Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Having a hard time :(
Well I left my husband (who has been cheating on me.) I am 7 months pregnant and so scared. I can't have him in my life, but don't want to hurt my daughter. He didn't care enough about us to stop cheating or being selfish. I'm just scared of moving on. I'm scared of being alone. I'm living with my parents right now and having a hard time adjusting to that. I've been on my own for 7 years and now I'm back home. I guess I'm just looking for some advice on starting over. Even though I'm not even thinking about dating, I'm just worried I'll never find anyone that I can trust. I'm heartbroken and afraid. Thanks for listening.
Re: Having a hard time :(
Hugs.
As tough as it was/is, moving on is probably saving you and your little one from a lot of heart break down the road. You have already made a tough choice on your daughter's behalf. That's a really strong thing to do. You are ALREADY showing Mama Bear strength and courage and your daughter will be so blessed to call you "Mommy."
For starting over, try to build a plan for how you will live when your baby comes. Then, go from there. That life change is your first priority.
Are you working? If so, begin to transition your work and projects to someone to help you while you're on maternity leave. If not, you can begin now to get your resume and cover letters in order so you can begin applying for work once your baby arrives.
As for dating...that needs to be the lowest priority. Frist your heart needs to heal, second, your daughter needs you, third you need to focus on supporting yourself and her.
Another thing you can do is to seek out a church or community group for support.
Sorry for your troubles.
Rest assured you did the right thing for yourself and the little kiddo to be.
A counselor for you would be a great idea. YOu need a professional to talk to about this -- to get it off your chest and to show you how to NOT to get embroiled in a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship in the future.
Surviving infidelity dot com is also supposed to be a good outlet for those whose spouses cheated.
We also have a Starting Over board.
Wishing you the best. Take care.
I hate writing this, but...
Also, I just read your post on another board. Since he has been unfaithful with multiple people, it would be good for you to get tested for STDs and HIV. If you have something, you need to get treated.
Also, some of these diseases can be transmitted to babies during birth. Your medical team would need to know this to give your daughter proper care.
UGH...this brought back some horrible memories for me. My heart breaks for you honey!! I went through this exact same thing!!! My ex-husband cheated and we had a 1 year old son at the time. It ended up being a nasty divorce and I had to move in with my parents too (he got the house). I was a stay-at-home mom and had to completely start all over...I was so scared and worried that I will not be able to survive, to go on with life. I saw my pastor a couple times to discuss my feelings and it really helped a lot. I couldn't afford a counselor since I was a stay-at-home mom plus my ex took all our money right at the beginning of the divorce (got it back but at that time, I had NO money b/c he stole it all) so I turned to my pastor for counseling. Maybe this would work for you too. Don't hold back your emotions...let out a good cry when you need to. I rememeber just bawling my eyes out on several occassions but it did feel good to release that.
Like the other posters said, you made the right decision to get out and remove your unborn child from it. As much as it hurts to know that your daughter may grow up without 2 parents who are together, you will be MUCH better off in the end...TRUST ME! I am a million times more happy now and actually found my prince charming. Just when I thought I would never find anyone and that I would be alone forever, my fiance came into my life and became a "father" to my son right away. It was a blessing and I'm so thankful that I found him. I couldn't be more happy!!!
Hang in there, I know it is tough!!!! Be rest assured that you made the right decision and it WILL get better. The shock and hurt you are feeling right now will go away in time. Surround yourself with friends/family for that support and you WILL get through this.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk...I know exactly what you are going through! ((((hugs))))
Ditto this.
It is also possible that he may have had a sex addiction. Anyway, get tested for your peace of mind and for your safety as well as the child's.
I am very sorry that this has happened to you, especially during a time in your life that should be filled with joy. Although it can not relate, I had a similar situation some years ago when I went through a terrible breakup and wound up on my parents' couch, so I can understand how terrifying this is. I am very proud that you made the right--and very brave--decision to leave him because that is what is going to be best for your little girl. I would suggest seeking some counseling and definitely get tested for diseases. I can understand feeling you will never find someone else. I had my heart broken badly and always told myself that it was worth never falling in love again to never feel like that again. However, I am getting married this weekend to a man who treats me like a queen. I know it hurts right now, but you and your daughter will find someone to love you the way you deserve.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.