My husband hates my family (long post sorry)

Doxiegrl126

So, my husband and I have been together for 12 years married for 2.  We are both from pretty dysfunctional families.  He has cut many ties with his family and when he is around them he doesn't insist that I come along (although I always offer so he feels supported), in fact it seems like he wouldn't care either way.  I however have a very small family only my mom, sister and nephews.  My dad is no longer welcome at my home for his continuous outright disrespect towards both my dh and I.  It was a decision that we came to together.  He now informed me that he no longer wants to have anything to do with my mom or sister. They can be downers and sarcastic but never towards him.  He just does not like being in their presence.  He insists that I can still maintain my relationship with them he just wants no involvement whatsoever. No family dinners, no bbq's no baseball games, no holidays.  I am so frustrated that he is insisting that he won't even stay in the house if they stop by.  I am now in the position where I feel that i have to choose even though he says he's not asking me to. I don't understand why he can't just suck it up.  I'm afraid that this will lead to a divorce. I can't imagine having kids in a situation like this.  Has anyone else faced an issue like this?

Disneygeek77

Have you told him about your divorce worries ?  Are you positive that they have never been rude or disrespectful to him ? 

SemperFiPurpleHeart

Yes and it put a huge damper on our relationship which ended up in a divorce! You need to put your foot down and talk to him. This is not fair to you or your family!

Doxiegrl126

@ stw_77 He is very stubborn and it seems like he wants to keep us in some sort of bubble.  My family's not the best but aside from him they are all that I have.  Both my mom and sister have had dealings with him in the past but it is mainly over him not liking how I get minipulated by them.  For instance I will always run to thier rescue but in his opinion they won't do the same for me.  To me it doesn't matter but to him it's a big deal.  Both my mom and sister treat and talk to him like he is family (he lived with my mother for two years under her roof as well), and as we all know often times boundries are not as obvious with family members. 

Doxiegrl126

SemperFiPurpleHeart:

Yes and it put a huge damper on our relationship which ended up in a divorce! You need to put your foot down and talk to him. This is not fair to you or your family!

This is what I keep telling him SemperFiPurpleHeart, he does't seem to understand because he's "not asking me to choose" but I keep telling him that he is.  I am being forced to choose between the life that I want and the alternative that he is offering.

Doxiegrl126

And thank you ladies for your responses.  It is nice to get others opinions and insight!

Disneygeek77

What do you mean by run to their rescue ?  Do you give them money ?

Have they ever called him names or been rude to him ?

MeganJune11

I am going through something similar right now. Don't let him keep you in this bubble of just the two of you because then it just ends up in resentment. If you run to their rescue and he thinks they don't do that for you than that's between you and your family. 

I would suggest doing what I'm doing. I discussed with my family that there are certain holidays we will not be coming to, or we get these weeks off per month. Basically limit the amount of time you spend with them. It sounds like to me he's making you choose. If he's your husband it's You AND Him. Not you and your family and then you and him. He needs to suck it up a little bit. He may not have to go to everything you go to, but you need to explain to him that it's important you have some family in your lives.

I don't know how sensitive your family maybe if you try to limit your time with them, (mine can guilt, guilt guilt) but you just have to be a united front. I would also privately talk to your mom and sister, they may not realize they are doing it.

 

I wish you the best of Luck.

 

Megan 

green6

Don't let him isolate you from everyone, which sounds like exactly what he is doing.  If something happens between you two and you no longer have ANYONE to turn to, then what?  I've had an ex do that to me before.  Thankfully my husband likes my family.  I can't stand his mom and dad but I put up with them because I love my husband.  MIL is a drug addict who disappears for months and FIL is a typical Texan rancher who has his head up his butt most of the time (against gay marriage because it 'violates the sanctity of marriage' but has been married EIGHT times..his way or the highway).  I just limit my time around them but if I have to be around them I just keep my mouth shut and count down the minutes until I can get away.  I didn't marry his family, I married him, and that love is supposed to be unconditional.