Scratching my head.

scorch

Because I m not really sure what just happened.  My husband who I love, woke up around midnite and started vacuuming the floor.  When he was done he came back in our room and said he was going to the ER because he thought I was trying to put my fingers into his rectum, basically trying to rape him, and that I have some kind of fetish.  I didnt do what he said I was trying to do to him.  I find that kind of behavior to be disgusting and I want no part of it.  But he doesn't believe me and now as a result doesn't trust me.  I cannot convince him otherwise. The sad part is that he has done this a few times before .  When we were first married , he accused me of trying to play with his penis in the middle of the night.  I didn't do that either, but he was absolutely convinced that was what I was doing to him.  A few months ago he started  with this anal fetish  and that is the third time this has happened. I'm not some weirdo , I have better things to do in the middle of the night, like sleep. I feel like this is really bad and could actually split us up. 

eav2c

Wait whaaaa? I am so utterly confused right now. 

kellbell1919

So this is MUD, he's mentally ill or he's on drugs.  Or sleep walking?  Dude needs to see a doctor.

panicked228

Is he mentally ill? No snark, that's serious  question. He seems to be delusional and paranoid. Especially if he's done this before, I'd have him see a doctor ASAP. That isn't normal.

EastCoastBride

I suspect that he may have been abused as a child and the memories are starting to creep up through dreams and it's so real to him - he thinks it's actually happening and the only person who could be doing it is his wife.

Leigh2222

My thought was that she forgot to log-off and this is her husband posting.  But that's gross too.

But if this post is not MUD, then I also think your husband should consult a doctor.

However, I have read that men and women can do some things in their sleep that they are not aware of, even weird things you describe in your post.  So maybe it would not hurt if you tell him you both will see a doctor. 

scorch

Not MUD.  I wish you can't make this stuff up. I was thinking mental illness as well.  

 

TarponMonoxide

Being that you are a regular, I do not think you're whack or participating in MUD.

He needs some kind of psychological help. Something is weird here.

An evaluation is needed. And stat.

What you could do:

Go to your local hospital and ask to see the crisis team worker. (Just about every hospital has one) and bounce this situation off her.

You can tell her that your H has accused you of doing things to him in his sleep while he sleeps, if you think spelling out what he expicitly has accused you of doing is too much for you to say to any mental health professional.

Then see what he or she suggests.

This warrants close monitoring. Good luck with this.

linzica

Look into sleep sex. It is real and while sleeping people do things they normally would not, such as heterosexual people make advances on people of the same sex, people can even rape their parters. Talk to your H about what exactly is happening. Maybe you want to sleep with a camera on to see what you do at night.

I'm a bit confused by the vacuuming though. Or going to the ER. Those are not logical reactions to your wife playing with your butthole. Does he have a history of sleepwalking? Do you?

woodie

Is he on any sleep meds, like Ambien?  It sounds like he is exhibiting some of the side effects of those sleep meds, which warn about hallucinations and sleep walking, talking, eating, driving, etc.  Maybe he was sleep vacuuming?  And, I know that hallucinations can be so realistic, you cannot convince the person that the event did not happen.

sapphireblue

I am guessing that he was either having an episode of a variation of sleep walking, or (and I think this is more likely) he was abused as a child and for some reason recently those experiences are becoming more real to him/returning to him (?).

This is bizarre...sorry! It's hard to know how you should deal with it because if he just doesn't believe you, where does that leave you?  

bunnybean

Is he an abuse survivor? It sounds like he's having some serious trouble. I'm so sorry.

scorch

ThanKs everyone.  He suffered extensive physical abuse as a child, not to mention growing up in very dysfunctional house.  I'm feeling better this afternoon,but he probably won't be sleeping in our bed tonight or kiss me goodbye in the morning and that breaks my heart.

 

HB's Girl

scorch:

ThanKs everyone.  He suffered extensive physical abuse as a child, not to mention growing up in very dysfunctional house.  I'm feeling better this afternoon,but he probably won't be sleeping in our bed tonight or kiss me goodbye in the morning and that breaks my heart.

 

I wasn't going to say psychological help, but this makes me think he should.  I was first going to ask about sleeping problems. My DH has mild apnea and says some really strange stuff, or hallucinates (like a train coming right at him, and he jumps out of bed thinking he's jumping from the train). 

doglove

Have you discussed this at all with him? Is he willing to go to counseling to seek help? What is your plan if he doesn't not want to seek help?

Talynted

I suggest you both see a therapist together (also with him alone). It sounds like he's got an issue that needs to be addressed immediately for both of your sanity. I agree, sounds like part of it is that he's sleepwalking. Ask him, without being accusatory, if maybe he is looking for more in the bedroom? Is he suppressing some sexual memory? I am NOT a therapist and am only trying to offer my ideas. I wish you both luck. In the meantime, while everything is fresh in your memory, keep a journal of this activity. It's strange, but when my high school boyfriend would eat pasta with tomato sauce, he would sleep walk. That was the only common denominator we could figure out. His mothere was very worried he'd injure himself or others while sleepwalking.