Tiny vent, mish-mashed feelings

DoIreallyWantToChangeMyName

So we moved to MD for H's job with the idea that we were moving back to MI in 2-4 years. We bought a house here, but we still have a condo in MI, and figured we'd sell to leave when the timing is right. We're at 3.5 years for him here, 2 for me and I randomly find the perfect job opportunity to utilize my skills from pre & post-baby careers in MI. I had a phone interview, then got invited to an in-person interview. During this exact same week, H takes a call from a recruiter and has coffee with an acquaintance. He ends up getting 2 amazing offers in MD. Of course, I feel like pursuing my opportunity at this point is useless. Just emailed them to withdraw my app. So, now here I am. We're back to not even trying to move back to MI. He gets to have two companies fighting for him, and I'm still career-stalled. Feelings: tiny bit jealous, unfulfilled at work, homesick for MI, grateful for work flexibility and being able to stay with E part-time, proud of H

mrs. remy

wow. yeah, that is tough. I don't blame you at all for feeling conflicted.

SarahKate31

How is your H feeling about moving back to MI at some point? Is he content to stay in MD now that he has all these opportunities here?

jcsntms06

That has to be really hard. Huge hugs!

LoveLossHopeRepeat

SarahKate31:

How is your H feeling about moving back to MI at some point? Is he content to stay in MD now that he has all these opportunities here?

This is what I was wondering - have his long-term goals changed, at least in terms of location? Have you been able to sit and discuss the implications these (admittedly wonderful) opportunities will have on your family? While they sound like great job offers, if they conflict with your end-goal of going back to MI, maybe they aren't what's best for your family.

It sounds tough no matter what, though, and I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling the way that you are. I think it's completely understandable and just hope that you and your husband are able to discuss it all openly and honestly so that he at least knows how you're feeling and can be there for you. 

misscastle

I totally understand this for a variety of reasons. I moved away from Arizona for college, but have always wanted to move back. I've been in Maryland for five years now. At the beginning of this year, we made it a goal that we were going to move to Arizona next summer.

My husband might now have an opportunity with a company in Baltimore, and if that happens (which would be good for us overall), that's it -- I dont' think we'll ever move back to Arizona.

I feel like in a relationship, you have to make one person's career a priority. The past five years, it's been mine. Now that I've reached a certain level of potential and the earning power won't really go up, I think that focus will have to shift to my husband's career. It's good and bad. 

DoIreallyWantToChangeMyName

H is not from MI, but lived there 5 years when we met. He liked it there, but is now to the point where he doesn't really want to go back. He feels there are way more opportunities for him/us here. (He was laid off in MI, hence the move.)  For him it is true, but for me, not so much. I have been open and he said if I thought pursuing that opportunity was best for our family, that he would be supportive, but then lists the 20+ reasons he thinks MD is better. I never imagined having my kids without family nearby, it is not the way I grew up, but it was for him. 

ShandaB

Wow, that is really tough.  I assume you've talked to him about how you're feeling now and how important it is to you that you raise your kids around family.  Do you think you could be happy staying in MD long term?  If not, you may want to have a long discussion with him and come to some sort of compromise because your happiness is important too.

JennigoesUSA

Is the job he was offered better paying than the one you were offered? If yours was the better paying job, would it be at all an option for him to allow you to be the main bread maker?

If his was the better job then I do see his point. The MD/DC area does definitely have a good job market. 

I understand fully how you feel about raising your kids without family around. My dh's family is in Oregon, mine is in Germany. But in the big picture our quality of life is better here. 

 

It is a hard decision and it sounds like there is no way to make both of you 100% happy but maybe try to shift your focus and think of the positive aspects. I know from myself that as long as I hold onto something that I really wanted but can not have, I can not open up to any other ideas. But once I let go I realize it really is not that bad. 

 

Good Luck!