anybody else dealing with ED in a relationship?

lucky1982

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, I love him and we talk about marriage.  Since the beginning of our relationship we have been dealing with ED.  He has gone to a doctor who says there isn't anything wrong with him physically.  So, we decided we would work on it together and for a while things seem to get better and we have had several successful attempts, sounds weird to talk about sex that way.  But it happened again last night and things were going great and very passionate.  I thought we had over come this.  I can't help but think that there might be an issue with me.  He hasn't really had this problem before, once with an ex but that's it.  We do several positions and foreplay.  I am just trying not to let it put up a barrier between us and I am trying to understand.  I am also dealing with feelings of inadequacy on my part as a lover.  Anybody else dealt with this issue in a relationship? Advice?

TarponMonoxide

He needs another opinion, stat.

I strongly suggest a urologist, an internist and perhaps a cardiologist.

What's needed to rule out:

Cardiac issues, diabetes, thyroid conditions (hypo, hyper, Graves Disease, Hasimoto's Syndrome or some other thyroid related matter), hormone deficiency or a drug interaction or side effect of a med he is taking (if he's taking meds)

A man's penis is the dipstick to his overall health, just as a period is a woman's "red flag." When something ED happens, just like a woman's periods all of a sudden not being what is normal for her, it warrants a doctor's intervention.

If there is nothing physical, you guys need to see a sex therapist: this is fixable, no matter what the issue is.

Life is too short to not have a wonderful and "uneventful" sex life.:) He's got to get to another doc and have the doc rule out the issues that I mentioned. And if he gets the all clear, it's a psychological one. Maybe ihe is very sexually inexperienced and he's got some kind of a psychological issue when it comes to sex. As I said, this is fixable. GL.

F15Wife

This happened to a us a few years ago. My husband was getting ready to deploy to afghanistan and he was very nervous about it. This affected him mentally and physcially in the form of ED. It was heartbreaking to me because obviously I was thinking all of the things I'm sure you are. Is it me? Is he cheating? Am I not desireable anymore? I felt selfish thinking all of this knowing what was impending for him. This lasted until even after he got home. It became a performance issue then. He would subconsiously freak himself out every time thinking it's gonna happen again.................and it would.

He went and had all things checked out. The doctor gave him viagra to make sure he was actually capable of getting an erection. It worked!!! The doc advised him to take this in hopes that his fear issue would go away. Once he realized that he could work and perform he was able to wean himself and gain his confidence back.

This is what worked for us and I hope you find something that works for you. I know how devastating it can feel.

Squishyfer

I'm currently going through the same thing. My DH has, like, hardly any sex drive and is having problems with ED. It's great that he went to the doctor (it took a while to get mine to schedule an appointment :-/) but I might also recommend trying to see a counsellor. He might also want to get a second opinion from a doctor. Another thing to keep in mind is diet and exercise. Does he smoke or drink a lot? These things also can have an effect. 

smileye90

There's not much I can say without revealing too much of my own privacy, but I will say that even a man without a medical cause for the issue can benefit from medication.  Have him go to another doc.

married2thebest

I agree with the medication option. Viagra can be used to help insure an erection will happen and once he starts feeling more confident he can use it less often. I knew a man who did this for a while and then he didn't need it any more.

lucky1982

Thank you for all the responses.  His dr. did a physical and he is a very active, fit young man.  He is 26, doesn't smoke either.  The dr. said it was a mental thing.  It started happening after he came back from Afghanistan.  Here recently we have had several successful attempts and I know it will get better.  I just don't want to overreact when it happens because of how it makes me feel and cause the issue to prolong.  But reading your responses that this does happen to other couples and how similar this situations are it helps me to feel more confident about myself.  Thank you :-)

firedancer22

TarponMonoxide:

He needs another opinion, stat.

I strongly suggest a urologist, an internist and perhaps a cardiologist.

What's needed to rule out:

Cardiac issues, diabetes, thyroid conditions (hypo, hyper, Graves Disease, Hasimoto's Syndrome or some other thyroid related matter), hormone deficiency or a drug interaction or side effect of a med he is taking (if he's taking meds)

A man's penis is the dipstick to his overall health, just as a period is a woman's "red flag." When something ED happens, just like a woman's periods all of a sudden not being what is normal for her, it warrants a doctor's intervention.

If there is nothing physical, you guys need to see a sex therapist: this is fixable, no matter what the issue is.

Life is too short to not have a wonderful and "uneventful" sex life.:) He's got to get to another doc and have the doc rule out the issues that I mentioned. And if he gets the all clear, it's a psychological one. Maybe ihe is very sexually inexperienced and he's got some kind of a psychological issue when it comes to sex. As I said, this is fixable. GL.

jesus, tarpon, you say this every. freaking. time.  

it's important to remember that the penis is also a dipstick into a man's MENTAL health. my husband suffered from ED for years, and there is nothing physically wrong with him.  he still has occasional bouts, usually flaring up when there is tension building up in his life that he's not dealing with.

don't get scared.  and don't give up.