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It's that time of year again (Graduations and Weddings)... sticky situation questions!
So, of course it begs the questions...
Weddings: How much is appropriate to spend on a gift for someone you don't know (but is technically family)?
I know it's usually in relation to how well you know someone and your financial situation, but I'm really stuck on this one. DH's cousin, whom I think he's seen maybe once a year (if that) is getting married this summer. She sent us a bridal shower invitation (yes, it was addressed to both of us), and has now sent us a wedding invitation. To be honest, I still have no idea who this girl is - I now know whose child she is and I can picture her parents, but truth be told I don't think I've ever actually met this person or her FI. Now, considering that I'm the "social planner" in our household, it's my responsibility to do something about this. I really have no desire to go to a wedding much less a bridal shower of somebody neither of us knows. Regardless, I think DH will probably want to go anyway to support his mother (this is her niece). So... any ideas on price range for a gift? I'm not really the type to just put money in a card (for Weddings) and call it a day so I'll be going the wedding registry route.
High School Graduation: I / We usually give cash for this. What is an appropriate amount for someone I barely know (but is again, technically family)?
This one is kind of tricky too - the graduation party is for my step-mom's niece (...so she's my step-cousin I guess?). My step-mom married my dad about 4 years ago so I really don't know much of her family very well. I see them at holidays when they are at my parents house, but that's about it. Honestly, we're going to the graduation party more out of respect for my parents than anything but I feel like it's inappropriate / wrong not to take some sort of card with monetary gift.
Thanks!
*~*B*~*
Re: It's that time of year again (Graduations and Weddings)... sticky situation questions!
For the cousin - remember, it's an invitation, not a subpeona. Sure, I'd probably go to the wedding, but I wouldn't go to the shower. I'm not really sure how this is "supporting" your MIL?
I'd probably spend about $50, MAYBE $75, total on both gifts. But if I didn't go to the shower, I wouldn't give a shower gift.
Graduation - I find it really odd, to be honest, that you were invited to this party. Maybe they are trying to bridge the gap, but it just feels gift grabby. I'd probably give $25.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
On the wedding - it's supporting my MIL because she's expressed for years how sad she is that her children (both DH and his older sister) really haven't been close with her side of the family. MIL is from the complete opposite side of town - I mean as far away as you can get and still be in the same area code, so it's not a big surprise that the situation is what it is.
Graduation - I find it odd too, but it seemed to me more of a political invitation than anything. We were invited to the actual graduation too, but I had other obligations. I think perhaps that's the case - bridging the gap. I was thinking probably $25 also, I just didn't want to seem "cheap" or somehow have this end up as a weird situation within the family.
Thanks
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I'd decline the shower and if you didn't feel like you wanted to go to the wedding, just send a $40-50 dollar gift.
For the grad party, I think I would probably decline period. That just seems strange to me. If, for some reason you feel like attending, a simple "Congrats" card would be more than sufficient. I wouldn't feel bad for a second about not giving cash. If you wanted to give something, I got a thesaurus as a grad gift (with a dictionary too) and it actually got used quite a bit during college. They can be quite inexpensive.
If you don't know them/haven't spent any real amount of time with these people don't feel like you have to attend the bridal shower/wedding or the graduation party. Send your H/make an appearance if it'll make you feel better.
Send a gift for the bridal shower if you feel so inclined. Send a grad gift if you feel so inclined.
Where you are geographically plays a role in how much you need to more or less give the b&G.
Out here in NJ it's an "automatic" $200 if you and he are invited as a couple. And more if you are close to the couple.
I think the registry gift is just fine. Find something nice that's affordable and give that as the gift.
$25 shold be find for a grad gift.
Wedding - I'm from NJ and if you both go Tarpon is right - it's around $200 - but that's for the NY metro area. I'm sure ther are "norms" where you are.
Also, YOU don't know who she is, but I'm sure your H does! And it's a first cousin. No, you don't have to go, but I think it's very strange that you would consider going to the graduation party of your SM's niece, but not the wedding of your husband's MOTHERS niece - that he has known all of his life (even if they only saw each other 1x per year)!
I would also add that family ties sometimes ebb and flow. I think its natural for someone your H's age not to be in touch with family. Everyone has their own lives to live and doesn't make time for family. But as time passes, especially if you are in the same region, you may come in contact more and more.
As for the graduation - why are you going? You may consider your father's wife to be family, but her extended family, that you did not grow up knowing, really is stretching the family ties! It was nice of her to ask (or for SM to make sure you were invited), that that is an event I would skip! If you do go, I'd give $25-$50.
About this time every year, we get an invitation to a wedding or graduation where either DH or I ask the other...who is this person? Sometimes, neither of us know and have to ask our parents. In cases like that when we don't plan on attending, we'll send a card acknowledging the occasion but not necessarily a gift.
If it's someone we do know and we can't attend the event, we usually send a small gift card from Bed Bath and Beyond (wedding) or Target (graduation.)
If we attend, we give more.
Bridal Shower at least 25, maybe 25-30...Wedding at least 50, maybe 75.00.
Graduation...so this would be your step-cousin...do you acknowledge them as cousin...if so, maybe 25, if not, maybe 15