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No. Just...no.(A long but needed vent.)
I am 33 weeks pregnant and maybe it's hormones, but my future SIL has gone from tolerable to extremely agitating. There was first her insistence that she could be a sort of live-in nanny for us, using the third bedroom. Uh, NO. If we were newly weds you wouldn't think living with us was appropriate, would you? How is it any different if we're moving into a new house with the baby? We are adults, we can take care of the daily needs of a baby just fine. Not to say we won't need her to babysit at some point, but the assumption that she could use our third bedroom is mind boggling. She thankfully got engaged and is doing her own thing now so I didn't even have to address this. (I will add she simply told me how much my bridesmaid's dress would be and when to get fitted - cool, I mean, I'm pretty sure you ASK people things like that but whatever.)
She also seems to think that this child being her nephew is somehow more significant than me being the child's own damn mother. I have expressed numerous times I will not be having visitor's in the maternity ward. It's a 48 hour stay and the baby isn't going anywhere, and we said close family are welcome at our house when we get settled. She told me, "I won't be there for the actual delivery if that's what you want. I'll give you time to yourself but honestly I'm going to be there in the waiting room." No. Honestly, no, you are not. Good luck knowing when you'd have to be there.
And then there is the gem of her handing the friend who threw my baby shower a list of people totaling 36, when my friend said she could accommodate 50. I told her she'd have to condense, since that left 14 for my family and friends. She explained why they had to be invited and ignored that request. For the record, I understand they are a close family but they're not the only family involved.
Ugh. These are probably petty things but her complete dismissal of anything we say just bothers me.
Re: No. Just...no.(A long but needed vent.)
No it's not your hormones...she sounds very rude.
You have stood your ground with her right? She sounds like she is the type that if you give into her at all that she will just keep running things.
you and your H need to do this together, as a team.
Gently and politely tell her, "We appreciate your expectations and we're looking forward to you being a good aunt but we can take care of all the details on our end. We don't need a live in sitter or anything like that" and then let this go.
She should be fine with that.
If she continues on the same kick after you've said your piece, then you and he will have to be a bit more brusque about what's now bordering on gross interference. If she gets huffy or pissed off or doesn't talk to you after that....well, that's show biz. What's right is right but interference is just not cool.
Yeah, I have stood my ground and my fiance has backed me up on it, like I said I just needed a place to vent. I actually feel horrible for getting so annoyed with her and hope it's her excitement getting the best of her. She is on the young side as well so I'm guessing there's a little less knowledge of boundaries, etc, on her end from lack of personal experience. My fiance told her she needed to give me a little space on the baby things(He actually said, "You do realize this is not YOUR baby, right?") and she got pretty upset. It was especially bad when he reminded her I didn't want visitor's at the hospital. But that's when she came up with the comment in my original post. So he suggested letting her think whatever she likes, and she can be upset about it later or accept it once it comes along.
To clarify, I know the bride has the say in the bridesmaids dresses I just meant I thought you usually asked the bridesmaids to be part of your party. Not that I would have declined so I guess it's all the same, but I just thought her assuming and then bossing me around as to where/when the fitting was was rude. She was like, "You need to be back here tomorrow by 10 so we can go to the fitting" when I was at her parent's house for dinner one night. Uh....ok, yeah, noooo problem, I didn't have plans...lol.
Your fiance can tell his sis, "It's evident you are super-excited to be an aunt soon, but you've gotta dial it back a little because you're coming off a bit overbearing and it can be a little emotionally exhausting, when we already have a lot on our plate."
And like others said - you can make a list of visitors with the hospital. Tell her ahead of time that the list has been created so you and your fiance can have rest after the baby is born, and that you both won't want her to go to the hospital for nothing - that her time is better spent going to the house on a designated day for visitors later. If she says she's still going to go to the waiting room, you and fiance can say that it's a shame she is not listening to your requests because she will be going to the hospital for nothing (or just not respond, because she has been warned, and at this point she's just being an airhead).