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Husband seems resentful...I'm at a loss..
We have a 2 year old daughter and just had our son a month ago. Right after I got pregnant, my husband took a new position where he got to pursue a longtime dream to open his own business in a school. Needless to say, he was very busy this year while I was pregnant and I started getting worried that his later hours would be hard to maintain once the second baby came. Sure enough, the night my water broke, DH rolled his eyes because of all the meetings and things he would have to cancel because of this little "inconvenience" that was about to complicate the next few days. He took a few days off, went back to work and we've been arguing ever since. I don't know what to do. I am home for the summer because I'm a teacher and taking care of a 2 year old and a newborn is really hard! Especially when there's housework and errands and things to take care of as well! The worst part is that he was really amazing with our first daughter and was so excited about everything that our new life had to bring. Now it's like he's resentful of how these two kids have forced him to slow down career-wise even if he really isn't slowing down! I wish someone other than me could just explain to him what having a family means and the sacrifices you have to make at least for a little while! Of course there will be sacrifices now forever but the ones I'm talking about are for while they are completely dependent on us for everything. I'm sick of having the same argument about how we have to come up with a plan to make things easier for me when all he has to do is just pull his weight! At this point, I'm doing more than 80% of the child-raising and that is not what I signed up for when I married him or when I got pregnant with each kid. I don't know what to do...
Thanks for reading.
Re: Husband seems resentful...I'm at a loss..
I'm not really clear on this, sorry.
I'm assuming that you are on some sort of maternity leave and he is continuing to work full time to support the family, yes? So in that sense, you doing the majority of the child raising seems appropriate at this time. What is it he is not helping out with? Is he involved with the kids at all?
He has started a new business venture and he sounds like he is really into it and it is doing well, are you expecting him to take time off to be with you and help take care of the children? Is that a reasonable expectation with his work (is there someone that can take his place in his absence? Can he afford to take time off?), or can you hire some help for you at home?
Is he leaving the house early and coming home too late? Working 7 days a week? Not helping out with the house when he is home?
It's easier to give advice if you're specific about what the problems actually are.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I think I responded to this elsewhere but I thought of something I wanted to add. I'm not being snarky here, just something to consider... when you put in perspective, when you are at home (at least for the summer) and he's working, how can you expect a 50/50 contribution? It's not physically possible unless he didn't work at all.
When my husband was working I also had 80% of the child-raising and housework. I was home during the day on maternity leave, so taking care of my daughter was my "job" (not really a job, cuz I love that little sunshine). And my husband work 40 hour weeks to provide us with more then half of our income.
On the weekends we split the child-raising and housework 50/50. Which I think is incredibly fair as well.
If the issue you are having is that you feel your husband resents your children and isn't spending ANY time with them, that is a big issue and you should sit down with him and voice your concerns. A father shouldn't resent his children for any reason.
But I agree with other posters, you shouldn't be upset over him working and providing for your family. One of you has to work I am assuming, and it just happened to work out that it was him. Maybe what he actually resents is the timing of his dream job interfering with time he could be spending with all of you.