Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Living seperatly
I am starting college in oct, but my husband wants to stay in our current town so he can keep working. His solution was for me to move to tuscon (2 hours away) while he stays in in our current apartment and work. He only works every other week (65 hours one week) and then has the next 5 days off... my question is... Would you live apart from your husband??
Re: Living seperatly
This is a tough question, which really comes down to how you feel about it. It seems that your husband is on board with the idea, but if you're not, it could be asking for trouble. For me personally, I would not live apart from my husband unless we had absolutely no say in the matter... which will actually be happening sooner rather than later because he will be leaving for the military later this year and I can't move with him right away due to their regulations. For some people it works and others it doesn't... you have to have a really strong relationship to make it work, in my opinion. I wouldn't want to put that kind of strain on our marriage unless it was abslutely necessary. I would personally try to find another way to make it work - either by going to a closer college, doing it online (like I am now) or explaining to him the importance of him finding a job closer to where I'd be if college is immovable. But that's just me. I'm not sure exactly what to tell you, other than that if you have reservations, you really need to discuss them with him. You both have to be on board for something like this to work.
I lived 2 hours away from H for a few years. I'm not sure I'd do it as an indefinite arrangement, but sounds like you have a specific time frame. When you finish your degree, you'll live together again.
It's not your favorite arrangement, but it's a short term sacrifice for a long term gain.
Why are you asking total strangers for their thoughts? If you two think this is the best thing for your family, do it.
The most fun question I got about living apart was always "But don't you want to have kids??!??" I'd always say something like "Well, I know some girls who managed to get knocked up in high school when they still lived with their parents. I can always give them a call and see how they managed it."
Why are you unsure now?
My H and I made a deal that we wouldn't live separately while married because we were in a long distance relationship for 1 year and 2 months before we married and it was hard. So no I wouldn't.
My sister and her H have spent months living separately because of schooling. He's in Med School and my sister was in Physicians Assistant school. It was hard but doable for them.
In your situation your H could come be with you those 5 days he has off right? You could try it for a while and if it doesn't work he could job hunt in Tuscon on his days off and move there permanently once he gets hired.
My H and I are currently going through a similar situation. I got a job in CO and H got a job in NM. Both have great pay. Bot are awesome jobs. But its 11 hrs apart. We have decided to take our separate jobs for 1 year. At 6 months, we'll reassess. This is not an ideal situation and we are both sad, but in the long run it will be more beneficial for our careers. I wish you luck with your decision. Honestly, don't let people tell you how to live your life. I have been called a "bad wife" more times then I have ever waned because I am choosing to take my dream job. Remember there is skype, weekends, phone, text, and ect.
Good luck!
If that's what you need to do right now and you feel confident in your relationship, I say go for it. My husband and I recently did something similar and so did my own parents.
We got engaged November 2010 and then I moved 2 hours away with my dad in Feb 2011. My fiance had a job he couldn't leave if we wanted to get married and buy a house so he stayed with his parents and came to see me on weekends. In August 2011 we bought a house together and in October 2011 we got married. Finally February of this year, he moved into our home with me after finding a new job in town. It was a long year, but we kept busy and did fine!
Similarly -- my mom stayed 2 hours away as well while my dad and I moved. She opted to keep her 2 jobs and live with my grandma to help take care of her. Luckily my dad is self employed and she comes on weekends a couple of times a month and he goes to visit her a couple of times a month. They've been married 28 years now, I believe, and I think that they actually like each other more and spend MUCH more time together than when they lived in the same house.
I have no idea how long they're going to keep this arrangement, I'm going to guess until my grandma passes away as my mom doesn't want to leave her alone.
It depends on so much. My dh worked out of state for 14 months and then again for 6 months. It was very hard on our marriage and our family. We were committed to making it work and not letting it take too much a toll on our marriage. Even then, when he finally came back for good we felt we needed a couple of marriage counseling sessions. We had 2 kids at the time and were very committed.
It.Was.Hard. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. We are, however, stronger because of it. . . not to mention that DD#3 came along 9 months after he returned - LOL!
List the pros and the cons. . .talk about it. Check into the cost of housing - will it be even more of a hardship financially - is your marriage strong enough to handle that? It's a big deal, but that doesn't mean it can't work. Make a plan and put in place some strategies. . .it is possible if it's what you decide to do.