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Not ready to go back to work!
So I'm due to report back to work (eh, get it? "report"?) for the Nov. 20 issue... and I'm not ready!
I shouldn't even complain --my editor and publisher both have said that I can work from home (so long as HR doesn't know I'm working from home, and really I did a ton of work at home before I went on mat leave) and I just have to be in the office Wednesday mornings and still cover Tuesday night city council meetings. That's not too much time to be away from Blair, and DH will be able to take care of her when I cannot... but still!
I just don't think I'll be able to do it all! I don't know how I'm going to find time to write, or interview people, or any of that, while I'm home with Blair. She takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, and doesn't go to be until 11 most nights. I guess I could write at dawn like I used to do, but I'm so burnt out as it is that waking up before sunrise will probably yield crappy articles, crabby mommy, and in turn, crabby baby. I can't even keep up with the housework, I don't know how I'm going to try to work from home!
The only reason I'm giving it a fair shot is that if I CAN do it, I can satisfy the selfish part of me who enjoys seeing my byline every week, and if we save each of my paychecks until she gets to kindergarten, we'll have socked away enough to pay for the first 5 years of private school (if we ultimately choose to go that route) I don't want to deny her the opportunity to go to an amazing school just b/c I'm a lousy multitasker, but then I don't want to deny her a fun and nurturing mom at home when I'm trying to work around her naps, either.
sigh.
I'm just so scared I'm going to crash and burn, spectacularly, when I can't get through those first five articles.
thanks for letting me vent.
Re: Not ready to go back to work!
Oh Sweetie! Hold on! Take a deep breath...exhale. Ok, let's talk.
It's not an easy decision to make, so please don't think it can be done just like that. Let me also try to keep this short, by telling you about my experience. You can take from it what ever it is that you want...
I went back to work. Full time. I had to at least TRY, but honestly I thought I could do it all. No bueno, it made me crazy. I then tried easing off and taking a slower pace. Could have worked for me, but my job didn't go along with this plan. Turned out that my employer said they were flexible, but really weren't...so I changed jobs. THAT WAS THE HARDEST but best decision I made. Same line of work, just different place. New job, new lessons...changed again. I am at newest place for the last 6 months and have had a better time at reflecting on things: me, me as a working mom, family, work balance, etc.
Remember that you can and will make ends meet and will land on your feet. It's not like you're going to surrender when it gets tough...you're too good for that. Work hard, as hard as you humanly can. That's all that can be asked of you. And if they ask for more...tell them to kiss your a$$. LOL! J/K. You can move on...forward...
Good luck! Big hugs!!!!
thanks Mia, you may be our official voice of reason!
I know there is no way to calculate in advance just what changes and adjustments are necessary when the baby arrives, and as such there is no contingency plan...You're right, I just need to try and do the best I can and go from there.
I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work. I thought there was absolutely no way on this green earth it would ever be possible for me to find a balance, and you know what? I have. No it wasn't easy for me to go back to work, but it has all worked out well.
Every now and then I'm able to work from home and I'm usually more productive on those days than I am in the office. I think it's because I know I only have a spefic amount of time to get certain things done(like while she is napping or playing by herself).
It will work out and it will take some trial and error, but anything is possible.