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Lack of passion?
Hello all,
I'm a member over on TK, but am getting married in less than 2 months. I moved 800 miles to be with him after I graduated college last month, we've bought a house, etc. Life is good. For the most part. So I thought I would see what y'all might have to say.
I love my FI so much. There's no question about it. And he loves me. But he just really lacks passion. About most things, but it bothers me most because he's not passionate about sex, or about me in general. For the most part our sex is good, orgasms aren't an issue. But it's...boring. And he's a bit of prude, so he doesn't seem to want to try new things. It's frustrating because the only time we really have sex is if I initiate or bring it up. I don't think he ever comes on to me, even if we shower together (which we do frequently) or if I'm naked around the house. We do have some foreplay, but it's only if (usually I) ask, "you want to have sex?" And if he's up for it, we get up and go in the other room. There's no spontaneity. No passion. No lust or desire.
I've brought it up to him and told him that I'm afraid we're going to spend our lives in a passion-less marriage. He says that he's just not passionate about anything. I don't know what to do.
Thoughts? Suggestions?
TIA
Edited for clarity.
Re: Lack of passion?
Not even his work, his school, his family, his hobbies or what he wants to do with his life?
Passion consists of a great deal more than just how hot you are for your mate.
Maybe he is sexually inexperienced; maybe it is also the way he was brought up at home.
What do to:
Work on this together --- communication is a must.
Sit down with him when you both have leisure time and you tell him you think he's hot --- and you think it would be great and even hotter if you and he did X, Y and Z.:)
How can he resist?
Make sure you resolve this problem NOW before you are married.
If it turns out that you and he are not sexually compatible, please move on. Don't marry him; marriage won't solve the problem.
Depression is what I'm inclined to go with as well. My ex was very similar in this way, and it ended horribly. He became so apathetic that he literally could not love me. This is something you need to work on BEFORE the wedding.
I don't think it's depression. He has suffered through depression issues before, and this doesn't seem like it.
Could it all just be stress? That would have been my inclination, but he says he just doesn't get excited about stuff very much. He talked to his life coach the other day and I'm guessing he brought this up, because the last couple days he's been a bit more touchy-feely and stuff. Maybe he is just going to have to teach himself to be more passionate...
i think its the stress of the wedding and everything! some people are just that way prude not too enthusiastic, it doesnt mean its you ....
it seems like hes changed over the past few days, bringing it to his attention helps, tell him how you feel i mean you are marrying this man and planning on spending the rest of your lives together right? He may need YOUR help and guidence show him what you like and HOW you want to be touched! Dont make jokes or poke funnies if he does something wrong, or not right.... he might feel rejected, so stay positive and good luck
congrats on you upcoming wedding by the way!!
This is odd. I don't know how good your marriage is going to be if he doesn't get excited about anything. How is he going to make you laugh or turn you on or get you excited about things. That would be a boring life to me. You might have to do that for him for awhile so he can get used to it and maybe feel more comfortable around you to be excited.