Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
New Here, Feeling Invisible
I hate to sit here and whine, but I don't know where else to go. My DH and I have been married almost 7 years, together 10 years. We get along well and have a 2 year old boy we both adore.
DH works hard and he's a great dad, BUT as soon as our DS falls asleep during the day or night, I feel completely invisible. DH buries himself in a book or laptop or he falls right to sleep, and if I want to sit and chat about anything, he makes me feel like I'm burdening him. If he ever wants to tell me stories or chat, I drop what I'm doing to listen. But it's completely different with him. We spend a lot of time in separate rooms until our little boy is awake again. We live more like roommates than husband and wife. Any time I bring this up, he just tells me to "not start a fight" or he "doesn't need this right now". Then we're back to not speaking to each other.
It's driving me a little crazy. And as a side note, we live far from our family and close friends so I can't just call them up to hang out. I feel pretty alone. And if I complain to my family, they just tell me "move back home!" It's frustrating.
Re: New Here, Feeling Invisible
Do you and he actually do anthing together as a couple?
What about couples activities you can do together -- volunteer, sign up for dance lessons, join a club, take some classes at the local adult school, to name a few?
How much time do you and he spend with the kiddo?
Communication is key.
I strongly suggest you sit him down when you both have time and tell him what you told us. It's essential that he spend time with you; you didn't get married just to push out a kiddo or 2 and then to be the chief cook and bottle washer.
Can you schedule a date night at a restaurant, or some other activity that you can both do together?
If he continues to refuse to talk, I'd suggest counseling. The stonewalling he is doing is actually pretty disrespectful.
This.
Talk to him! Either that or write him a letter/email (it sounds like he acts like a jerk if you try to talk to him in the evenings) detailing exactly what you typed here. If he read what you wrote here, I am sure he would try to fix it.
Good luck.