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Who do I invite?
Hey everyone,
My fianc? and I are getting married in 2013. We are currently putting together our guest list and I NEED HELP! So here's the deal I figured I would invite my close friends and family. The odd thing is my immediate family think I need to invite people like my uncles, cousins etc who have not been apart of my life. I mean really? My mom died 20 years ago and her side of the family basically abandoned/ neglected me, why should I invite them when they don't know anything about me, what I've done, and also whether I'm dead or alive?
Also I recently started teaching at a new school since September 2011, do I have to invite any coworkers? My coworkers aren't the nicest or welcoming bunch of people. Very few are nice and at this point I can only consider two of them to be great acquaintances.
Your advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
Re: Who do I invite?
Have you been invited to any of your cousin's weddings? Any christinings, graduation parties, family parties? Anything? Wedddings are certainly a big enough deal that you can invite long-lost aunts and uncles, my dad only sees his extended family when someone gets married (or dies) but if you don't want to - you don't have to.
I've rarely hear of inviting co-workers. I was very friendly with a co-worker and she invited me to her wedding, but that's b/c we had a friendship outside of work.
whos paying?
and you do realize that at a minimum this is over 6 months away. you do have time to figure it out.
About 15 years ago (When I was 12) my sister was invited to a cousins wedding and I tagged along. No I have not been invited to christenings, graduations, NADA.
Ummmm that's an interesting fact. You do only see certain relatives during weddings and funerals.
Ok you are right I don't need to invite any coworker!
I say invite only your nearest and dearest. The rest will follow.
You are not obligated to invite people simply because there is a genetic factor involved.
Invite only the big boss and your immediate boss. That's all you need to do; this is one of those "must invite" things. Maybe they won't even come.:)
FIgure out your budget first then figure out how many people you can invite. That right there might "solve" your problem. If you can't afford to invite all these distant relatives, then they aren't invited.
Past that, a wedding is not a "you must invite all these people" event. I fyou want a smaller wedding, then have a smaller wedding. Your family presses you? Just tell them "This is my wedding and I'll invite who I want." They get no say.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This exactly. Your budget will drive a lot of your decisions. One of the ways I eliminated this drama was by choosing a venue that only held 100 people. That way we were very careful about everyone on the guest list.
then YOU dictate who will and who will not be invited as per your budget allows.
The smaller you have the wedding, the fewer people you need to feel "obligated" to invite.
For example, I do sometimes find it odd that one aunt is invited, and other is not. But if you don't invite any of your mother's siblings, then you don't have to feel badly about it. In fact, I would not feel bad if you invited, for example, your grandmother, but none of your aunts and uncles. It is a different relationship (if you are not close to your grandma, don't feel you have to invite her, either!).
As far as co-workers, no, you do not need to invite them all! If you worked in a 3-person office, I can see doing that, but a school? Heck, no! Just say "we are having a very small wedding." I don't think it's bad manners to invite the co-workers you are closest to, and not the others.
I personally didn't invite any co-workers. My H invited his boss and two immediate co-workers. So if you want to invite your co-workers you're friends with, go for it. You don't have to invite every co-worker you presently have.
As for family, invite who you can afford or want to. I have cousins I've never met. They didn't get invited to my wedding even though they are family. KWIM?
Don't feel bad about choices you make. It's your wedding and you're paying for it.
Here was my thought process when I got married last year.
Any time I thought about a lot (100-150, heck, even 50) people watching me get married made me VERY nervous. I thought about who I liked having casual dinners and holidays with.
On my mom's side there was one uncle and his married children I saw on a regular basis. On my father's side he had one married brother that was local.
On my husband's side there is a TON of family drama. He chose to invite only the siblings that could be trusted to behave like normal people. He chose not to invite his mom because of other family members that would tag along like leeches. I even offered to go pick her up myself to have her there, but he declined.
Friends that were invited were ones that actually knew my family and had spent holidays and other times with us. For co-workers I only invited the one that I actually spend time with outside of work. (I work for a HUGE company and there were a few in my department that thought since we casually knew each other by sight they would be invited.)
The only child that was at my wedding was my nephew because he was my flower boy.
All told? There were 23 of us including the wedding party. My wedding party was my sister in law as my matron of honor, my husband's brother as his best man, my brother as a groomsman, and my nephew as our flower boy.
We had a "traditional" civil ceremony. I wore a wedding dress, the guys were in tuxes, flowers for the wedding party, a DJ to take care of music during the ceremony and dinner. The ceremony and dinner were held at a local spa/hotel on a Sunday. We opted not to have dancing because again I didn't want to be the focus, but I love sharing time and food with those I'm closest to.
Another advantage to the location I chose was that so much was taken care of for me that we got engaged on New Year's Eve and got married 4 months later.
Bottom line? Discuss with your fiance what's important to the two of you. Make your plans according to what the two of you want. Have fun and good luck!
Absolutely false. The only people you MUST invite are the people you can't imagine not being there to celebrate with on your special day. Period.
Invite who you want to have share your day with you. Related or not related, it doesnt matter.
I wanted to comment on this as well. The whole "it's considered good form to invite the boss" thing is not necessarily true in education, especially if you're a teacher.
If you have a few co-workers you consider friends, it's fine to invite them without inviting your team leader, or department chair, office admin, or principal.