Help...Baby will make 5, not to sure about this.

mrsfriddle

I am recently married....June 23rd to be exact. This is both our second marriages and we both have 2 kids with our previous spouses. My hubby is wanting to have one of our own in order to bring our blended family closer.  I am 34 and have a 13 yr old and a 9 year old.  I have loved my hubby for the past 10 years although we have only been together for a little over a year and a half.  I have spent many a nights dreaming of have a baby-family with him and now that I have the chance, I am not sure I have room in my life for another baby. A 13,9,4,and 2 year old is alot of work.  His thought is......we already have 4 kids whats one more. What are your thoughts??? Anyone else have this issue?

Sanderso39

I didnt personally have this issue but my MIL did.  My husband is 23 and his brother is 20 and she got remarried and they now have a 12 year old daughter.  Her husband always wanted more with her but she felt like she had done the baby thing three times, she was older, and she wanted to start just living life for herself.  I dont think its selfish, you are where you are in life and that is fine.  Adding another child to 4 is going to be a lot of hard work and financial strain (not sure if that is an issue here).  I personally believe if I had a 13 year old I would not be thinking about a baby but everyone is different.

tommas11

I grew up in a house with 5 children and it was not an easy thing for us to do. It was a big financial burden (I went to private school, my siblings all played travel sports that ended up costing thousands of dollars a year) and you have to really be able to te time to put into raising another tiny human when you have four other ones to worry about. We did, however, have a lot of fun together. Now, even though I'm married, I still go do things with my siblings. I couldn't imagine life without any of them. 

The plus side is you don't have to worry about chasing after small children plus a newborn. My Mom had 5 children by the time she was 30. It was not an easy task. 

 That being said, talk to your husband. You have to do what's right for you and him. If you're feeling apprehensive about another child, explain your fears to him. He might be worried about the same thing. 

 The other thing I suggest is talking to your current children. See what they think about you guys bringing a new child into the equation. Creating resentment and jealousy in a home that hasn't yet been blended is really hard. 

 

sessionswedding

I would be skeptical about having a baby for the purpose of blending the two families together.  I'm not sure how I'd feel growing up knowing I was the "glue baby" and the only reason I was born was to make everyone feel more obligated to like each other.  I know it's not really that harsh / black-and-white, but a child or teenager might see it that way.

Talk more to your DH about your concerns with having another baby.

RevJen

Maybe you should just settle into being a family with what you have now.  There's no need for you to rush into a baby now.  

quirky75

sessionswedding:

I would be skeptical about having a baby for the purpose of blending the two families together.  I'm not sure how I'd feel growing up knowing I was the "glue baby" and the only reason I was born was to make everyone feel more obligated to like each other.  I know it's not really that harsh / black-and-white, but a child or teenager might see it that way.

Talk more to your DH about your concerns with having another baby.

 My H was a "glue baby" (that term makes me laugh a little).  His mom had 4 kids with her first husband. They got divorced and when she remarried they had one kid together, H. Overall it's fine, but I know H feels awkward when the "other dad" is around or when they talk about him since he's the odd one out.

jadeorchid21

My thoughts? You just got married. . . you two need to settle into life with your kids before thinking about adding another edition to the bunch. You and hubby talk about it and check out the finances to see if this is doable.

   Yeah, it is baby number five but there is so much to think about. Good luck to you and hope you make the right choice. 

Savanna111911

Don't stress about this yet.  You just got married, and a lot of things are changing.  Once you get a little more settled into your new life, talk about it again.  I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, you just have to choose what is right for you and your family.

toothpastechica

sessionswedding:

I would be skeptical about having a baby for the purpose of blending the two families together.  I'm not sure how I'd feel growing up knowing I was the "glue baby" and the only reason I was born was to make everyone feel more obligated to like each other.  I know it's not really that harsh / black-and-white, but a child or teenager might see it that way.

Talk more to your DH about your concerns with having another baby.

This. I can see it bringing a lot of resentment to the children from previous relationships. It might bring you and your H closer, but at the same time it could push your own children and his other children further away from both of you. Thats a big risk to take without considering the emotional needs of children who are also having to 'blend' and get used to a new parent and new siblings at this time.

I was never in this situation, but my brother and I were adopted and then my parents had a 'miracle baby' when my mom was 40. Even though I know its not true, as a pre-teen and teenager I felt a LOT of resentment towards her because not only was she the baby of the family and alot more like my parents temperment wise, but I felt like I wasn't as part of the family now that they had one of thier own. I know your situation is different, but I can imagine some of the same feelings would surface for the older children already involved.