 1st, and pretty much since the invitation arrived, I've said at least once a week "Don't forget, Bob and Sue's wedding is June 1st, you need to be off that day". No subtlety about "Friday weddings", no assuming he'll remember reading the word Friday on the invitation, just flat out saying "X event is on this date, you need to be available".
No, I'm not trapped in a 1950s time warp, but actual dates for events just do not stick with him for some reason, no matter how important something is. For work things, he really only remembers because he gets like 600 emails a day reminding him where he needs to be and when.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Thank you! I am not trapped in the 1950's either - in fact my husband does way more chores and cooking than I do! In the original post it appeared the OP was purposely not being direct about the wedding being on a Friday, assuming the DH knew, and she could have taken a minute to make a direct statement. Do I remind my DH when he has a dentist appointment? No. Would I help to make sure he's at his sister's wedding? Sure why not?! 1950's please yeah right
I have to agree. I tend to keep a closer eye on our calendar and and remind DH about big events on either side of the family...not because I feel it's my role as wife, but just because I'm more on top of things like that (I'm a little OCD when it comes to planning). My BIL may be getting engaged soon, and whatever day of the week his wedding is planned for, I'll probably turn to DH right away and say, "Okay, that means we might have to take so-and-so day off." And leading up to the big day, I'll probably ask several times, "Did you put in your request for the time yet? How did that go?"
I'm not really blaming the OP for the mix-up. If it's not her nature to remind her husband about things like this, so be it. I just find it so weird that somehow, he was oblivious to the date of his own sisters wedding. It just seems like there might be a breakdown of communication there, on more than one side.