May 2012 Weddings
carlowgirl10
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how do i...
STOP MY HUBBY FROM SPENDING MONEY!! He works nights..so i dont see him very often..and alot of the time he goes out to lunch (at 2am lol) with his buddies..or he will get a coffee...i didnt care.... until i just added it up for the month of june.. totaling.. $185.10!! WTF!!!
soo.. ive been telling him to stop going for the last week and instead he goes fishing/ or to the bar...$50 for that...
we CANNOT save money if he keeps spending!! I have talked to him..but i think i need to show him what he is spending.. thats roughly $200 we couldve put into savings TO MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE!!!
oo and the money i spend this month? none...we went to dinner twice this month..so even if i put that on my spending..its $83.46...:-/
Re: how do i...
My H is also somewhat careless when it comes to $ and when it comes time to pay the bills, he's wondering what happened to all of his $....and I could off the top of my head list all the crap he buys and doesn't need! So I totally understand your situation! H was really bad at this when we first started dating, but we've had lots of talks about...."if we don't save now, we'll never be able to buy a home...have kids...have the things we want etc" and he's sort of seeing the light now. I still think its ok for H (or me) to buy something once in a while, even if its a pair of shoes/fishing rod (for example) but it can't be all the time.
If you're living with your parents, could they enforce some type of "rent" but with the $ you both give to them, they would deposit it into a savings account that would be for you and your H for when you're ready to buy a house? That way your H would have be sort of forced to save $ so that you can stay at your parents house...
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
i like the "rent" idea PP had, you could try that.
or, DH and i ended up doing a joint account and our own individual accounts for our own personal spending money. you could do that, then agree on a monthly "allowance" for your individual account and you can use it for whatever, hobbies, bars, lunches with coworkers and then when the money is gone, it's gone. that might help cap his spending.
definitely try to keep the communication there though!
good luck!
My BFP Chart Danger Love Blog
As the "spender" in my marriage, I can try to give you advice from the other side of things.
Do you already have and share a budget? It may help him to see it all in black and white. When you're budgeting, show him how much you will save in a year's time if you don't do x or cut out y.
Encourage him to use cash for these little expenses. H & I decided on my "allowance" so to speak and I take that amount in cash at the beginning of the week. If I ain't got it, I shouldn't spend it.
... and ditto to everything the PPs said. Good luck and keep communicating. I'm sure you will find something that works for both of you.
oh yeah! cash would be way easier than a separate checking account!
My BFP Chart Danger Love Blog
I think these are great ideas! DH goes out to lunch every day and it bugs me sometimes...but I know that it is something he really cares about and did before me so I really can't comment on it. I think maybe the best way to deal with it is have an "allowance" or use the 3 pot of money method. I know its super frustrating and you wish you could have saved all of the money he spent....but at least if he only gets a set amount he won't be able to spend as much!
GL!!
PPs have good suggestions. Financial problems are one of the most common problems leading to divorce, so good for you for tackling this one early!
Before I would sit down for a discussion of finances with your H, I would probably bring a few things to the table. One, a spreadsheet of all your finances. H and I have one I made in excel. It takes our income (after taxes) each month, and then subtracts any financial obligation we have to pay - health insurance, student loans, cell phone bills, you name it. From there, you can see how much money you actually have to spend or save. I also think it is great idea to present him with the itemized list of all the things he blew his money on - add it up for an entire month, and then extrapolate that to an entire year.
I assume at this point the major thing you guys are saving for is a house. What I might also do is look at houses in your area and come up with a number for what it would realistically take for you guys to get out of your parent's house (down payment, closing costs, moving costs, etc.). I'd then put it in real life terms for him - say, "looking at these numbers, the way were are saving now, it'll take us 7 years to save enough money to buy a new house" or "we will never have enough money to move out, etc." Studies show that people stick to new habits better (whether they are trying to lose weight, save money, etc.) when they are working towards a tangible goal - I think your H is more likely to think twice about spending his money if he can envision your guys' future home than some abstract idea of having extra numbers on your guys' bank statements.
Once you have all that, I would sit down with him and come up with a number each month to put away in savings. As with spending, you should also save in moderation - if you guys can't EVER do anything fun with your money, you are going to be just as unhappy. I think an allowance is a great thing to give him (with you guys agreeing upon the amount). Can he get direct deposit at work? I find that helps all my money make its way to the bank =]
That being said, I would also remember that he is not going to change overnight, even if he wants to or seems more excited about saving. I would taper his allowance down - if he is used to spending $200 every month, if you give him a $50 allowance every month he probably isn't going to adjust well. If $50 is your guy's eventual goal a month, maybe have $100 the first month and then $50 so it's a little easier of an adjustment for him. They also say that it takes 6 months of consistently doing something for it to become a habit, so it will take some time for him to really change his habits.
I guess whenever I'm trying to convince someone to change their habits, I set goals for them they can manage. For example, if someone never, ever flosses, they aren't going to start doing it twice a day. Just isn't going to happen. I tell them that as a start, I'll be happy if they can do it 3 times a week. What often happens is once they get 3 times a week as a habit, they notice the benefit - and it takes a lot less work to get them to do it every day, and some of them will start doing it more often all by themselves. Same thing with saving - if you can get him convinced to at least try a little bit, and then show him the results 3, 4, 6 months from now - he'll probably need a lot less convincing to start saving even more.
Good luck with everything, hope it works out!
PP gave you good advice. But honestly, you're doing it wrong. He's not 5, he's grown man. Telling him to stop spending money isn't going to get you anywhere. Sit down and calmly discuss it. Bring pay stubs, bills, and a calculator and look at what you have left after all of the bills are paid. Encourage him to try to pay for his lunches in cash and to not carry his debit card to work. It's pretty crappy to tell him to stop spending money totally, he earned it too.
Do you have separate accounts in addition to your joint? We do this. Neither one of us asks questions about what the other spends "their" money on, as long as we're saving the appropriate amount in our joint account and all of the bills are paid. It works well for us.
I think this is brilliant!!