Bad sex

Craftymama11

We have been married for almost 4 years now, have an almost 2 yo DS and one on the way (11wks along).  For the last couple of years, the sex has been getting worse and worse. If I want to actually have an orgasm, I have to do it myself. I have mentioned little things to try to get it to improve, but it hasn't. How do I tell DH that the sex is bad??

TarponMonoxide

Please don't tell me you never encroached this topic with your H at all.:(

Communication is key.

Those are my 3 favorite words on this board.

Better late than never.

What you need to do:

Pick a time when you and he have down time -- and when you're not in the bedroom.  Tell him that you'd love to have hotter sex with him --- and that this is something you and he need to work on together.:)

Make sure you tell him he's attractive and he still guns your motor.:)

Then open the floor for suggestions. Let him go first. Then you come up with your plan to make sex hotter.

Above all do not tell him the sex has been lousy and do NOT tell him that he does not make you orgasm.

Here's my suggestion to spice it up -- you could masturbate and put on a show for him.:)

Or you can show him where to put his hand and show him what makes you feel good. I'm surprised you didn't do this a long time ago.

Another suggestion: tell him you're taking a shower; invite him in.

Or you jump in when he is in there.:) Then let nature take its course.

Check out couples sex manuals -- and you can help: make the foreplay longer -- that's probably what you need too; you can slow down the action yourself.

I don't know what is throwing your sex life off kilter. Maybe you're both harried since you and he are busy with work and a rapidly growing family. Maybe you and he have forgotten the fine art of foreplay. I don't know what has been at stake or what the details are; you yourself know for sure what's been transpiring.

After your talk, he owes it to you to work on this issue with you. If he cares about you and cares about your happiness and cares about you and he as a couple, he'll get cracking and make it start happening.

And he'll uphold his "promise." He'll ensure that you are happy and that you remain that way.

If he won't uphold his word on working on your sex life so it meets your satisfaction, his character just plain is lacking. Nobody needs a partner with zero character.

If he backpedals and returns to the same state he was in or he won't do a thing to start anteing up the way he should, consider either an open marriage -- ask him if it's okay (and do it if he okays it and the idea of an open marriage is fine by you) or consider taking the kids and hitting the road and finding a guy who thinks you are hot as hell and wants an active and satisfying sex life with you.

You didn't get married to find out that several years down the road, you'd have an H who plumb doesn't care about you, your happiness or you and he as a functional and happy and sexually satisfied marriage unit. That's what's the real issue here: he needs to make sure you're happy. GL.

Just what did happen here between you and your H over the last couple years? Is it a bad sexual rut? are you and he down to a quickie here and there? is he just not making the effort or makes a 10 minute attempt at it, out of habit or who knows what?

As I said, only you know for sure.

Don't let shyness and demureness get in the way of a happy sex life. Maybe you didn't talk to him because you are too shy to encroach the topic. Again, only you know for sure.:)

anssett

Yes. What Tarpon said!

I just wanted to add that you participating in getting yourself to orgasm isn't him failing at sex. It's you both getting you to orgasm. You should be using your hands on your body and possibly toys on your body! You know how you need to be touched at any given moment and he can't read your mind. That's not an excuse for him to be complacent and not be on board to improve things, but I encourage you to assert your own powers of orgasm. 

AA1987

Sometimes you have to just tell them exactly what you want! Spice things up!! Sometimes its just chemistry, I have had partners in the past who could get me to climax easily, others not so much. Keep working at it, Practice makes perfect

dav1dkat

then there is the TAKE IT approach. youd be amazed how much you can turn a man on my showing him whos boss. course it can back fire and he will expect it every time. but since your doing it your self any way do it your self using him! send the kids to gramas. and get a lil rough its just 1 night.  ok talking can work but whats a lil roll play right?