Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Heart Broken
Hello fellow nesters, I usually do not post but I really really need help, guidance, and the wisdom of others on how to move on. Last Wednesday my husband of 4 years walked in hugged our son (not his biological son) but he has been in his life since he was 2, kiss our twins, and left the house key on the table and proceeded to leave. He stated that he cares for me but no longer loves me. We went from almost closing on a house to this. I feel so cheated, I am hurt, anger and resentful. This is my last semester of school where I was hoping to received my degree in August. I am thankful that a very good family member of mine has offer to watch the children while I go to school. We had savings which the majority of he gave to me. I am trying to hold back the tears right now, cause my children are near me while I type this. I feel I have no time to cry because I have to be there for my children. My life is so complicated right now. I want to work on our relationship, I even feel I am being nice to him in this situation. I dont stop him from seeing all the children, he comes in and acts as if he still lives here. He does not spend any nights though. I apologize for being all over the place but this is very difficult for me. He even still calls me baby and like a idiot I responds. If he would agree to counseling I know I would take him back, and I hate myself for even allowing that. Some days are good, some I cry so hard I cant breathe. I sleep all the time. If I am leaving anything out please forgive and I am willing to answer. I have not call him and he hasnt call me since Sunday.
Re: Heart Broken
sorry Kriss, how awful.
Did he say why?
http://survivinginfidelity.com/ is a wonderful resource and saved my sanity the past 9 months.
Please, please, please open your own checking account and take the money he said you could have. He may suddenly drain the entire account himself and you would have nothing for your kids.
Also get tested for STDS just to be safe
and see a lawyer (you may still work things out but best to prepare)
(((HUGS)))
Tea Time for Lulu
I am willing to bet another woman (or man) is waiting in the wings. Guys just don't take off like this unless somebody is ready and waiting on his end.
I would NOT let him get off with this scot free. Document eveyrthing --- have a look at the credit card statements; any odd charge you see, you call that number and you ask what type of service they provide.
you may need this as admissible evidence when you file for divorce.
He has very clearly emotionally checked out of the marriage. He walked out like this was a baseball game that got rained out? WTF is wrong with him???
Counseling for you.
How the heck long were you un-involved with the father of your 2 year old when you got involved with this jerk? Maybe you moved too fast in the relationship --- when there is a kid involved, you have to proceed slowly.
Kids have attachment issues.
It could very well be that in his eyes this relationship ran its course and now he wants out. WHo knows what happened here?
He owes you a full explanation. YOu need closure on this. GL.
I lurk now and then but wanted to reply to this. Though it may seem like the right thing to do to be nice, make it easy on him so he'll want to come back... I would recommend against that. He has made a choice here, let him live with the consequences. If he wants to end the marriage, show him what it's like to not be married. He doesn't live there, he will have to share the kids etc. Also, protect yourself financially. I played way too nicely when it came to my divorce. I ended up with nothing but debt and financial hardship that I'm still dealing with. I once went to my ex (who was a very nice, honorable man... so I thought) and asked for a LOAN of $1000, which was like nothing to him... it was a huuuge deal. The thing is if/when a new woman enters the arena (if one hasn't already), it's no longer about you and him. I'm just saying protect yourself financially... take whatever money you can get now so you can continue to survive. Right now is about just taking the next step. It'll be a long time before you figure everything out emotionally and work through it... that will come. Crying is normal... wanting to stay in bed and shut out the world is normal... but you will one day find that sunshine again. It'll peep through here and there, then go away, then come back and eventually get stronger. It's a long process, I'm not going to trick you into saying it'll keep getting better. Sometimes it's a step forward and the next day you feel like you take a bazillion steps backwards. That's normal... but slowly you'll progress forward and make it through there. Until then, take care of yourself, protect yourself and your kiddos. He is obviously showing a lack of thoughtful and rational behavior so you'll have to react to that behavior regardless of how you love him and have trusted him... it's sad, but unfortunately men run away too easily and with the snap of a finger go from someone you knew and trusted with your life to someone you dont even remotely recognize as a a fraction of the person he once was (or we thought they were). Hang in there... I'm a praying girl and that's what got me through the last 2 years since my separation.