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BNOTB ... but not really
I guess if a baby really REALLY wasn't on my brain, I wouldnt even be looking at this board. Just wanted to get some things off my chest.
I think about babies constantly. Even though I know I dont want one right now, but it doesnt help that it seems everyone I know is posting adorable bumps or cabage patch kids on facebook. Sometimes I think if it werent for my rational husband keeping me sane in the light we just aren't in quite the ideal job/financial/living situation to have a baby, I would be pregnant by now. I've stopped taking b/c, not really sure why, though have been using other methods.
I feel like I'm battling with myself here because secretly I hope I get pregnant accidentally, been when I stop to think about it, I know in my right mind that now would not be a good time.
Am I insane? What is happening here.
Re: BNOTB ... but not really
I can relate...I am on BC and we can't afford kids for a while, and I did and do want to enjoy being married as just us so we have a rock solid relationship by the time kids come into the picture...and theres lots I still want to do before kids.
BUT part of me secretly hopes that the BC fails, or something....cuz then I could have kids soon without it being "my fault". Its strange this knowing you want kids, but dont want them and can't afford them yet thing.
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Andplusalso, there are so many things I'd still like to do with H!
I couldn't have said it better. I am a never never - I know that I don't want kids and I won't have any. I already have 2 step daughters and that is enough for me. And since we aren't having or had kids, it is best for me & DH because we may be splitting up. And that's a good thing that we don't have a child together.
June 2012 Bride!
Oh no! *hugs* T&P for you.
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I agree with all of this.
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I feel that if you have sisters/brothers who have kids or close friends, hang out with them, or ask to babysit!
I do that and I find my "baby meter" has been topped up and I am happy to leave with my fill and no responsibility.
My bf and I have a fur-baby. That is fine for now.
Omg, I'm glad I'm not the only one. My husband is the rational one too, and preferably wants to wait until he is completely done with school to have children, which would be about 3-4 years from now, which I absolutely know I cannot do. I have been waiting the past couple years as it is, and each day that goes by makes me more emotional about the subject.
I know that my rational side would prefer to wait until next year, so I can pay off my bigger student loan, and so that I can get enough PTO and EDL accumulated. So babies are on the brain, but just not right this second...That's what I feel like too. My husband and I are far more prepared than almost everyone I know that has had kids over the past year, but you are right, I want to be more financially stable than now, so that I don't feel like I'm struggling to get to every paycheck.
At the same time though, I don't want to wait so long to be "perfectly" stable that my emotions have taken over. It just feels like a balancing act.
I can understand. I can sometimes catch the baby fever pretty hard, especially when I'm surrounded by babies. I love babies. I love kids. I know I'm going to love having babies and kids. I sometimes daydream about being pregnant, about having kids running around, and even about missing one of my shots and having a "happy accident." But I also know this is not the right time for me. We could afford a baby if it happened, and we would love it, but I'm just not ready to be a mother yet. I think we're both completely normal in this sense.
With every person on the BNOTB board there is an individual and unique motivation behind it. Some women don't want children at all, some want children but sometime in the future, some want children but aren't able to for some reason, and some are ambivalent one way or the other. And there are plenty of circumstances we haven't even thought of. And all of them are perfectly normal.
That's not insane at all. I am adamant about not wanting a baby right now, for a long list of reasons, but I do want to have children and so I do get a little baby hungry when I see friends/family with children and want a little one of my own. It also doesn't help that my husband is the same as me and can't wait until we are ready to take that step.
One big important thing: does you husband know that you are no longer taking birth control? It is very important that you let having a baby also be his decision. It is a very big deal to bring a baby into this world.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
Yes, my hubby knows. I stopped taking BC pills mainly for other reasons, so we are still using other methods of contraception.
I really appreciate everyone's responses, it is making me feel a little more normal.
I can completely relate to you. I love babies and children, get along with them very well, am nurturing, etc. I KNOW I want kids. Hubby for sure wants one and we've discussed pretty in depth having two because that's what I want. We just aren't ready yet. If it where to happen we would embrace it and love it but we are honestly not financially or physically prepared for a child yet and my husband definately wants to wait 2 years or more.
We recently got a puppy so that's keeping us busy for now and we also have a god son who isn't even 2 months old so I am able to get my baby fill and that helps.
You're absolutely not insane - I'm (and DH sort of) going through that "ready but not ready" thing too. We definitely want kids one day, but now is not the right time. We've only been married since June 23rd. I am considering going off BCP (been on them for about 5-6 yrs now) and using other methods, even possibly talking to H tonight about it, so that when we are ready it won't be such a struggle.
Basically we want to wait til (a) we are financially ready - if there was an "oops" we'd figure it out but we'd rather not chance it; (b) we move and settle in down south in a house of our own (H said sooner but I said that such a huge move would be stressful enough - throwing a preggo me, a newborn or toddler into the mix wouldn't help); and (c) we've had time to just be 2, travel a little, and just be married!
Admittedly though, I was definitely looking up baby names today just for fun and will probably be half disappointed to see AF tomorrow
You're not alone!
Just recently (less than a year) married. I am 37, already have an 18 yr old from previous relationship that I raised entirely as a single mother. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship, we enjoy our lives very much, love to travel, ride motorcycle, etc. etc. We have said we aren't having children, which I agree, I love the life that we have together! However, I can't stop thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a child with him. We could afford one and he is so good to me and my son that I just can't get it out of my head, UGH!!!! When I had my son I couldn't afford it, and I never had anyone to share the ups and downs with. My husband doesn't have children of his own and says that he doesn't want any. My son was 15 when we got together and he calls him his brother from another mother LOL, but loves him and is there for him financially and in every way. Anyway, so I agree that I don't want to have a baby, but still think it would be great!?
So you are not insane, I am!! LOL, but I completely agree if a baby wasn't on my brain I wouldn't be on here either!