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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is he only telling me what I want to hear...??
So here's my situation in a nut shell: I am 24 and my bf is 35. We have been together for about 2 years, and have always been family friends since I can remember. Everything was perfect in the beginning, but 6 mos in we had our first "marriage/kids" talk and everything changed. We both agreed on marriage, but kids was a different story. Without even thinking about it, his response was "I love you but I don't know if I want any kids, what do we do?" My immediate thought was to leave. Why would I stay with someone who did not want the same future as myself? After a few hours being seperated, he called me over to tell me he had changed his mind and that he could see a future with kids. A year has gone by and to this day my bf has a very hard time discussing marriage and kids. He has mentioned putting a ring on my finger to his family but when I ask him about it, he states we cannot make any future plans due to finacials. (he just bought a house and changed jobs). At times he has also made references to his age and how he doesn't like the idea of being an older dad, and how he would go back to his routine of being single and living alone if we were to split up. I am beginning to wonder if he was just telling me what I want to hear to keep me around. Am I being fooled?
Re: Is he only telling me what I want to hear...??
To be polite:
This man is not the man for you.
Do yourself a favor...and in THIS order:
1-Trust your gut. It never fails -- what is your gut telling you to do...
2-Move on. End the relationship with this guy and find a gentleman who is rarin to go (after sufficient time, of course, for your marriage to have legs, that is...:) ) to have a family with you.:)
The chap is 35 years of age.
He's hardly a kid himself -- guys that age already know what they want and do not want --- sheesh, a year is long enough for him to decide whether or not marriage is in the cards for him and his girlfriend.
This is also passive aggressive nonsense. First he tells you Sorry no kids but then he has another story to tell a short time later. Amazing change of heart, don't you think?
Move on, like I said. He's also playing a game with you --- or he has simply changed his mind about getting married and he hasn't got the spine, the maturity or the balls to tell you.
Trust your gut.
I think couples should be on the same page when it comes to children, finances, marriage and have the majority of the same values (even if you need to work on some of these things a bit in counseling).
Sounds like he just is not that into you. He wouldn't be like this with the right women.
Because he loves her he's lying to her about kids???
That ain't love, honey -- that's vast dishonesty and fraud.
Marriage need not lead to kids. There are many couples who are childless by choice and do not have kids.
At times he has also made references to his age and how he doesn't like the idea of being an older dad, and how he would go back to his routine of being single and living alone if we were to split up.
Men who want to get married and have children don't say these kinds of things, right? Don't they typically get married and have children?
Listen, you had the big talk, discovered he doesn't want children. And from what I've read from your post, you do want children. Would you have a happy marriage with this guy and not have any children? If not, this is a quintessential deal breaker.
He claimed he might be willing to have a child with you, so you gave him another chance. Does it really make a difference why he said that? I'm assuming it's obvious he said it because he wanted you to stay with him. Maybe he truly believed he could father a child if it meant you staying with him. Maybe he hoped your desire to have a child wasn't that strong. Maye he's hoping the issue will "go away" if he waits long enough.
The problem is, no matter what he said, you are no closer to getting married and having a child now then you were a year ago. If having a child is something you want, let this guy go. This guy who has told you he doesn't want to be an "older" dad.