Sex & Romance
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Is he over me already?
I just got married to the man I was dating for two and a half years. He has changed ever since the wedding that was three weeks ago, he used to come home and be hands on all the time. Now I'm lucky if he acknowledges me when he walks in the door. It's the same when we are in the bedroom, he used to want sex all the time but now if I ask for it he scoffs rolls over and says he's not in the mood. Should I be worried?
Re: Is he over me already?
Sounds like he's just stressed! Stress abounds around wedding-time and it can be a huge contributor to lack of sexual desire. But no one online can know for sure... why don't you ask him? You're married to the guy... you should be able to trust him to give you an honest answer
Then, whatever his answer is, you two can work through it together. Best of luck!
What he is doing is not handling confrontation like an adult.
Exactly how many times have you had sex with him in the last 3 weeks? How about some backstory??
If you perhaps had sex maybe once or twice since the wedding, I'd say there's a slight problem. There should be a bit more intimacy than that.
What to do:
Sit dow with him this weekend, outside of the bedroom.
And discuss this problem with him.
Do not accept excuses, lip service or denials.
I don't think this is an adjustment issue.
It's very hard to tell what is happening here; he's the only one who can tell you what it is -- but what he needs to do:
Work on this with you.
You have full right to a happy and fulfilling sex life. You did not get married to find out that all you got out of the union was a roommate who refuses to get intimate with his wife.
Once or twice a week would be great, as far as sex and intercourse goes. Surely not an impossible task to accomplish.
If he clams up or refuses to talk about this like a full grown mature adult man, you've got a bigger problem then no sex life at all. This is now a maturity issue and a character issue. And he's also showing me that he's not keen on making sure you are happy and satisfied. That's not good at all.
I can suggest joint counseling. Whenever intimacy/sex vanishes for no good reason, something is wrong with the picture. It warrants investigating. GL.
ETA: Your 3 year old son is from a prior relationship.
Wow, you started to date your H when the child was 6 months old. That's moving way way too fast into another relationship.
When you've got kids, you've got to proceed s l o w l y. It's critical you do so. For your sake and for the sake of the child, even if the child in question is *just* an infant.
Ideally, when there is a child involved, make the introduction to the child about 8 months into the relationship. Wow, you don't even have a clear idea what this guy is like around very small kids for a very very extended period of time of dating.
You moved too too quickly. Sorry.
Just about anything can be at stake here. Maybe he realized what he just got himself into. This is no longer just dating; there's a commitment involved and now you and he are a family with a child. Maybe he now sees you as a wife and mother and not as a sexual partner.
Maybe he does not wish to briing another child into the marriage this early into the game --- you guys literally just got married! --- and that's why he is shying away from being intimate with you.
Would it be so terribly horrible if you waited at least 2 years before adding to your family? I don't think it would be.
DID you discuss future kids and when to have them, before you got marriedf? I am guessing you did not, or if you and he did, he's possibly realized that having another kiddo this early on isn't for him. That in itself is not a bad thing but what is bad: you have a different expectation than he has! It's important that you both be on the same page in this issue.
Again, very very hard to tell what is happening here. I can only guess at what might be the problem.
And when you find out what the deal is, post the results. You will get a much better response and an ideal array of suggestons from us, re what to do, if you get the inside line from him. As your husband and partner, it's a given he be open with you and communicate.
HE is the one who can fess up and give you the answer -- and I suggest that you make tracks to get that answer from him, stat.
Another good suggestion, and a prudent one;
DO NOT TTC.
You have problems already; don't bring another child into the picture until this problem with your sex life is rectified.
You and he also need help communicating; counseling for that issue in itself.
Not acceptable for him to shut you down when you initiate a discussion about something that is bothering you; what's he going to do whenever you have other issues in your marriage, do the same thing? Don't stand for that at all.
Reasons why you needed to proceed very very slowly when you are dating somebody and a very small child -- in this case, an infant -- is involved:
I just got married and came into my marriage with a three year old little boy, my husband loves our son more than anything and has been around since he was 7 months old. As of now I am a full time student and we cannot afford to put our son in daycare. The only question I have is, is it normal for me to be getting jealous of my husband because he gets out of the house on almost a daily basis but I am stuck at home with a strong willed three year old boy.
and this one...
My husband and I share custody of our three year old dad with his biological father. The last week we have been up with him until at least 3 o'clock int the MORNING!!!!!!! We are starting to argue about the problem and neither one of us is getting enough sleep.
We have tried daddy scaring the monsters away, papa scaring them away, spraying for monsters (both daddy and child), and his night lights almost completely lit up at night. NOTHING seems to work! Any ideas are welcome!
So if you're a full time student and you can't afford daycare, how in heck are you going to solve this problem? Didn't you and he discuss this very vital issue -- and solve it -- before you were wed?
You've got lots of communication issues and yes, you moved way too fast.
Counseling, stat, for the both of you.
And partake in a face to face blended family support group, with your husband. Make it a MUST he go.
There should be one somewhere in your area that you and your H can check out.
There are also mommy and me playgroups and playgroups for kiddoes that are his age. And I'm sure you can find a babysitter in the neighborhood who can watch the child while you get out and do something other than attend classes.
I went through a similar situation with my husband right after we got married..i just had to sit him down and tell him how his rejection and decline in sexual intamacy made me feel. It turned out he was just swamped with work and feeling pretty stressed it took a little bit for him to get back into the swing of things after the stress of the wedding moving in to a new apartment and starting a new job. After a while he got back to normal. Does he workout at all? I have found that since my husband has lost some weight and began to work out on the regular he has wanted sex alot more. Just talk to him tell him it makes you feel undesirable and im sure as your husband he wouldnt want you to feel that way. Sometimes men just dont get it until we slap them in the face with the subject. Tell him you will not stand for that type of relationship. If he loves you which im sure he does he will try and make things right.
Hope things get better girl hang in there
Kinda know the feeling. I've been married for two months and have only had sex five times. It seems like the thought doesn't even cross his mind anymore. But this was going on before we got married...hate to say it but it might take a while for him to snap outta it. I'm still waiting for that to happen with mine.
In the mean time we have Christian Grey.
Not to hijack the OP's thread but wow...you knew what the story was with his sex drive before you got married.
If you were not satisfied with the frequency of sex back then, why in the world didn't you bring this issue up and discuss it with him???
He's not a mind reader. And this may be "it" as far as his interest in sex goes: he's probably got a low sex drive and/or sex is not that important to him.
Bad news:
He is not going to snap out of it.
TALK TO HIM --- communication is KEY.
I'm not sure why you would tell her she moved to fast into the relationship...? Nothing happens to fast when its really meant to be. I felt like that was a little out of your lane but non the less feedback.
Sometimes men go through these times in there lives. My husband went through it when we first started dating. Sex seemed hard to come by.... it took plenty of conversations and many months for him to change. Honestly, I believe it was a lot of things for him...change being one huge factor. You should be happy though. We only live once!
Something is up! No man gives up on sex voluntarily. Seriously, you need to find out what is wrong NOW!