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In-Law Issues
My husbands parents live about five hours away, so thankfully, we don't see them too often. But, when we do, they insist on staying in our tiny one bedroom apartment. We recently had our first baby in March and I thought that maybe this would finally be the time they would get a hotel instead of staying in our living room on an air mattress, but NOPE! We even told them, I have to get up to nurse in the middle of the night, he cries, etc. and she said, "you think that will bother me? nope." uummm...It was a hint! take it! That's the thing, they never do.
I recently talked about all the things that had been bothering me over the last three years. I said how it's awkward to see your in laws in their pjs! We need our privacy! When we have a larger place, I wouldn't mind them staying...My MIL is VERY stubborn and we disagree on A LOT of issues.
When we go to their house, even though it is a larger house. It is full. My husbands older sister (45) lives there also with her 8 year old daughter, who is not the most attentive or disciplined kid. We end up staying in the living room on the futon...Now with our baby I am really dreading going on the trip because there is no where to stay and my MIL is so demanding and I feel has no respect for me as her sons wife or her grandsons mother! All of which I told her. She said she would think it over and get back to me...
Anybody else have super imposing in-laws!? How do you handle it!
Re: In-Law Issues
You have control here - you just need to take it. When you go to her house, stay in a hotel. If that upsets her, too bad - you can't worry about making other people happy. And you sure as sh!t should not try to make others happy at the expense of your own happiness/comfort//sanity. Plus, it's really quite simple - you have a baby to care for, your family needs its space. She doesn't have to understand it, it just is what it is.
Same deal when they come to your house... "As much as we'd love you to stay with us MIL, it's getting to be too much, we really need our space and our time, especially with the little one. We really can't accomodate you in our home this time around. We would still love to see you though, do you think you can manage in a hotel?" If the answer is no, then she doesn't come see you this time. What is she going to do, show up with her bags despite this conversation?
My in-laws are like this... they sooooo do not take a hint. It just requires assertive, decisive communication. You can't beat around the bush and you absolutely CAN NOT leave these conversations open for discussion. Say what you have to say and BOOM that's it, don't entertain the conversation past that.
Where is your husband in all of this? Is he on board?
All of this.
What has your husband's role been in this? Has he spoken to his mother?
Honestly, if it is just a "once-in-a-while" situation for a few days I would say suck it up!
Yes, it may be a bit awkward but I don't think it's unreasonable for them to want to spend time at your house if they travel that far to see their son and their new grandchild!
Well, I want to know where your DH is on this. if he's on the same page as you, then HE needs to tell his mom in no uncertain terms "you'll need to stay in a hotel". And when you go visit, HE needs to tell them "we'll be in a hotel".
But for some reason, I get the strong sense that he doesn't agree, and as such - you're focusing your anger and frustration on the wrong person. it needs to be on your DH, not your MIL.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This! I think that DH is probably just fine with having his family spending time at the house and the OP is the one with the issues