Pittsburgh Nesties
amyjoy18
member
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Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Positive Parenting
Anyone use positive parenting techniques? Any book or website recommendations?
DD is in full force "I'm 3 and I know it" mode. Our previous pushishments of time out and toy time out just are no longer effective. It's leading to a lot of frustration on team mom and dad and just feeding the beast that is my 3 year old. 
I think we need a different approach. Especially DH who wavers between being the biggest pushover (I've caught him apologizing to her for putting her in time out), then trying to be overly stern--which DD views as a total joke (and who can blame her!).
Thoughts?
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Re: Positive Parenting
I've seen a lot of people on the Parenting board suggest 1-2-3 Magic.
http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/ref=pd_sim_b_2
I read and really enjoy this site & book by Scott Noelle
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove/
If you want the book I can send it to you - its essentially all of his daily emails in a book. I still get the daily emails & they are good reminders of how different little kids are - how their minds work and how change our initial reaction just by doing little things. I try to put this in practice & fail many times. Don't beat yourself up. I find that my patience level is directly related to my stress at work & lack of sleep so if those both take a hit (which they do often) watch out kids.
I have also previously read some of Dr. Sears books and other attachment parenting type books to get a different mindset.
Additionally, I've learned just by watching friends and family. I find that DH and I do not usually raise our voices at our kids but when we do they know it is serious. DH is a very quiet type of guy when it comes to getting upset & although I am more type A for sure, I have tried to be less so when it comes to getting upset. I'll be honest that I really can't stand to hear parents constantly raising their voices or yelling at their kids or telling them what to do every step of the way. For eg. - my sister is constantly yelling at her kids to the point that its like talking to them. You can't talk to just her on the phone - she is always interrupted by her kids or she is talking to them! And its a wonder that they don't listen.
On the other hand when I would call a co-worker (that left to stay at home with her 5 kids), she was always so calm with them. If they started to talk to her when she was on the phone she would say "thank you I am on the phone we will discuss in a minute". Now she and my sister have very different personalities & I'm sure that trickles down to the kids as well. Also not sure if its the whole chicken & the egg theory (was it b/c the kids were calm to begin with & parents never had to yell or b/c parents didn't yell that often so kids are clamer). Who knows but that's just something I always thought about when I was observing others that have kids. So I think that plays a role with your kids personalities too. FWIW.
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
So I totally admit that I'm the screamer in the house. *sigh*
Anyway, how about positive reinforcement? It sounds like she's old enough to do the rewards system now, and understand it. Good luck!
My three sons!
I've heard good things about this book, although I haven't read it.
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506492/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342794251&sr=8-1&keywords=your+3+year+old
I've read all of the posts on askmoxie.org about 3 year olds. And we are in the middle of it with Todd.
Here is my takeaway, having been through it once and having read about the "mindset" of a 3 year old:
It is impossible to have a 3 year old that behaves well and does what you'd like 100% of the time. Unless you have the most laid back 3 year old in the world, it is impossible to avoid tantrums and ridiculous mood swings. 3 year olds are in some ways like psychopaths - even though they talk and act like small kids, they don't really feel remorse or regret, they often don't have empathy when they are having "big feelings" and they are constantly toggling between wanting to be treated like a big kid and wanting to be babied. 3 year olds will take and take and take, but they will only give when they feel like it.
Reminding myself of this helps me to keep my calm and stay positive. Which is important because screaming has ZERO effect on Todd right now. I'm not really a screamer, but when both kids are not listening and I'm tired, I can build up to that faster than I'd like. Yelling gets Heather's attention, but not Todd's.
Things we do:
Turn tasks into a game.
Distract with something else.
Choose your battles. When we have time, I will insist that Todd dress himself/put his things away/etc. I choose fewer battles when we are getting ready in the morning on a work/school day.
Let him freak out in his room until he gets the emotion out. 90% of the time pleasant Todd comes out of his room.
Remind myself what 3 year olds are like and try to figure out if he's hungry or tired, or if I can figure out something that is upsetting him.
I hope that helps. We are TOTALLY struggling with him at bedtime right now and he's still having small pee accidents. So annoying. I keep reminding myself that in 9 months we will never have a 3 year old again...
I love him, but gah!