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How not to push the limits with MIL, but being there for SILs
So my future mother in law had gotten pregnant when she was 15, so she knows what it is like being a young mom. My future sister in laws are almost 14 and going into high school. I feel like MIL is kind of keeping the girls from being teenagers by not letting them do things. Like they are not allowed to shave their legs, or wear make up. But anyways, I feel this is because MIL does not want them to end up pregnant like she was.
Is there really a way that I can be there for the girls if they have questions such as getting bc or about sex because they dont know how to talk to mom.
Of couse i want them to be protected too, because the way i see it, telling a teenager NO is not going to do any good, and the best things you can do for them is listen and help them in the way they need it.
Re: How not to push the limits with MIL, but being there for SILs
I know you mean well, but these girls are in the care of their mother and the way she chooses to raise them is her choice. You should not go behind her back EVER to help them get birth control, but instead you should encourage them to talk to their mom and maybe even agree to go with them to talk to their mom if they have questions. Her methods may be atypical, but it is her right to have restrictions for her daughters. Maybe for you saying no wont do any good, but doing something against MILs wishes because you think that the way she is treating her daughters is unfair is just as wrong as what you think she is doing.
If it is upsetting you this much just go and talk to her. Tell her you are not trying to tell her how to raise her daughters but that you just want to know what she would like you to do if they come to you to discuss these issues. That way you are pointing out something she may not see in a nonthreatening way.
TTA buddies w/ xcitedbride2009
Part of me wants to tell you to stay out of it, but that wouldn't be beneficial to these poor girls. I would just say to them "If there is anything you want to talk to me about, I'm available." When the time comes and they need advice, they will feel like they can come to you. As far as giving advice, you'll have to be careful about what you say so that you know it wouldn't upset your MIL. But I agree that it's better that they are informed and protected than not (like your MIL was.) I would just be careful and let them know that you are there for them. If they choose to talk to you then great. But I would let them come to you about things instead of asking if they want to talk about sex specifically or things of that nature.
Are you concerned they are going to rebel just to spite their mom? Are they showing signs of defiance? I guess I don't know why you feel the need to step in here. How would you feel if she as your MIL did something behind your back, against your wishes with your own children? Don't take this as being bitchy, it's really just something to consider.
Parents are very protective of their kids, and rightfully so. Sometimes they do their kids a disservice, but that's for them to figure out as their own family unit.
I don't think it would be a terrible to let these girls know you are there for them if they want to talk, want advice, etc. But physically getting birth control for them without their Mom's knowledge - I don't think that's a wise idea.
If you feel so compelled the only thing I can recommend is helping them out, but at an arms length. For example, if they ask you about birth control say "I know Planned Parenthood is a good place to go to ask about that" or "Why don't you ask your doc/gyno" and leave it at that. I think the less you know, the less your involved, the better.
I know you are coming from a good place, but work within your boundaries here.
I myself wasn't interested in wearing makeup every day until I was about 16. I wore it for special occasions, though, starting at 13, like a freind's party or a school dance or my 8th grade graduation.
Books like are excellent for anybody, especially young ladies. Woman's Body: Owner's Manual is a good one; Taking Charge of Your Fertility might be another good one to get them.
If you are old enough to get your period, you're old enough to also understand that a woman's period is her "red flag." Your period is an overall indicator of your general health.:) If you are suddenly having very light periods, or very heavy periods or you are skipping periods too often, it's time to see the doc.:)
You are doing the right thing by being there for them!
If she is being controlled, she is more likely to go against her mother. Fortunately their are laws out there to protect girls in those situations. They can get BC without their parents consent.
And really? She can't shave her legs? That's just plain mean! Other girls at that school are going to pick on her! And her self esteem is going to drop! You should really talk to her about things!
I'm 26 and I've never been interested in makeup. I wore it to prom and for my wedding. I shave my legs when I know I'll be wearing shorts or a dress/skirt but not any other times.
OP: Are you SILs showing a want to do these things? Have they talked to you about it?
You really need to stay out of it as far as the girls are concerned. If you are really concerned you can talk to your MIL and ask her what she would like you to do? Your SILs maybe more comfortable coming to you, but you need to tell them that if anything they say to you seems dangerous that you need to tell their mom. I have to deal with this situation with my students all the time. I tell them that I am willing to support them, but I have a legal obligation to tell their parents certain things. The students would still come to me and we would go to the parents together.