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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I feel like i have a 10 year old!
My husband acts like a kid and it;s killing me! Seriously I feel as though i have a10 year old running around the house. I've made it very clear to him that it's killing me! Any ideas on how to make my 31 year old husband grow up??
Re: I feel like i have a 10 year old!
Is it in a way that he acts like a child. Like goofing around..just having a good time? Or is it so severe it is actually hurting your life? Going out and partying at all hours..wasting cash you don't have. If it's in a way that he is just slacking off at work and bills aren't getting paid and it is actually hurting you then you really need to talk to him and figure out what is going on.
But if he is just acting like a big kid and having a good time then that is your issue. You can't expect a man to change just because you become annoyed and can't accept him as who he is.
Oh wow..okay. Definitely don't blame you.
So sucky thing is he has to want to change this on his own. He honestly sounds similar to me before my husband proposed. Only instead of spending ridiculous amounts of cash on candy it would be clothes. My husband actually said "look I see a future with you but your spending scares me" And we worked through it and he proposed.
Sometimes people don't grasp that you can't always spend money. You need to pull in more then you spend. Something that we like doing is setting a set amount of spending cash for each person. Also printables help out A LOT. I love going over to pinterest and printing out financial and budgeting printables that way we can keep track of bills and then decide if we have extra cash.
And spending can be an emotional thing. I would spend cash on frivolous things when I was upset. Then of course it would just get worse and worse because I wasn't fixing any under lying issue.
Have you ever tried asking him if something was bothering him. Was there ever a pattern of when he would be pissed off and then just go spend money?
While I agree that rampant spending is a major problem, here it sounds like icing on the can't-get-his-act-together cake. Four undergraduate degrees, unless earned simultaneously in 5 or fewer years total, is a bad sign. Throw in his unwillingness to work and I don't know how much you can do to solve this.
How old are you? How long have you been married? When you say he doesn't want to get a job, do you mean that he only gets parttime or menial work that does not take full advantage of his degree and skills? Or is he completely jobless? For how long? Do you have any kids together?
Regarding the job issue, I would recommend he speak to a career counselor to help him get some direction.
$20 worth of candy and soda a day? That sounds like an addiction problem or chemical imbalance.
If you are the sole bread winner, you have some power here. You can ration money and give him "chores" to help run your home. He can be a househusband and make efforts to find a job. Or you can send him back to his parents and give them a second chance to raise him right.
It is time for both of you to reassess goals and realities. Is it feasible for him to get a job in his field? (ie. is it a field that hires a lot of people with his specific degree from his specific academic institution who have never worked in that line of work?) If so, what does he say is holding him back? If not, is there something related that may be less ambitious but that is a realistic goal that he is interested in? What can he do to pursue that?
hahah i have seen this twice today...idk why but it makes me giggle