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First two weeks of marriage are horrible
Two days before our wedding, we were on a cruise ship, sitting on the bed in our pent suite and he said, "I can't believe you trapped me on a boat with your family. This is horrible and I am very unhappy! This is not ideal of how I wanted to get married!"
To rewind a bit, when he proposed last July- his idea of the perfect wedding was eloping in Bora Bora. Of course that sounds wonderful but I wanted our families to come, at least our very close family members. I wanted my dad to give me away and I wanted my mom to watch me walk down the aisle. I wanted his dad to come and bring his wife and make a fun event out of the wedding.
I came up with the idea of a cruise ship wedding because on Princess Cruise Lines, you can get married on the ship, at sea, in international waters, by the captain, and it's legal. I thought it sounded romantic and unique. I have been on a cruise before and I had a lot of fun! I also thought that since the cruise ships are so large, it wouldn't feel like we were all stuck together in one place for the entire wedding event. We would all have our own space and we could come together for meals and parties to celebrate.
My fiance at time agreed that the cruise ship will be an okay idea, until about 3 months before the wedding. Then after a few social gatherings with my family and realizing his family couldn't come- he decided the whole cruise ship wedding was a HORRIBLE idea and he became very upset. He didn't want to be stuck on a ship with my family. He also didn't want to be out of the office for 5 days(he is self-employed).
Please note I honestly think my family is amazing. I feel there is little drama and they all just want to have fun. They are extremely supportive of me and they love me sooo very much. My husband grew up by himself with basically very little family and he refers to himself as an alpha male. He has created a successful business by himself from one penny and he is very protective of it because it is all he has or known.
Anyhow, he brought up a few times that he didn't want the wedding to happen. He basically had it installed in his head that the cruise was going to be miserable months before it even happened. I really didn't want to cancel the wedding for reasons of that it was already paid for and we couldn't get a refund, also we had airline tickets paid for and so did the entire family of 13. Note- his family did not come. People took off work to support us, people saved up pennies to come, and I thought it was extremely selfish to cancel the event. I also knew he still loved me because we have spent 2.5 wonderful years together, basically hip and hip.
When it came time for the cruise, he acted cool with it. Yet, one day in, he was miserable. He was extremely negative (which is not uncommon these days). He said the cruise ship was cheesy, he didn't want to go to any of the events, hang with the family, explore or have fun. He wanted to stay in the room the entire time and do nothing. Because I wanted to prove it wasn't my families vacation and that they only came to support us, I spent a lot of time with him in the room. It was miserable really, kinda depressing- but I tried to prove that we were on the ship to get married and that he was a major role of why we were there.
Wedding day came and went. He hated the attention we had on the boat. One staff member tried to serenade us with a song in the dining room and he was horrified. I don't think he liked how obvious it was that I was a bride. After dinner he asked me to change into normal clothes (instead of wedding dress).
Oh and I forgot to mention we had maybe 3 arguments on board. One was because I was wearing high-heels. I never wear them at home but since I thought we were on a fancy cruise and most people were dressed up, I thought it would be fun to dress up as well. I was having fun, I looked chic and not trashy at all. But since I never wear heels, he thought I was changing right before his very eyes..days before the wedding.
After the cruise, we came home and argued for a few days. We were both miserable and I could tell he already wanted to give up. It now has been 2 weeks, and things are not to much better. He is really hard on me and makes me feel like I am always screwing up. Examples are: I can't walk the dog right, my family is annoying, I sleep in, ect....
For the first time in my life I feel like I am falling in depression. I am usually a very happy person. We have a large wedding reception celebration in a few weeks at my hometown. My mom and dad have spend a lot of time and money on it and it should be a really fun event. He is dreading it and I am just so upset.
I have tried to google forums of similar scenarios of how my new husband has been treating me and acting. I can't find any similar articles because i dont' think this is normal. please help with any advice!
Re: First two weeks of marriage are horrible
First off, I'm really sorry this all happened.
I agree with the pp about your H having control issues. Have you had a serious sit down no interruptions talk with him about all of this? Counseling is your best bet. Did you two go to premarital counseling?
Could it be your husband just didn't want to get married period and was looking for a reason to get out of it? Agreeing to something and them having a huge change of heart sounds like there is more going on than just the location of the wedding.
Why couldn't his family make it? If none of them could make it due to money, then having a wedding at home or something with just the 2 of you would have been more fair. It isn't fun to have a one sided party, no matter how well everyone usually gets along. You say how important it was that your mother and your father see you get married.... wouldn't you think it would be the same for him and his family. You did mention they weren't super close but this is one of the most special days in someone's life, family is important.
I am not really good at the long responses but it sounds like you guys have issues that you need to address right away. Being married isn't just getting through the weeding and thinking everything will work itself out once you get home., it's everyday after that. Good luck.
If he told you 3 months before the cruise wedding he really wasn't into the idea of getting married on the cruise why did you still insist on going through with it anyway? I get not wanting to cancel and having everybody be out the money ... but it's not like you couldn't have all gone on the cruise, had an awesome vacation and just not had the wedding at that time.
I'm not condoning most of his behavior (Seriously, guy, you're on a freaking cruise ship and all you can do is mope around and act like a tool because your FI's family is there, too? Grow the eff up), I'm really not. But as far as making him go through with a wedding ceremony he really wasn't up for, just because that's what you and your family wanted is really, really douchey on your part. It was his wedding, too, and he gave you plenty of notice to scrap the wedding on the cruise ship and work with him to plan something you both would enjoy.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am so sorry he ruined your beautiful wedding. It could have been so different. He really tried to throw a wet blanket on everything.
Don't let him change who you are. If you're a sweet, outgoing, full of life person and he's criticizing everything you do, protect yourself and leave. There is no sense getting into a depression or losing your sense of self over this winy, selfish, dude.
THIS!
YOU insisted on doing the wedding all YOUR way and put your family above your FI's wishes and you really wonder why he was unhappy on the cruise, during the wedding and now you are buttsore because YOU don't feel like he is being nice?
You are way too selfish and immature to be married to anyone right now.
Honestly, I don't blame him for acting like an ass, he was undoubtably MISERABLE thanks you blowing him off in making these plans and I don't blame him at all!
this.
get yourself a lawyer, now, don't wait, this sounds like it's only going to get worse. get yourself out of it.
Is it possible that he got upset that his family couldn't come? If DH and I were to have gotten married on a cruise ship and all of a sudden one whole half of the family couldn't make it, I'd have to rethink that wedding.
But other than that, I'm not sure what to tell you. Try counseling, maybe.
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