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Settled to quickly
My boyfriend and I have recently moved in together, adopted a dog and settled into what would be our new life.. I'm not complaining, Im just worried that the romance/spice has been completely removed!
I am very greatful for the amazing man my life has been blessed with he cooks dinner, plays with the dog, but thats about it! The kitchen is always trashed after he cooks, he undresses EVERYWHERE! and can not make the close get into his basket, he isnt concerned about leaving dishes all over the place, he sits on his computer at night catching up in his car forums.. And whats nothing but car shows.
Trust me i enjoy cars just as much as him, but I wont let them consume my life! Idk maybe i am just venting bc I am so used to doing things alone/my way all the time that this is going to take some getting used to. I was thinking about planning date nights, any suggestions? We are mid to late 20's, pretty broke since our move and other accidents... So I'm looking for cheap ideas to keep things spicey!
Thanks!
Re: Settled to quickly
The completely irrelevant advice you didn't ask for is to break up with him. You're still young. There's no reason you have to live with a man whose personal habits annoy the sh!t out of you. He's not going to change. You're worth so much more than this guy. You owe it to the future You to find a man who cares about you and respects your feelings and contributions to the relationship.
Signed,
Woman who almost married a similar assh0le who played video games, never lifted a finger around the house, belittled her, and called her fat for 3 years, all because he said he loved her. After she finally screwed up the courage and self-respect to tell him to go eff himself, she found just about the greatest man on the planet who cooks, cleans, does laundry, calls her sweet names, routinely goes to the Estee Lauder counter for her bc it's closer to his work, and texts her that he loves her at least twice every day.
PS - If you really want to try date nights with this guy, look here and here.
PPS - Yes, I'm quite sure I've significantly imposed my own experiences onto you, but when I was with my loser, all I secretly wanted was for someone to have the courage to tell me that we weren't great together and that he sucked. So maybe I've done that for you today. Godspeed.
My Pinterest
The Googlesites Paint Bio
Thinking of doing cosmetic updates to a dated home? These were our costs.
My Pinterest
The Googlesites Paint Bio
Thinking of doing cosmetic updates to a dated home? These were our costs.
I understand where you are coming from.
And after the last two days I've been heavily questioning this. "This" Being him and I- I have thought from the moment I met him that this was it, he is the one.. but lately, it just feels like hes in it for himself thats it. Im just there to do all of the crap work and to be used when he needs "release" the first time this happened i brushed it off, well the last two nights I've cried myself to sleep bc its starting to seem like an every night happening.. There is just so much going on in our lifes right now I can not tell if this is how it will be forever or just until things settle down. You said you found a guy who tells you he loves you. He does do that and let me tell I am by no means "small" i am a larger girl and im comfortable in my skin, i always thought he was out of my league but let me tell you when we go somewhere, he makes me feel like im the prettiest girl there, like i'm the only one he sees. Im cute yes, but I've never had that feeling before, if thats not the real thing.. what is?
The "real" thing is a guy who feels as lucky to be with you as you do with him and who treats you accordingly, not one who finds the car forums more interesting and keeps you around to pick up after him.
Your size has absolutely nothing to do with your value as a woman. There are plenty of men who appreciate a woman with curves and will find you gorgeous. It sounds like you have a low self-esteem and that this guy is using that to get exactly what he wants. He only gives you the bare minimum of love to keep you around.
I had an ex husband a lot like that. I lived 7 years feeling starved. He only gave me enough attention and enough assistance so that I couldn't easily justify leaving. I was always begging him to get up off the couch or to turn the computer off or to even just have an uninterrupted conversation with me. Still, as long as I stayed, he'd only give me the bare minimum. I finally decided if I was giving my all, I deserved the same in return.
You deserve more than the bare minimum.
Well now i think you are twisting my words a little bit. Just bc im bigger doesnt mean im worse less, i never said that, I am very confident in my self, I actually dont have low self esteem, I'm actually the opposite, and friends have told me before that. I guess I've made A out to be this horrible boyfriend but in reality he isnt as bad as what you and and the other lady have described.. And you know i think right now we are just going thru a stressful time, We just moved in and we are trying to get everything organzing as well as having things to do bc of friends or family, We did rush into get our dog, but i wouldnt trade that for the world.
I appreciate all of your words and encouragement very much so, I think I had given the wrong impression of him tho and it was taken the wrong way. I know we make it thru these hard times, bc the trip isnt always easy, whats the fun in that, need to spice it up with adventure...
Seriously whats the fun if you cant be mad at each other, I think it helps us learn who we are as a couple to over come these obstacles, YES your situations seem to much much more severe than mine ever will be. And That Is amazing that you have found someone who treats you that way. I suggest you listen to the song Wanted.. I can not remember who sings it but its pretty amazing.
Here I go again
I think you're justifying things to yourself. A bad relationship takes a ton of work - it always feels like you're slogging up hills to get things done together or be happy. A truly great relationship isn't work or a chore - there might be little squabbles and occasional rough patches, but it's not the battle for happiness that it can be in a bad relationship. I live 7 hours away from DH (for work) and we see each other only 1 weekend a month and it's NBD. We just pick right back up where we left off the next time we're together. That's a solid relationship. Feeling like one partner's only in it for himself isn't. Don't try to convince yourself and sell yourself short.
My Pinterest
The Googlesites Paint Bio
Thinking of doing cosmetic updates to a dated home? These were our costs.
Re: Im just there to do all of the crap work and to be used when he needs "release" the first time this happened i brushed it off, well the last two nights I've cried myself to sleep bc its starting to seem like an every night happening..
These are your own words - and they sound awfull. You would be so much better off alone. I think the "single girl" time I spent before I met DH living by myself really helped me grow and learn and prepare myself for the marriage I have now. It also feels good dating someone when you have a great plan "B" - meaning you will have a fun, happy life with a great career or whatever even if you don't get married and have kids and buy a huge house etc. etc.
Good Luck to you - please let us know eventually what you decide to do.
I see where you guys are coming from. And Yes I did write those words, but haven't you ever just been frustrated and needed to vent.. i'm positive that is what that was. I mean A and I have BOTH been under a lot of stress bc of work and our families. We sat down and talked about EVERYTHING from us his "release" issue me being extra emotional, our families as well as US.
I know I made A out to seem like a bad guy, but he really isn't he was going through a very tough time at work and in the process of applying for his dream position. And you know what he got the new job and the first thing he did was call me and apologize for acting so distant. At the same time though I needed to apologize too. I have had a really hard time leaving my mom and dad and moving in with him. No this isn't my first time leaving there "nest" but I knew this would be the last time I was leaving.. So I was a bit more emoitional, looking/searching for a reason to go back to them bc I didnt want them to feel like i was leaving them. Well Now the whole place is completely unpacked, everything is in its spot it belongs (oh you must love my OCD ways) and it actually feels like home.
A and I are getting into rolls with each other, and this is bc of the talk we had. He is doing his fair share right along with me. It no longer seems one sided. And we enjoy being together. Last night i was in the living room with the dog watching Love in the wild, while he went into te office to watch deadlist catch and cmmercial breaks we'd take turns coming to visit and give a quick smooch. I honestly believe this was just one of the hurddles we are going to experience in life. AND LET ME TELL YOU. I wouldnt want to fight a battle with anyone other than him.
thanks for all of your advice and kind words.