Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Grandparents pushing the soda/sweets?
I know grandparents are supposed to spoil their kids, but I am wondering how much spoiling should be allowed before the baby turns two. Our little one is almost a year, and one of the grandparents makes frequent jokes about giving the baby soda, ice cream, cake and other sugary desserts. He has actually offered the baby several of these drinks/foods but stopped at my raised eyebrows. I am not comfortable with the idea of his giving the baby these foods until the baby is at least 2. We occasionally give the baby small "baby cookies" made especially for crawlers and were planning on having a small amount of low sugar cake for his first birthday, but certainly no soda. Our baby doens't even have juice, just milk and water. How soon did you allow soda and sweets for your little ones? Were you ever concerned about what they were being fed when you were not around?
Re: Grandparents pushing the soda/sweets?
My son is two now. He doesn't get any of this except on his birthday at the end of May, we offered him cake and he didn't like it. If you give sweets to kids too young, they develop tastes for it in the place of healthier foods and...
1. it's bad for their health and teeth and,
2. it makes your life harder when you can't get them to eat good foods.
Some people just don't get it (I once had someone try to give my 8 month old a ring pop sucker!!!). But, you're the parent and you decide. If you plan on leaving LO with others, set the guidelines of dietary things ahead of time on a list. Seriously, write it down.
I can see giving a kiddo one of those "mess em up" birthday cakes at his 2nd birthday party or giving a 3 or 4 year old maybe a tiny tiny bite or 2 of a legitimate birthday cake but wow, forget it. I'd say no to junk too for a youngster that young.
Your wishes should be RESPECTED.
And if they are not, rethink letting the grandparents be near that child. I'm serious.
How often do you see the grandparents? If it's not that often, I wouldn't worry about it. Your child will figure out that grandpa lets him eat that junk, but that it's not available with mommy.
I'm sure DD at things like cupcakes and maybe vanilla ice cream (occasionally) when she was young (older than 1, younger than 2) - I think we were concerned with chocolate. We didn't have that stuff around every day, but if we were at a birthday party she would eat it.
Soda and candy seem a little much, but baked goods really never bothered me, within reason. I'd much rather DS have one of grandma's homemade cookies than something that comes out of a bag from Gerber.
And, to the point of the PP, how often do they see their grandkid? I think you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.
One suggestion - instead of raising an eyebrow, just gently tell them "we actually want to keep those kinds of food away from DS for awhile. There is no need for him to have it and I hope you'll respect our wishes on this".
That being said - I go both ways. If they are around your kids a lot AND if they cleraly aren't going to respect your stated wishes, then I'd be more likely to be pissed and would probably make an issue of it.
But at the same time- if it's sporadic, I don't know that I care as much.
I give DS sweets occasionally. Actually, heck, he often gets something sweet after dinner. A couple small bite sized cookies, or jello. Or... something.
With all of it - he knows it's a "treat" and he isn't going to get it in place of his meal. He actually likes a LOT of foods we feed him, and easily eats fruits and veggies w/o issue. His getting sweets hasn't hampered his love for other foods.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Very well said.
No soda for my 5 year old. She's sipped some soda from older cousins once or twice. I say no to the sweets in front of grandparents, without apology.They gave her sweets from time to time but it didn't add up to much. Once, my mother gave DD a chocolate and when I walked into the room I noticed that it had melted all over her shirt and pants. That was picture pefect for why it was crazy to hand he chocolates. I kept my cool and made my point - really well.
Just be consistent with the grandparents. Laugh at the "joke" of giving her sweets. Don't over react and don't back down.
My 3 year old GS comes up to me and asks "you got gum, E?"
yes, I keep surgarless Eclipse just for him
My 2 year old GS comes up to me and asks "You have wasabi, E?"
yes, he loves wasabi peas and I keep them just for him
My DD was a little wary of the wasabi peas, just a few at a time until we knew it wouldn't upset his stomach
I wouldn't think of giving any child soda but sometimes they do come up to try to sip my diet ginger ale and I pretend not to notice for a little bit.
ILs push stuff all the time and it is now one of the reasons I don't feel I can trust them to babysit. They think 'what happens at Grandmas stays at Grandmas' but when the 3 year old tells me he had pop there I'm not happy.
I've tried the 'please no' route and now I just tell them he will not have pop at their house or he will not be coming over, When they tried to give the baby cake and desserts at 6 months I just told them they were welcome to pay for the allergists and cart the kid to the appointments.
I've been civil about it but I'm at the point that these are MY children and if I say no to something I mean it.
I don't think soda is ever a good option.
Also if you've expressed to them what your dietary restrictions are on your infant I don't think you should be worried. If they didn't listen to you on this and fed your baby things you didn't want, then they don't get to have unsupervised visits.
This isn't exactly the same thing, but my mother was over one day and fed my daughter a piece of melon without asking me if it was ok first. It really bothered me. I know a piece of fruit isn't sugary badness, but still when you are just starting your child on solids, introducing foods and keeping track of what they can tolerate is important. Also, grandparents may not always know a childs ability to properly eat something. For instance my daughter is too young to safely eat chunks of melon, it needs to be blended. My mother didn't know that. I think under 2 (and even at 2) pop shouldn't even be considered and sugary treats should be left for special occassions like birthdays and holidays.
If your baby had an allergic reaction to something they were fed secretly that could be incredibly dangerous, as you wouldn't be aware. Just voice your concerns. It is your child, they are grandparents, you get to make the final decision.