Married Life
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Agree to Disagree
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 months, but together as a couple for over 7 years. We barely fought before the wedding... but now it just seems like we aren't compatible anymore... We don't want to do anything the other one wants to, disagree on everything, constantly pick fights with one another, or blow silly things out of proportion. I am at my wits end and we have talked about temporary separation to see if that might help. Is this just a newly wed phase or what is going on? I'm at a total loss.
Re: Agree to Disagree
DH and I bickered a ton...on our honeymoon. Yeah. Something happens to many newly-married people once the knot is tied.
If nothing major has occurred in your marriage (infidelity, hidden debt, etc.) then you really both need to hang in there.
Why don't you try and agree with him more often? Don't be the one to say "no."
Once a couple enters this cycle, it is vicious to get out of and the only way to end it is for one of the people to stop contributing to the messiness and anger.
You might not want to be the person who goes along with things DH suggests, but for the sake of your marriage, your sanity and your future, why not do it and see what happens? The next step after this is to not hold your choices of agreement over your DH's head.
Also, just realize that the minute you to got married, you both signed over some of your independence. You are a team now and it isn't all about #1. You may think you know this (I sure did/do), but knowing it and truly putting it into action are very different.
These are times of testing. See them as practice for the major problems life will throw at you down the road.
As a partical matter, why not come up with a list of 5 ideas that you would like to do and show it to DH for him to pick off of and have him do the same for you. Each week you can alternate activities.
I don't think it's a "newlywed phase", just maybe that the two of you happen to have difficulties adjusting to the new lifestyle, if any practical changes occurred.
MH and I have been together for almost 16 years, married for just over one and didn't go through anything other than newlywed bliss after the wedding.
I don't think separating would do you any good. I would suggest couple counseling instead. Ditto PP... you can make a conscious decision to refrain from arguing and an effort to guide any arguments to a happy place for the time being. It could be that neither of you is willing to compromise and let go a little, so try to be the one to do it and see what happens.
All of this (except I haven't known my H for 16 years/been married for one year.
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Make a conscious effort to not start a fight or respond in anger to something your H might say.
It could be a phase if you both actively work on it with counseling.
I have seen a lot of my friends who LTBM for longer periods of time go through this. It's almost as if making it "official" triggers a fight or flight response where the little stuff you let slide before suddenly becomes a deal breaker because it's forever now. Most of my friends who married more impulsively don't have this.
Thank you for the input ladies... DH and I have been talking a lot. We think it is just an adjustment period/freak out on both our parts because now that things are "official," the little annoyances we used to ignore suddenly seem more important even though they shouldn't be. I never expected marraige to change our mindsets on how things should be, but it defintiely did. We need to get back to where we were before.
My H and I went through this during our engagement after four years of fairly blissful dating. Things were official, and all of a sudden we were bickering and picking at each other a tonne. It passed after the wedding. I think a lot of people go through phases like this in their relationships. Try to not let it bother you too much, take a deep breath before you say anything negative, and go out and do something fun together more often.